


A Fish out of water

by liesorlife



Category: Stingray - Fandom, Thunderbirds
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Evil!Jeff Tracy, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24653893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liesorlife/pseuds/liesorlife
Summary: based on TOS, this is how Gordon joined international rescue, fighting his father all the way. rebellious and determined to do everything on his own. part of sensory Sunday:week one "see" prompts used "Colourful", "shimmering" and "Flicker"Week two "Touch" prompt used "Burning"TV VERSE
Relationships: Gordon Tracy/Atlanta Shore
Comments: 375
Kudos: 26





	1. struggling to cope

Gordon is bored. He has never liked being home alone, and now it seems like that is all he ever is. Alone. Growing up in a house full of noisy brothers, an overbearing father, and a uncaring and insensitive mother, Gordon is used to noise and activity. 

But Scott is in the air force now, John is down in Houston working for Nasa - having graduated from Harvard in 2 years and not the standard 4, Virgil is in Denver doing his final year at the School of Advanced Technology, where he is studying engineering, Alan is in his final year of high school. His mom offered to take him food shopping, but he turned the offer down, telling himself that he is an adult and does not need a babysitter. As for the whereabouts of his father, he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care.

His own academic success was non-existent, years of swimming training taking their toll on his enthusiasm for studying anything not related to his chosen passion. 6 days a week he would be up at 4:30, cycling the 5 miles to the local pool, even in the long winter months when it would still be dark when he left the house. His coach, Mr Brown was a harsh and cruel master, one who demanded commitment and perfection in equal measures, one who didn’t accept excuses for failure, but one who pushed him into doing everything he can to reach his goals. Yet he was more of a father to him than the great Jeff Tracy, and he was the first one mentioned in Gordons speech when he won his gold medal at the Olympics in 2060. His father was an after-thought for the fiercely independent 17-year-old. 

The stubborn redhead hated school, being stuck indoors 5 days a week, forced to concentrate on algebra, history, and the correct way to spell things was his idea of hell. His grades reflected his application to his studies, always just doing the bare minimum to avoid failing and no more. 

College was never in his plans, something that he clashed with his father with, their arguments rattling the walls of his office at the presentation of every one of his report cards. The comments all the same, “If he would just concentrate his grades would improve dramatically” – his maths teacher, or “Gordons attitude needs a serious adjustment, there was no need to put frogs in my draw” – his English teacher, or his own personal demon “we had such high expectations following the success of his brothers” – everyone who had taught Scott, Virgil and John. The near constant comparisons to his brothers made his heart ache for freedom from their stifling oppression.

He had been suspended a half dozen times for pulling pranks on his teachers, acting out in class due to the boredom of the institutionalised setting. Angry and volatile, he would lash out at anyone who looked at him the wrong way. It was always the same procedure, his mom would collect him after a fight, confine him to his room and then his dad would give him a whipping, not once did anyone take the time to ask him how he felt. He just got the looks of disappointment followed by the pain. 

This is why he finds himself alone on a Friday morning in early January. Looking out of the window it is grey and dreary, light snow has been falling for most of the day. Wishing he had agreed to go shopping, he wanders through the upstairs hallway, looking at the closed highly decorated doors on either side. 

Scott’s room, even though he has been gone for 6 years, first to Yale, and too Oxford and finally the US Air force. His eldest brother, Mr Perfect himself, his fathers’ favourite. Perfect Scott with his perfect grades. The great Jeff Tracy tells him to jump Scott jumps without questioning it. Even his door is perfect, a plain wooden plank concealing the neat space behind. Opening the door, he looks in at the room of the brother he has always struggled to connect with. The room is faultlessly perfect, just like its owner. It is clinical, with not even a speck of dust thanks to his moms meticulous cleaning regime. Disgusted, he closes the door and moves on.

Virgils room is a work of art, one wall dedicated solely to a history of modern aircraft mural, which he remembers Virgil taking most of his 13th summer to paint. Spending hours alone, shut off from his family. He has never understood why he didn’t decide to study art in Paris, the one thing he always said he wanted to do when he grew up. Virgil was the one who looked after him when he was recovering from his fathers "discipline", the one who got him to the hospital in time after the broken rib pierced his lung and left him fighting for his life. But he's gone, and the time they spend apart causes them to drift further away from each other. 

Johns room is a shrine to space, constellations painted on the ceiling, a giant poster of the solar system pasted on the wall above his bed, his dads old NASA T-shirt in a frame over the desk. Scott may be his father’s mini-me, but John is his biggest fan, his directly older brother worships their father and wants so badly to follow in his footsteps to the exclusion of all others. He has even less in common with John than he does with Scott, and no respect for him either. John has never hinted that he has a mind of his own. Secretly nicknaming the pair his fathers clones, he is determined to not be like them, he is going to live his own life. 

Ignoring the large “KEEP OUT” sign on his youngest brothers’ door, he opens it up to a mess. Rebellious and wild, Alan is a lot of fun to be with, easily led into trouble the pair spent many a weekend pulling pranks on their siblings and parents, and even more time cleaning the garage, or the attic or the barn as punishment for said prank. Only 13 months his junior, he has always been closest to Alan. Smiling fondly at the memories, the one reason he has any happy memories of his childhood at the farm where he grew up.

He allows himself one final smile as he quietly closes the door, the memory of how it got the giant dent still makes him chuckle. In hindsight roller blading in the house was never a smart idea, but the door was the only thing that got hurt, and Alans ass when his dad caught hold of him! His dad’s refusal to have the door fixed to “remind Alan of his stupidity” had the opposite effect on both himself and Alan who see the damage as a badge of honour! 

Still laughing, he goes back to his own room and opens up his laptop. Alone time is the perfect time to work on his secret project. 

The personal statement to go with his application to join the World Aquanaut Security Patrol is almost ready to send off with the previously filled application. Since before he could walk he has been obsessed with the water, the reason he got up at 4:30 in the morning, the reason he fought so hard to stay on the swim team despite the threats from his father that he would be pulled and sent to a boarding school for wayward teens – luckily his mom talked him down from that threat – and more importantly the reason he has been secretly studying oceanography in his spare time. 

No longer bored as he looks at the designs for a new bathyscape, being tested with the idea of being used for a year long project below the sea to study marine farming methods, a look of longing on his face. This is the only thing he wants to do with his life and joining W.A.S.P would give him this opportunity. 

*TB*

“Gordon?” a female voice calls up the stairs, breaking his concentration from the marine biology textbook he had smuggled in from the library. 

“Coming” He calls back, expecting a lecture from his mom for daring to waste his entire morning, doing nothing. He can not tell her what he is up to, she will tell his father and that will end his plans, as he will then be forced to apply to college to study the exact same curriculum he has set himself. 

“There you are, get the bags from the car and then help put the groceries away.” His mom demands, with a softer tone than his father uses when speaking to him, but the order is there, and he is smart enough to not argue. He knows his mom is just as disappointed with having him as a son than his father is, he was the family runt. The premature baby that should never have survived, they had Alan as a replacement baby when they realised that he was never going to amount anything. 

There is no please or thank you, he is just expected to blindly follow their orders, and like a coward he does just that before escaping back to the sanctuary of his room.

*TB*

“He spent the whole day in his room Jeff, only came out when I got home to help put the groceries away. I don’t know what he is doing up there, but I doubt it is productive” his mom tells his dad.

He is sitting at the dinner table, opposite Alan as his parents discuss their own days, feeling like he might as well be invisible, as they happily talk about him. 

“I am here you know” He tells them sullenly. “Maybe if you had just asked how I spent my day I would tell you” 

“Don’t take that tone with me boy” His dad replies, ignoring his words, and not looking up from his food long enough to look him in the eyes.

“I am 18 years old, stop treating me like a 5-year-old” He snarls back, his father never sees him, and he can’t do this anymore, the W.A.S.P application is the only reason he is still here, and he hasn't thought ahead to what he is going to do if he is rejected.

Jeffs hackles are raised, and he can’t help but snap back “Then act like a bloody adult and take some responsibility for your life and then maybe you will treated like one. Go to your room Gordon, until you can sit quietly and be polite at the dinner table you are not allowed to eat with the family” 

Picking up the burger from his plate, Gordon only stops to glare at his parents before leaving the room. He will show them, he will show all of them. A grim determination on his face as he slams the door shut behind him.

“DON’T SLAM THE DOOR!” His father yells up the stairs after him.

An evil grin briefly crosses his face as he opens the door to slam it shut a second time. A small victory is all he can ever hope for as he hears his father’s footsteps on the stairs before he crashes into his room. 

His face is apoplectic with rage. 

“Hi dad” He tells him cheekily, sitting on the bed his legs swinging back and forth as he grins up at him.

“I have had enough of your attitude and behaviour, why you can’t be more like Scott I will never know, but I am done Gordon. Pack your bags because you are leaving in the morning, I don’t care where you go, but you are not staying here” Jeff tells him. 

“You are throwing me out?” He asks in shock, never did he expect this, his father usually yells at him then leaves him alone. His father hadn’t punished him properly in about 6 months, he always favoured a thick leather belt, which is still hanging up on his office door. Shuddering at the memories of being made to fetch it before his father would snap it across his bare skin, maybe leaving home isn’t such a bad idea.

Jeff nods, still furious. “I can’t do this anymore Gordon, I will give you your allowance as usual until you find a job but apart from that we are done” 

“Okay fine, but I won’t be back, you will never see me again father.” He insists.

And then he is gone, closing the door behind him leaving Gordon to get on with his packing, vowing to not give in, the boy is going to learn the hard way to appreciate his family. 

*TB*

“Don’t leave” Alan is begging. 

His mom and dad have long since retired for the evening and the 2 boys are the only signs on life in the house as the darkness engulfs them. They are lying side by side on his bed, after Alan snuck in once he was sure their parents were asleep.

“I have to Allie; I can’t stay here. I feel like I am drowning in his shadow, I will never be the son he wants me to be. I will keep in touch, but I have to go.” He tries to explain, but Alan doesn’t get it. He has seen 3 of his brothers leave and he doesn’t want to lose the final link to his childhood. Gordon was the only brother he never had to beg for attention, even if he would arrive home exhausted from training he would always have a happy smile for his baby brother.

“Can we at least do one last thing together?” Alan asks. Pleading with him.

“Sure, come on I have an idea!” his eyes lighting up, unseen in the dead of the night. 

“Why are we going outside? Gordy it is freezing out there” Alan tells him, shivering, as they look up at the night sky. There is not a cloud in sight, and the stars are shimmering brightly above their heads, causing the fresh snow to glisten in the light reflecting from both the stars and the moon. It is beautiful here, and he will miss the only home he has ever known but he has to get out while he has the opportunity, and this is his only chance. 

Gordon grins at him, before revealing the box of fireworks left over from his dads annual New Year’s Eve party. 

Alans eyes widen in surprise. “Do you even know how to light fireworks without getting hurt?” 

“Sure, this isn’t the first time I have snuck them out of the house Al, and I have never been caught. Stand back and I will light the first one” Gordon tells him laughing.

Filled with trepidation Alan does as he is told and steps back to watch.

Light from the first match flickers suddenly against the dark background of the night sky, before the touch paper ignites and the firework flies up into the air and explodes into a shower of colourful sparks. 

“Wow” Alan breathes in wonder as the sparks fade into the blackness. “Do another one Gords” 

Gordon has the next match lit and held to the touch paper when a shout from behind startles him.

“GORDON COOPER TRACY!” 

Shit it’s dad! Alan thinks. 

The brief loss of concentration causes him to drop the lit firework, which fires into the sky at an angle and straight onto the roof of the barn, which instantly ignites into flames.


	2. Disgraced and Disowned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the fire has serious consequences for the whole family. Sorry for making Jeff into such a tyrant!

Gordon stands frozen to the spot, as the fire erupts into an uncontrollable blaze, spreading across the roof of the barn. 

“Gordon, come on, we have to get that fire put out!” Alan cries desperately, tugging on his arm to get him to move. 

Spurred into action Gordon follows him to the barn, grabbing the hose from the side of the house and wrenching the valve open and running to the barn, where the smoke fills his nostrils with an acrid burning smell as he aims the water from the hose onto the flames. 

Gordons mom and dad have joined the two teenagers, his dad carrying a fire extinguisher, and they work in silence as they try to bring the fire under control.

“It isn’t working” Alan tells them watching in horror as the flames climb higher and higher quickly enveloping the whole building.

“We have to keep trying, we can’t let the fire reach the house” His dad tells them. He helped his own father build this barn, it took them a whole summer and now it is being destroyed in less than 30 minutes. 

“I have called the fire brigade Jeff” Lucy tells him, shouting to be heard over the crackling flames. 

“Thanks” He calls back, not turning to look as he concentrates on the task in hand. Of all the stupid things Gordon has done, this is the worst.

They work tirelessly, Gordon on the hose while Jeff works the extinguisher, swearing loudly when it runs out, praying for the fire brigade to hurry up. 

“Give me that” Jeff demands, grabbing the hose and pushing Gordon to the ground, his palms stinging as they scrape against the cold snowy ground. 

“OW” he cries in pain, sitting up and examining his throbbing wrist for damage. 

“Stop whinging” Jeff replies unsympathetically, “And get up you lazy little imbecile” 

Slowly getting to his feet, he can hear the sirens from the impending fire trucks. Relieved that the professionals are on hand to take over, Gordon goes back to join his mom at a safe distance, but unsure if he is running from the fire or from his father.

They stand in silence, watching the firefighters take over from Jeff. The sky is on fire, as Jeff joins Gordon and his wife.

“Dad” Gordon starts.

“No, I don’t want to hear it” Jeff interrupts still fuming, ignoring the heart break in his eyes.

“Lucy, where is Alan?” Jeff asks realising that his youngest son is missing.

Panic like bile rises up in her throat, her eyes darting in all directions with the skills she has developed with her 26 years of experience as a mother. Her baby is in danger. 

“We have to find him, what if he went into the barn?” She asks in horror.

“He wouldn’t, Alan isn’t stupid” Gordon tells her, even though that is his biggest fear too.

“He is your brother, isn’t he?” Jeff butts in scathingly. If he was stupid enough to set off fireworks, then he is stupid enough to walk into a burning building. 

“What is that supposed to mean” Gordon asks enraged.

“Knock it off you 2, we need to find Alan, and this is not helping.” Lucy knows a row is the last thing she needs right now. “Gordon, go and check the house, Jeff go and speak to one of the firefighters to see if anyone has seen him, I will stay here in case he comes back” 

“I will check the barn” Gordon tells her, ignoring her instruction and running towards the barn, where the combined efforts of the firefighters is starting to have some effect. The flames slowly being beaten back. The roof is almost gone, and the main structure is in danger of a complete collapse.

“GET BACK HERE” Jeff shouts, chasing after his errant offspring. Both stopping in fear as one of the fire fighters is walking towards them, a bundle with a shock of bright yellow hair just visible. 

“ALAN!” They both cry out, united for once by their shared terror.

“I tried to stop it dad” He whispers. His face turning to face his father, pale skinned, his eyes are filled with tears. “I can’t breathe dad” he adds whimpering, his eyes struggling to focus on the scene in front of him.

“He has inhaled a lot of smoke. We have radioed for an ambulance” the fire chief tells Jeff.

Jeff holds his arms out, “Let me take him. How are you getting on?” he asks as he takes the teenager into his arms, flinching as he takes note of the red raw skin on his arms, blistered from the heat of the fire, as the idiot was out in the middle of winter wearing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

“We are getting there, was a bit of a shock finding this one trying to help. He was up the ladder on the other side trying to put the flames out with a wet towel, he panicked and fell. I think his leg is broken.”

“I just wanted to help” Alan wheezes, before finally succumbing to the pain and losing consciousness in Jeffs arms. 

Jeff thought the wait for the fire brigade was agony, but that is nothing to the pain of waiting for the ambulance. His boy needs help, and he needs it now. He doesn’t say a word as he carries Alan back over to Lucy, Gordon on his heels.

Jeff slowly and carefully lowers him to the ground, removing his jacket and folding it up underneath his head. 

Gordon knows that now is not the time to speak up, as he blankly stares at Alans almost translucent skin. Shivering, as he wraps his arms around his body.

He is forced to watch as his brother is hooked up to an oxygen tank and loaded into the ambulance, his suspected broken leg splinted and placed in a brace, his mom climbing in with him, leaving him alone with his angry father. Realising that his mom hasn’t said a single word to him since getting outside, his mom is the queen of silent treatment, knowing Jeff had the torture role perfected she would purse her lips, and let him get on with it. Never showing any of the boys any sympathy, if Jeff needed to punish them, they deserved it. Bringing up her boys was a black and white subject, with no room for grey areas. Gordon hoped that deep down she did care about him, that there was someone out there who cared about him.

Gordon has never understood the phrase ‘the silence is deafening’ until now. the only sound he can hear is the heavy breathing of his father. 

Weak wintery sunlight is slowly breaking through the darkness light falling on the now defunct barn. All of Jeffs hard work destroyed in a single night, not a single wooden post has survived the blaze. Thanking the fire chief and watching them drive away, he turns to Gordon. 

“Dad?” He asks, his voice shaking.

Blinding pain erupts through his skull as his fathers’ fist makes contact with his right cheekbone. Tears stinging his eyes, he knows he deserved that. 

“I am going to the hospital to be with your brother, I want to off the property by the time I get back. And you can forget me subbing you until you are on your feet Gordon.” Jeff snaps at him. 

“But dad, I want to see Alan. I have to make sure he is okay” Gordon pleads. 

Pushing him to the ground for a second time, Jeffs voice is a low menacing growl, as he steps on his chest to prevent him from getting back up, glaring at him with disgust and a hatred Gordon has never seen before. “No you don’t. What the hell were you thinking?” 

“I wasn’t” Gordon tells him, his voice morose and full of regret. “Where am I supposed to go?”

“That is obvious. I don’t care, you can stay on the streets and starve as far as I am concerned. We are done Gordon” Stepping back, Jeff goes back into the house to get dressed, as the clothes he hurriedly threw on are now covered in dirt, ash and snow, so he can be with Alan. He doesn’t bother saying goodbye to Gordon and hopes that he takes his orders of being out of the house by the time he gets back seriously.

The 30-minute drive to the hospital, in the early morning light before the rush hour starts in earnest, would be a pleasant journey, if only the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach out abate. The clock on the dashboard is showing 5am, and this has been the longest night he can remember in a long time. 

“Lucy? Where is he?” Jeff asks the second he reaches the emergency room. She folds herself into his arms and starts to cry on her shoulder.

“Oh Jeff it is awful, they have taken him away from me and they won’t tell me anything” She sobs. 

“He is going to be fine Luce; he is a Tracy after all. Why don’t I go and see what I can find out?” He volunteers. 

Nodding, Lucy fixes her amber eyes on his, the eyes Gordon inherited, the eyes he loves more than anything else. Ignoring the sudden flare of resentment as Gordons face flashes in front of his brain, he tries to find a doctor to get the information that they are desperate for.

The minutes turn into hours before they are finally allowed to see Alan. Lying in an induced coma in intensive care, their usually so full of life 17-year-old is barely recognisable. An oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth, he is hooked up to so many machines, he is more robot than man. There are thick bandages wrapping his arms and chest, and his right leg is in a cast.

The doctor responsible for Alans treatment follows them into his room. “Mr and Mrs Tracy, Alan has suffered severe smoke inhalation and third degree burns to his arms and chest. Once he is a lot stronger he will need to undergo extensive reconstructive surgery to correct the scarring. He may never regain the full mobility in his arms. The fracture to right leg is not a serious break and should heal well without the need for surgery, but he will be in a cast for the next 6-8 weeks. Do you have any questions?” he tells them, he has been a doctor long enough to know to be straight forward and honest with his patients.

Jeff sinks into the chair next to Alans bed, picking up a heavily bandaged hand, holding it gently in his, tears silently dripping down his face. “Can he hear us?” Jeff asks.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Some patients can hear everything that their families say to them, others can’t. I would advise you to keep talking to him, because if he can hear you, he needs all of the encouragement and support you can give him. I will give you some time alone with him, if you need anything at all, just press the call button and someone will be straight in.” 

“Thanks doc” Jeff replies.

“What time is it?” Lucy asks tiredly. 

“12:30” Jeff tells her, glancing at his watch, realising that he too has had very little sleep.

“We have to call the boys?” She asks, knowing that they have 3 difficult calls to make. 

“I know, I will call them in a while, I need to figure out how I am going to explain this to them” Jeff tells her. 

She hasn’t asked him about Gordon, she too cannot believe that he would do something so irresponsible, and there is plenty of time to talk about Gordon, and to discuss his punishment, not aware that Jeff has ordered her boy to leave.

*TB*

Gordon is angry, opening up a suitcase he starts to throw random items in, without a thought for what is going in. just as many of his possessions end up on the floor. Until he picks up his plush Squid, the one toy from his childhood that has endured everything he has, the operation on his heart the day after he was born, and the operation on the wrist he broke, falling out of the tree house in the yard, this little thing even went to the Olympics with him, sitting with Alan in the crowd as his lucky mascot. 

Hugging the toy to his chest, he sinks down onto the bed and starts to cry in earnest. His life is over, he is going to end up living under a bridge without any family to protect him. Packing the squid into his backpack, he starts to properly go through his things. Packing clothes, and toiletries, and his Olympic gold medal. There is no way he is leaving this behind; his father would probably sell it. 

He gives his childhood bedroom, now considerably emptier, but looking like it has been hit by a tornado, one last look before dragging the cases down the stairs and out into his car. A present from his parents for his 17th birthday. A candy apple red Mercedes convertible, flashier than something he would have picked for himself, but its wheels and right now it is his home. 

If he is going to be on his own, he needs money, and he knows exactly where to get it from. Steely determination fuels his movements through the house and into his father’s office. Thanks to his years of knowing Jeff Tracy, he knows the combination to the safe is his grandmother’s birthday, tapping in the numbers the satisfying click brings the first smile to his face in hours. The contents don’t disappoint as he empties not only cash, but jewellery too. Jewellery belonging to his mom, grandmother and even his great grandmother. 

“Call it compensation for punching me dad” he thinks as he leaves the safe door open for him to find, leaves the front door unlocked just in case anyone fancies burglary, hops in the car and drives away to his new life, without a backwards glance into the mirror.


	3. Virgils Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is struggling to escape Jeffs shadow, there is only one thing he feels like he has any control over - warning for mentions of eating disorder

Virgil slams the book closed, coughing as the rising dust assaults his nostrils. He hates this course. Nearly 4 years of studying, day after day of gruelling lectures, tedious studying just to stay up with the other guys on his course. He can’t even remember the last time he had a proper meal. Virgil’s routine is the same every day.

05:30: wake up, for his morning weigh in, adding an extra 10 minutes to his morning run per half pound added.  
05:35: get dressed into sweats and a tank top and pound the streets until he can physically move no more.   
07:30: shower and a black coffee for breakfast.   
08:00: first lecture of the day. Ignoring the rumble in his stomach, fighting every urge to fall asleep as he concentrates on the topic being presented. For 4 hours.   
12:00: Fresh air and freedom for his lunch break, which he spends in the library reading back through the notes from his last class, hoping that just some of what was taught sunk in and has made sense. His nails digging into his palms in punishment when he realises that it doesn’t matter how many classes he takes, nothing works he has only passed the first 3 years because his father has paid off the college to keep him.  
13:00: another 3 hours of lectures.  
16:00: finally he is free. Free for the gym and 2 hours of cardio and weight training. During which he allows himself a litre bottle of water and half an energy bar.  
18:00: back to the dormitory to study relentlessly until finally falling asleep, still fully dressed on top of the blanket on his bed. In a room so devoid of personality no one would guess it was occupied. 

There is nothing happy about Virgils life, he has spent his first 22 years on Earth trying to be the perfect child his father demanded. Sure the first few years weren’t that bad; he even had some fun times during his childhood. His mom would sit and play the piano, with him on her lap repeating the notes and she even managed to talk his father into letting him take lessons. The hours spent at the piano or painting were the only escapes he had. 

Remembering the rows he had with his father regarding his future. He wanted to go to art school in Paris and tour Europe studying art history. His father telling him that he wasn’t prepared to pay for him to follow his own dreams, threatening to break his hands if he needed the motivation to do as he is ordered. Virgil was his child and therefore had to do as he was told. 

Virgil still painted, but secretly, where no one could ever find out. His pictures are all full of rage, using dark dismal landscapes to convey his feelings on canvas, and they are all stored under the loose floorboard under his bed.

The only brother who knows his shameful artistic secret is Gordon, the only brother who has suffered as badly at their father’s hands than he has. The one who came so close to dying from a rib fracture which punctured his lung and left him unable to breathe. It was Virgil who was sent to find him, after he had not turned up for dinner. The panic when he found him barely breathing, having collapsed in the bathroom still has him waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, screaming. 

His father’s reaction to it all, acting like the concerned parent while Gordon was rushed away in an ambulance for surgery, to the man who sat by his bedside for three days, his vows to change. Vows which only lasted a few weeks before he was back to the angry, volatile dictator they all knew, and that they all hated.

For what feels like the millionth time, Virgil vows to himself that he is done with this life. Getting up from the desk and stripping his shirt off. He stares at himself in the mirror, running a finger across his prominent collar bones and ribs. There are scars on his back from his father’s belt, and his body is covered with fine, downy hair, including his face. Hair he has to shave every morning. His father would never accept facial fungus.

He has no control over any aspect of his life, forced to be the poster child for family harmony, he found strange comfort is being able to control his food intake, starting when he was 14 years old, after his father called ridiculed him at Alans birthday party when he had an extra slice of cake. That one throw away comment made him realise that it didn’t matter what he did, his father was never going to be proud of him. And it started a vicious cycle of eating and purging, which became barely eating when he realised that he needed to get some control over his life. Counting calories, obsessively weighing himself 5 times a day because the only thing he was good at. Smiling every morning when he hopped on the scales and found the pounds falling off him.

Being his ideal weight was the only thing he knew he was good at. This is the only thing he has left, and not even Gordon knows about this secret. 

His mind made up, tomorrow he is quitting the course and living his own life. Happy with his decision, he collapses into bed, after updating his food diary. Pleased that he didn’t give into his cravings for food, that the only thing that passed his lips was his morning coffee, some water and half an energy bar.

*TB*

However the following morning, he can’t do it. The alarm dragging him out of bed at 5:30, and starts running, the urge to just keep running getting stronger by the minute. Visions of his mother and fathers disappointment if he quit, knowing his youngest brothers will bear the brunt of the anger, and that his fathers an expert with the belt destroys his resolve, rather be unhappy here and know that his brothers are safe than happy in Paris while his brothers get whipped for the most minor offenses, such as breathing without consent.

Pouring his one cup of coffee he allows himself, he can’t help feeling the cold. He is always cold now. luckily, it is February and there is still enough snow on the ground to hide beneath thick woollen jumpers over layers of t-shirts, and a special thermal vest designed to keep the heat in, without anyone questioning it.

He is hiding in his usual spot in the library when his phone rings. Groaning when he sees his fathers name on the caller I.D, knowing that there would be severe punishment inflicted if he dared to ignore it. 

“Father?” He asks, swiping a finger across the screen to accept the incoming call.

“Gordon set the barn on fire, Alan fell trying to put it out and is in the hospital” Jeff replies, his business-like voice devoid of emotion.

“WHAT?! Is he okay? What about Gordon?” Virgil has to know.

“He has a broken leg and serious burns to his upper body, but he will be fine.” Jeff tells him.

“And Gordon?” Virgil knows that Gordon will be feeling really guilty if Alan got hurt because of something he did, growing up these two were each other’s best friends. 

“I don’t care, I am done with him” Jeff replies, animosity dripping from his words.

“Tell Alan I will be there as soon as I can” Virgil tells him, vowing to call Gordon the second he is off the phone.

“No, you are staying where you are. Finish college. With the grades you got last year you need all the extra time studying that you can get. You constantly disappoint me boy, and if you dare come home before the end of the semester you will fail the course, and then you will be billed for all 4 years of college. I have sacrificed a great deal for you Virgil and you will do as I say or there will be consequences” Jeff tells him. 

“You know what father...” Virgil starts, but he can’t finish, his heart is pounding, and there is sweat dripping down his forehead. He cannot believe that he almost told his father how he felt.

“What?” Jeff asks. 

“Forget it, tell Alan I will talk to him in a few days” He tells him. 

Jeff is smiling, knowing he has his second born child exactly where he belongs. Under his thumb. “Better. Goodbye Virgil” 

Virgil hangs up without another word and dials Gordons number.

“Hey Virg” he replies answering after only one ring.

“Where are you?” Virgil asks, getting straight to the point. 

“Hi Gordon, how are you. I am fine thanks Virgil thanks for asking” Gordon replies sarcastically. 

“Gordon, this is serious. Stop being a brat!” Virgil replies, rolling his eyes.

“Okay fine, somewhere in Colorado. Guessing you have spoken to Jefferson” Gordon tells him. 

“Where are you going?” Virgil asks.

“LA, I am going to try out for W.A.S.P. I was going to contact you once I had arrived to ask if you wanted to be my emergency contact” Gordon tells him.

“W.A.S.P?” Virgil replies in shock, of all the things he pictured, this was not even on the waiting list. 

“Yeah, they have an amazing oceanography course I want to do, and I can complete it while I am on active duty. Seriously Virg there recruiting for a year long study on a bathyscape of marine farming methods. You know I have only ever wanted this. And I can find so many ways to help the environment. No rocket trips to far off galaxies murdering the earths natural resources.” Breaking out into one of the arguments he was forever having with their father.

Virgil can’t help the feelings of jealousy; his brother is going to escape from the tyranny of their parents while he is going to be trapped forever. A college degree he doesn’t want and a lifetime working for his father in Tracy Industries. 

“So you will be my emergency contact?” Gordon asks, interrupting the silence.

“Why me though and not father?” Virgil asks.

“Are you kidding me? He can’t know about this Virg. Please don’t tell him” all initial cockiness has gone, now there is sheer terror behind the words. 

“Just chill Gords, it’s fine” Virgil reassures him, he was never going to let their father know. 

“I know that if I leave, I can never go back, but I want you to know that I love you Virg. Jefferson is never going to forgive me for this, and to be honest I don’t need his validation to be happy. But please do me a favour, get out while you still can. Graduate from college if you have to then just cut him off, because you will never be happier to do so.” Gordon tells him. 

“Surely he isn’t all bad?” Virgil asks. 

“The scars we all have should tell you exactly the kind of man you are dealing with. I nearly died because of him, and I am done. Sure I will miss Allie, but I can’t do it anymore” Gordons eyes are filling with tears, but he has to keep going. 

“I will call you in a few days” Virgil tells him.

“Don’t, if Jefferson finds out you will lose everything you have worked for. Virg seriously I can’t contact you and you can’t contact me, just until this is over. I can’t ruin everything you have worked for to, I am not Jefferson” Gordon tells him sadly. 

“Then why would you ask for me to be your emergency contact?” Virgil asks getting angry at the situation Gordon has just put him in.

“Simple, how would you feel if in 10 years’ time you decided to finally look for me to find out I died 8 years ago?” Gordon asks.

“Oh don’t start with the guilt trip! Just promise me that nothing bad is going to happen to you” Virgil requests.

“I promise Virg” Gordon tells him seriously. “Look after Allie for me, he wants to be a race car driver, I have been sneaking him out to the tracks for the last 18 months, again don’t let Jefferson find out!” 

“What else doesn’t he know?” Virgil asks, not sure he even wants to know!

“You could write several books on what Jefferson doesn’t know about his kids Virg” Gordon replies, there is genuine sadness in his voice now, the sarcasm from earlier has dried up.

“Goodbye Gordy” 

“Goodbye Virgy, love you” Gordon replies before ending the call. 

“I love you too” Virgil tells the silent phone

*TB*

Virgil gets back to work. Knowing that he has lost his brother forever.


	4. Johns Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love, loss, live. It's Johns childhood.

John learned from an early age the best way to get on in life was to keep his head down and pretend to the world that he was okay. He was born with an insatiable appetite for learning and could have happily moved into his local library away from his noisy brothers, and the insufferable anger of his father. He hears the screaming in his sleep, even though it has been 2 years since he spent more than 2 days in their company. One of his brothers would do something stupid and their father would deal with it the only way he knew how. Gordon's and Alan's pranks, Gordon's grades, Scott's drinking Virgil getting caught at the piano or with a paintbrush in his hand. They all got it, John would hide away from the world and focus on his future. One day he is going to escape from his fathers shadow, and be his own man.

Growing up, John managed to avoid the worst of his fathers' anger, choosing to spend his time alone studying. Studying is the only thing he is good at, putting in the effort that saw him graduate with Virgil, 2 years early and saw him getting admitted to Harvard. Harvard were so desperate for him to join that they offered him a full scholarship, which Jeff made him turn down, so he could pay for Johns College education himself. To the outside world it was an incredible, heartfelt, and generous gesture. Allowing Harvard to free up a scholarship to a student who wouldn't be able to afford to go otherwise. But John knew better, this was Jeffs way of controlling his children's lives, to make them grateful that he is willing to invest so heavily in their futures.

Jeff's confidence in Johns academic abilities was not misplaced, and he graduated his 4-year course in half of that time, and was offered a job with NASA and is currently doing his astronaut training with the intention of going up to the new space station on the next shuttle. Jeff doesn't understand Johns reasons for wanting to get off the planet so badly. But his mom does, she was the one who encouraged his dreams, the first time she found him in the bathroom with his blood dripping from his wrists, the blade from the razor lying on the floor abandoned. He was only 13 years old the first time he tried to take his own life and it all started with his first heartbreak.

John tried so hard to stay out of trouble, but Jenny was his downfall. Jenny was perfect in every way, the one person who believed in him and that he could be everything he wanted to be. The pair met at summer camp when they were 13. She had long auburn hair, down to her waist which she always just let hang loosely around her face, and a fringe which covered her eyes. Like John she was always finding ways to hide away from the world. But she was the one who opened his eyes to everything that he has missed out on.

Born in Connecticut, Jenny was his intellectual equal. He found himself sneaking from his cabin in the dark of the night and meeting up with her in the middle of the lake which   
separated the boys camp from the girl's camp. They would both take a rowboat over and spend hours lying side by side on the small island in the middle and just talk.

He told her about his fathers tyranny, and the fact he was only allowed to come to the camp because it was part of a deal his father made with his mother after he nearly killed Gordon, it was a summer of carefree fun for all 5 boys or a messy and costly divorce, and even then it was a difficult decision for his father to make! He tells her about his hopes and dreams for the future, that all he wants from life is a family. One who loves him for who he is and doesn't make him hide who he is from the world. Vowing to her that if he ever had children he would love and cherish them, and never subject them to his own fathers' brand of "discipline"

In turn Jenny tells him about the books he isn't allowed to read and the music he isn't allowed to listen too. She tells him about life outside of Kansas, of canals in Venice, the leaning tower of Pisa, the Colosseum in Rome all from her summer in Italy the previous year. Captivating him with tales of beauty and a culture that he has only ever seen on TV.

He loved being near her, her was getting caught sneaking back into the cabin at 4 in the morning, which broke so many rules he was sent home in disgrace. 13 years of exemplary behaviour ruined by one girl. He managed to keep her name out of it, convincing the camp director and his father that he had just been for a walk. It was his first experience of the belt, and he vowed to make it his last.

But getting her out of his mind was easier said than done, she was all he could think of, but he was too scared to contact her.

Until the package arrived. Slipping upstairs he tears it open. Revealing a book one that has been banned in Kansas for years following a campaign from a group who claimed it spread social discord and enmity amongst the population. It was one of the books he has always wanted to read, and he can't wait to get started but he has a full day of school instead. He sighed, deeply disappointed placing the book into his bag and sneaking it out the house.

Settling into his corner in the library during his lunch break, John pulls the book from his bag and runs his finger down its spine. Before opening up this latest treasure. "When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow."

He doesn't get far into the book before it is plucked from his grasp by the librarian. She screams at him about the dangers of reading filth before marching both him and his precious book to the principal's office. The pain of his fathers' belt was nothing to the burning sensation and the humiliation of the principal's paddle, and neither of them compared to the hell of watching his father burn the book in front of him.

Throwing himself on the bed, holding the package the book came in he cries harder than he has ever cried before. Harder than he cried when his maternal grandparents were killed in a car crash when he was 8. Or when he first visited Gordon after his life saving lung surgery and his little brother was attached to so many wires, he had no idea where he wires ended and his brother began. Or when his dad belted him for getting thrown out of camp. Or earlier this afternoon when he was given his first ever paddling. No losing the book was much worse, this was the final proof he needed that he was only ever going to be John Tracy. The third son of a billionaire tyrant and nothing he wanted out of life was ever going to be possible.

He lets the brown paper packaging fall to the floor before finally spotting the letter as it flutters slowly to the ground. his interest is piqued for the first time since he got home and gave his mom the note regarding his crimes and punishment and was confined to his room, with the promise of a visit from his father and no supper, and he grabs the letter from the floor and lying propped up on his elbows on his stomach he begins to read.

Dearest John,

I hope that this letter finds you well. I was heartbroken when I found out what happened to you. I must assume you never ratted me out, as I was never caught, and I can't even begin to thank you. You were the only guy I have ever met that has let me into their lives so unreservedly.

But I can't do this to you anymore, everything I ever told you was a lie. I do live in Connecticut, but my family could never afford to send me to camp, and I was there on a pity placement for under privileged youths. I live in a small house with my mom, my dad left us before I was even born, and I have never met him. He denies my existence and refuses to pay child support as a result my mom works 2 jobs just to keep a roof over our heads. The only thing I have ever seen of Italy is on the television and through books.

I remember our talks about books and reading, and how you have never been allowed to read To Kill a Mockingbird as it is banned in Kansas. I wanted you to have it to remember me by, again I am truly sorry for any pain that I caused you and I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

I love you so much,

Jenny.

John was wrong, there are more painful things in life than losing a book. The paper is stained with his tears as he rereads her words. She lied to him to make her life seem glamourous and happy so that he wouldn't feel sorry for her, but he does feel nothing but pity for her, and for himself as he experiences his first heart break and he cries once more for his lost love.

John never wrote back.

And he made sure he never put himself into a position like this again.

He was at Harvard studying Advanced Telecommunications. He loved Harvard, and he loved Boston. Everything is so different here. Getting away from life in Kansas with his father was the best decision John ever made, he woke up every day with a smile on his face knowing he had another day of studying ahead of him. Learning gives John his purpose.

He is surprised during lunch when his father calls. It has been several weeks since they last spoke.

"Hello Father" He answers with a smile on his face.

"John, there was an incident at the house last night. Gordon set the barn on fire and Alan got hurt trying to put it out" Jeff tells him, getting straight to the point and not bothering with small talk.

John is shocked, Gordon was the family troublemaker, but even he didn't think he would go this far! "What happened? Are Alan and Gordon okay?"

"Alan has a broken leg and some burns on his arms and hands but he's going to be fine" Jeff replies.

"And Gordon?" John asks, almost afraid of the answer he is about to get.

"He is not your concern, that boy has embarrassed and disgraced this family for the last time, he is no longer your brother and no longer my son" Jeffs voice is bitter and resentful, and John can feel his heart breaking for Gordon.

"Do you need me to come home?" He asks.

"No, stay there and finish your research. I have let Virgil know and I will let Scott know now" Jeffs tone is authoritative and John knows better than to argue.

"Okay father just let me know if you need anything and ask Allie to call me if he needs a chat" John tells him.

"I will tell him you said hi, but you are not to contact him as he is being punished for his own stupidity" Jeff growls

"Whatever Father I am going back to work, tell mom I said hi" John tells him. Waiting for his father to hang up the phone, as he considers one of the boys hanging up on him as the height of disrespect.

WhatsApp:  
John: WTAF Virg?!  
Virgil: I know John, I don't know what to do.  
John: all I know is there is no point arguing with him while he is like this, it will just make things worse.  
Virgil: Yeah it will, colonel dictator has spoken!  
John: I have class to get too, speak to you later Virg  
Virgil: Call me if you want to talk  
John: Thanks bro.

John messages his boss to advise he has a headache and is going back to his apartment to sleep it off. For the first time in his life he doesn't feel guilty about telling a lie, he needs some time alone to process what he has just been told.

The apartment block is mercifully empty, as John goes straight to his room, glad that he does not have to waste time making small talk with the other residents. Lying on his bed and flipping through the photos on his phone. Photos of his brothers throughout their childhood stored into an album for convenience. Alan as a baby fast asleep on top of the laundry basket, Gordon on top of a dive board about to jump, Virgil sitting on the piano bench with their mom laughing delightedly as his fat 3 year old fists pound the keys, Scott fully dressed in his football uniform before his first game, next to him just after, completely filthy and grinning like he has just won the Super Bowl.

John misses these boys so much sometimes it hurts physically to think of them, and now he is about to lose Gordon forever. The little brat who danced about the house chanting "Johnny got popped" for hours after the paddling until his mom banished him to his room for the night after he was dragged to their fathers office for a whipping for teasing his brother, but he was also the one who sneaked into his room after everyone was asleep to make sure he was okay. Gordons scream when he fell out the tree house and broke his wrist haunts his nightmares. Gordon was a pain in the butt, but he was his pain in the butt and there is no way he is letting his father tear him away.

John is only 20 years old, but he feels 80, his arms and legs are crisscrossed with scars from his self harming, the only relief he has been able to find, his one and only coping mechanism when everything becomes overwhelming and crying is no longer enough. Opening up the kit he keeps hidden for emergencies, the pent up frustration he is feeling comes seeping out in waves of deep red blood as he opens up the old wounds on his thighs, sinking to the floor of his bathroom John waits for the feeling of relief that usually comes from cutting. Only this time it doesn't and he finds himself crying harder and harder until the exhaustion takes a hold of him and the world around him goes black

John never picked up To Kill a Mockingbird again.


	5. Scotts Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott can't cope with being Jeff Tracys eldest child and finds solace in the bottom of a vodka bottle.

Scott has been on guard duty all night and is so grateful that he has a bed to collapse into when he gets back to the barracks. Okay so it is not the most comfortable bed in the world, and it is in a room he has to share with 12 other members of the United States Air Force, but it is his and right now it is the most precious possession he owns. Grateful that he doesn’t have to be back on duty until 1900 hours, Scott has a quick shower before falling into a deep untroubled sleep.

His alarm set for 16:30, and no intentions of getting up before then Scott is furious when the ringing from his phone wakes him just after 13:00. 13:07 to be precise, the year he has spent in the air force has left him used to making every second count.

Groaning as he reaches for the phone which he has left on the nightstand next to his bed, Scott finds himself automatically jumping out of bed and subconsciously standing stiffly as he swipes to answer his phone.

“Good afternoon Father, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you” Scott says into the phone, even as the words are out of his mouth he regrets them, he should always expect a surprise call from his father checking up on him, that was part of their deal.

“This isn’t a call to check on you” Jeff tells him much to Scott’s surprise. “I am calling to tell you that Alan has been injured in a fire started by Gordon” 

Scott is horrified, sure Gordon has always been trouble, but arson? “I’m sorry what?!”

“Gordon was setting off fireworks and set the barn alight, Alan was trying to help put it out and fell from a ladder. He has a broken leg and third degree burns to his upper body” Jeff tells him, filling in some more of the details. 

“Is Gordon okay?” Scott has to know, if he is the one responsible for Alan getting hurt he will be beating himself up far worse than anything Jeff can do.

Jeffs reply is a low guttural growl “He is gone, that’s all you need to know” Scott doesn’t realise but he is the third person to ask about Gordon, Jeff was expecting them to be equally furious and to back up his decision to exile his 4th child.

“GONE?!” Scott shouts horrified. Gone could mean just about anything, and visions of Jeff having murdered him and thrown his body on the fire leave him paralysed in fear.

“Yes gone, I have had enough of it and I am not putting up with it anymore. I should have done this years ago” Jeff tells him.

“So he’s alive?” Scott has to ask; he has to know.

“Of course he’s alive you idiot. What did you think I meant? I had killed him and buried him in the yard?” Jeff replies incredulously.

“Well, have you?” Scott asks.

“No I have not, I told him to be gone by the time I get home and if he isn’t then maybe he will be!” Jeff replies.

“Father?” Scott is shocked, he has spent his entire life looking up to this man, turning a blind eye when he has mercilessly beaten his brothers, and unable to escape punishment himself, but this is beyond anything he can comprehend.

“No Scott, I am serious this time, Gordon is no longer allowed to be a part of this family and I will never see him or speak to him again” Jeff tells him.

Scott isn’t stupid and he knows when to admit defeat. “I have leave at the end of the month, if you need me to come home for a few days”

“Sure, but you are not to speak to Alan as he is going to be confined to his room indefinitely until he learns his lesson, and if he never does he will spend the rest of his life in there” Jeff tells him.

“And Scott?” Jeff adds.

“Yes father?” 

“Don’t you dare do anything stupid, you know why you were made to join the air force after you graduated, and I had to pay a small fortune to keep you from going to prison and to keep the shame of what you did and what you are out of the papers. Do. Not. Let. Me. Down.” 

And with that his father is gone, he’s actually hung up on him.

Scott has never been more tempted to go back to his old mechanism for coping with the train wreck that is his life. Starting when he was just 14 and had been caught cheating on a test. He wasn’t the one cheating, Scott has always been clever enough to get the straight A’s his father expected of him, but his football teammates weren’t. Scott was caught supplying them the answers.

He found comfort in the most surprising of places, a friend to help numb the pain from the paddle, and even worse the news that he was going to be expelled from the school football team. 

The dread in the deep pit of his stomach when he took the disciplinary note home, one confirming the disgrace that he was never to play on any of the schools teams again, having his backside paddled, and three weeks of Saturday detention. 

He could cope with all of it, if only there was someone at home that didn’t judge him, like his mother was clearly doing as she read the letter before ordering him straight to bed without supper. 

Or someone who didn’t show his love with a thick leather belt, like his father. 

Or even someone who didn’t tease him mercilessly for getting spanked at school, like Gordon and Alan, even though neither of them are strangers to getting similar treatment, both at school and at home. Even at ages 6 and 7, at least their father doesn’t use a belt on them at this age, preferring a bruising hairbrush spanking delivered to their bare backsides instead. 

He can talk to Virgil, but he is away on a school trip and John lives with his head in the clouds and wouldn’t know what to say.

But no, it is up to Scott to find his own method for coping with the pain, and he has.

Vodka.

Pilfered from his father’s secret stash, he finds himself drinking more and more. First it was just a few shots, quickly knocked back to numb the pain, he became an expert at hiding his drinking. Choosing to carry on even after his father promised the school a new library to reinstate Scott to the football team.

He kept his vodka stash in old water bottles, taking advantage of their both being clear liquids and easier to hide. By the time he is 17, he is so dependant on alcohol, that he can’t get through a day without it. 

He doesn’t even stop when his father, enraged with Gordons latest prank, and lack of remorse throws the terrified 10-year-old against a wall before kicking him so hard he leaves him fighting for his life. Scott was amazed that Gordon managed a full week before the pain and the infection became so unbearable that he was found unconscious in the bathroom by Virgil unable to breathe. 

He became a master of hiding his alcohol consumption, even after he graduated from high school and started his business degree at Yale which included a year abroad in Oxford. Jeff has been grooming Scott with the intentions of letting him work for Tracy Industries and eventually take over the company so that he can retire. 

Scott’s own dreams and ambitions have always been secondary to those of his fathers, he only ever wanted to be happy and to live a life where he is wanted and loved, instead he has spent his life being unable to protect those he cares the most about from the one man who was supposed to protect them.

Scott’s shameful secret was exposed to his father the night of his college graduation when he went on a celebratory pub crawl with his fellow graduates and wrapped the brand-new Porsche – a graduation gift from his parents – around a tree. He suffered a fractured collarbone, several cracked ribs and a fractured arm. 

Scott is relieved when the secret is exposed, and he finds himself telling his father everything, admitting that he started drinking after the cheating scandal, and that he hadn’t been fully sober for 24 hours in a row since. 8 years he has managed to hide behind a façade of normality.

Jeff once again pays for the case against Scott to be dropped in exchange for him to go into a rehabilitation facility. Telling his brothers that he is taking a vacation and travelling through Europe as a gift for graduating college, Jeff can not stand the shame of having an alcoholic child. 

On the eve of his release, he is joined by Jeff. Scott has been kept at the facility for nearly 2 months. Jeff is the one who gives Scott his orders to report to the Air Force base, and that as his father he is enrolling him in the military to ensure his continued discipline and obedience. This is Scott’s final chance; he messes this up and he is on his own. He will be tested for drugs and alcohol every week and there is a zero-tolerance policy for both. 

Used to following orders and the strictest of discipline, Scott excels in the Air Force. Even though every minute of his life is now strictly regulated, he has never felt freer. 

Until right now, right now all he can think about Gordon. He knows that Alan will be fine, but Gordon being cast out hurts his heart. All thoughts of further sleep are driven from his brain, he needs to talk to Gordon.

Bringing up his brothers’ number on his phone, Scott dials Gordons number, expecting it to go to voicemail, he is surprised when he answers.

“Hi Scott” His voice sounds exhausted. 

“Gordon, what happened?” Scott asks, getting straight to the point.

“Well dad lost his temper and demanded I leave home and get a job as apparently I have no ambition. Alan wanted one last fun memory of his favourite, funniest, best looking brother…” 

“But I wasn’t around, get to the point!” Scott tells him.

“I had some fireworks and decided to do him a display, Jefferson distracted me and one of them launched at an angle and flew into the barn, which caught fire. Guessing you have spoken to Jefferson?” Gordon asks.

“I have, and the way he tells it is you set the barn on fire for a laugh. Why do you keep calling him Jefferson?” 

“Because that is his name, and it is more personal than calling him Mr Tracy and more polite than calling him Psycho-Dictator, both of which are acceptable.” Gordon tells him. “I can’t call him father as he has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be my father anymore” 

“Look Gordy, just give him a few days to calm down. He loves you Gordon” Scott insists. “If you want somewhere to stay, I have an apartment you can borrow.” 

“It’s okay Scotty, I have a plan. but I can’t tell you what I am doing or even where I am going, and it isn’t because I don’t trust you because I do, but I don’t want to put you in the position of having to hide anything from Jefferson.” Gordon tells him. 

“Okay Gordy, but never delete my number and if you ever need anything you know where I am.” Scott tells him, fighting back tears and the urge to go straight to the nearest bar. 

“I will, thank you for everything Scott. I love you” Gordon tells him, his voice is cracking with emotion.

“I love you too Gordy” Scott tells him hanging up the phone. 

Hugging the phone to his chest, memories of his younger brother are flooding his brain.

The good and the bad.

The bad. The day Gordon was born, not being able to visit his new baby brother in the hospital for the first 5 weeks of his life. The good. The miraculous day he was allowed to come home.

The bad. Falling out of the treehouse when he was only 6 years old and breaking his wrist so badly it needed pinning back together. The good. His brave smile when he woke up from the operation and told him off for worrying so much.

The bad. Being teased mercilessly by him every single time he found himself in trouble, at school or home. The good. Sneaking into his room every time he got a paddling at school, or a whipping from his dad to make sure that he was okay. A tradition he taught Alan to respect. Tease your big brothers but love them unconditionally, and always be there for them.

There are a million other examples he can mention of the pure hearted little brother he has loved for 17 years, and will keep on loving, no matter what his father says.

And it is keeping his brothers safe that causes Scott to go back to bed and not to the nearest off licence.


	6. Lucys story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy Tracy is a wife and a mother, one who has watched her children being torn apart. can there be any redemption for a woman who lets her husband hurt her children?

“D-d-dad? Mom? Gordy?” Alan croaks. He has been in an induced coma for a week, finally waking to find himself alone. He is only awake long enough to realise that his parents and his brothers have all left him here all alone before he is once again unconscious. Realising that he shouldn’t have expected anything different. 

*TB*

Jeff is angry. A week and he has not had anyone to bully and belittle and he can’t stand it. Getting home to find Gordon has stolen 50 000 dollars from him, which he was hiding from the government to avoid paying tax, a trick he has been using since he learned the definition of the words tax avoidance! Clever accounting and having clients give him cash without contracts or traceable receipts have saved Jeff millions over the years. Even choosing to pay his sons medical bills in cash as it is tax deductible! Jefferson would write books on tax fraud if he thought he could get away with it! 

Lucy couldn’t care less about the money, but the jewellery he stole was irreplaceable and she like Jeff is fuming. 

Only she is not angry with Gordon, he she is worried sick about. He hasn’t contacted any of his brothers because she has asked them and they wouldn’t lie to her, and his cell phone number has been disconnected. She wants nothing more than to sit by Alans bedside every minute of the day, but her husband will not let her. 

Her anger is at Jeff for putting her beautiful, unique 4th child in this position.

When she first met Jeff Tracy, he had just returned from space a hero. There’s was a whirlwind marriage and she didn’t even have time to get used to the idea of being a wife before she found out that she was pregnant with Scott. Lucy loved being a mother and was thrilled when she had Virgil and John as she had always wanted a big family.

Jeff never told her he believed in corporal punishment, and she found out the hard way.

Wishing more than ever that she had taken the boys and ran the first time he laid a hand on Scott. The boy had been 5 years old and had spilled milk all over baby John. It was on purpose as John was in pain from teething and wouldn’t stop crying, and in Scott’s words “was annoying him”. Jeff had grabbed the terrified child thrown him roughly across his lap and spanked his bare bottom with her hairbrush in front of Virgil until they were both crying. Scott from the pain and humiliation and Virgil from the pure terror. Telling her that the lesson would serve Virgil well in the future if he got any “ideas” 

She left him that very day, packing Johns diapers, formula, and baby clothes into his diaper bag, and throwing as many clothes and toys into a suitcase for Virgil and Scott. Not thinking to take anything for herself, just wanting to get her boys out of there. 

She moved her boys back into her parents’ home, telling her mom and dad what he had done and that she was never going back.

Jeff tracked her down within 24 hours, telling her that there was nowhere she could hide, she belonged to him and so did the boys. He would only let her leave in one way and that was in a box 6 feet under the ground, and that she would not be allowed to interfere with the way he raised the boys. 

Over the years she got used to living in fear, terrified that if she spoke up one of the boys would get really hurt. 

After Jeff first beat Scott, Lucy vowed that she would never give him another child to torture, but he was insatiable. She can pinpoint the moment Gordon was conceived; it was their wedding anniversary. The neighbours teenaged daughter was babysitting the three boys while they went for a meal. Jeff had told all three boys that they would be punished severely if they misbehaved and they were to do as they were told. 

John was 20 months old and already terrified of his father and would hide from him when he started shouting. Once he had hidden under his bed while Jeff was shouting at Virgil for not putting his toys away and fallen asleep there. Causing panic in his mom who was convinced that he was hurt or had managed to get out of the house somewhere. It was Scott who finally found him curled up around his teddy bear – a present from his Grandparents – under the bed fast asleep. Lucy was too relieved to be angry, and luckily Jeff had left the house for work before he found out that John was missing. 

Scott had grown into a conscientious child, trying hard to keep his father from getting angry with his brothers and would ensure that they both stuck to their orders to behave, besides they liked their babysitter, she usually bought something for them to do together, sometimes a puzzle or an art project. 

Jeff was drunk by the end of the night, volatile and meaner than a rattle snake when sober, Jeff was even worse when he was drunk. So Lucy had sex with him, to protect her boys. Jeff never let Lucy use birth control, but she was always so careful. Until tonight, tonight she didn’t care about anything but keeping her husband busy and occupied and when he was done, he withdrew, rolled over onto his side, and let out a low guttural snore. 

For weeks Lucy put off the pregnancy test, terrified that the symptoms she knew only too well, her swelling breasts, the morning sickness and most telling of all the missed period. When she finally plucked up the courage, she wept at the result which confirmed her worst fears. 

Lucy was pregnant with her 4th child.

She thought about abortion about quietly aborting the baby and never letting Jeff know, but she knew it wasn’t an option, she was already in love with the wriggly worm of hope inside of her that was to become child number 4.

Unlike her previous 3 pregnancies, number 4 was complicated, prolonged morning sickness well into her 5th month saw her hospitalised with severe dehydration. She knew she was having another boy, Jeff insisted on knowing the sex, and was acting like the loving, kind attentive husband he had been in the early days of their marriage. Baby number 4 was then renamed Gordon Cooper, on Jeffs insistence, she didn’t mind, as long as he was healthy Jeff could name him whatever he liked. 

The day before valentine’s day, Friday the 13th, Lucy was 7 months pregnant and already feeling like a beached whale, she had fallen asleep on the sofa with 2 year old John while 4 year old Virgil played quietly, not wanting to disturb his mom and brother when Jeff threw open the door and marched Scott into the house having picked him up from school. 

Scott was crying and Jeff looked furious at the scene of the two sleepers with Virgil left to his own devices. Jeff screamed her name causing her to startle and jump up from the sofa and John started to cry. Jeff shouted at her to shut ‘that bloody child up or he would’ which immediately quietened John. 

His voice low and menacing as he grabbed her by the arm and forced her through to the kitchen telling the 3 boys that if just one followed all three would get a spanking before demanding to know why she hadn’t picked Scott up from school. That he had been embarrassed to be called to advise that Scott had been left behind. She hadn’t answered her cell phone, she groans when she sees the missed calls from the school and from Jeff and can only apologise. 

That was the first time Jeff had ever slapped her, a loud crack across her cheek with the palm of his hand which caused her to cry out in pain, and for little Scott to come running. Jeffs anger was then directed to the boy who had deliberately defied him, and he got the promised spanking and Virgil and John were given the same treatment, as promised. 

Lucy remembers screaming at him to stop, that the boys didn’t deserve this, they hadn’t done anything wrong. The look of disgust he gave her as he accused her of trying to raise weak willed mommas’ boys. He was going to kill them all right there, and the immense shock caused her to go into premature labour, she will never forget the exact moment her waters broke, all over the kitchen floor. A sharp shooting pain across her abdomen as she begged him to help her save their baby. 

The terror of premature labour, the possibility of giving birth on her kitchen floor. Having to convince Jeff that this was happening, to spur him to get her to the hospital. 

Baby Gordon was delivered via an emergency caesarean just after midnight on the 14th of February and she never even got to hold him before he was rushed away to neonatal intensive care. She had never felt more alone. Jeff had to stay with the boys and her parents lives an hour away and she had no method of contacting them, and there is no way Jeff was going too.

Despite the trauma of Gordons arrival, Lucy loved the tiny scrap fighting for his life in an incubator. The first time she was allowed to see him he was already 2 days old and weighed less than 2 pounds. He had wisps of thin ref hair poking out from a cotton hat. Jeffs father’s hair. Tiny but fully formed fingers and toes. His whole body would have fit into the palm of her hand had she been allowed to pick him up. She would sit next to him for hours, reading to him, singing to him. She cried the first time she was able to hold him, lying him on her chest his head rested against her shoulder, her little miracle.

Virgil and John had been enrolled in day care and Scott was at school even after they finally bought Gordon home, he had needed so much attention. 

His big brothers were growing into a unit, doing everything they could to help look after Gordon, who they had affectionately nicknamed ‘squirt’ and to protect each other from their father. Scott was old enough now to realise that his father was not like normal fathers. 

Alan was a shock. Lucy had had no symptoms of pregnancy apart from gaining weight, but the baby was up near her rib cage, so she never gained an obvious belly. She had secretly started taking the pill after Gordons birth, but a urinary tract infection had seen her prescribed antibiotics which no one told her rendered the pill useless. Complaining bitterly of indigestion the day Alan was born it wasn’t until she felt a contraction that she realised that something was very wrong. 

Gordon had only just discovered the joys of walking, at 13 months he was slightly behind where his brothers were but their paediatrician had confirmed that this was to be expected as he spent the first 2 months of his life in the hospital and that he would catch up in his own time. Gordon loved being on his feet, toddling around the house, he followed Virgil everywhere because Virgil let him. But right now she had no idea what to do. Jeff was on a business trip and not due back until the following Friday.

She asked Scott to call for an ambulance, now nearly 8 Scott was more mature than his father had ever been. The surprise when the paramedic told her she was having a baby could have won her an Oscar if she had been in a movie. 

Her boys were taken from her at the hospital. Into emergency foster care until either their grandparents or their father could come and collect them, and she found herself once again alone and giving birth.

Alan Bartlett Tracy was everything Gordon hadn’t been, big, bouncy, and loud! Perfectly healthy mother and baby were discharged the same day. Sunday March 15th 2044. Her boys were returned an hour after she got home, and this time Lucy Tracy vowed she was done. Her family was complete. 

Jeff didn’t believe that she had no idea she was pregnant and became paranoid that she planned to take the baby and run but her plans had been thwarted when the hospital called him, he didn’t leave his business trip early, instead choosing to leave her with a new born, a rambunctious 13 month old, a precocious 3 year old, a dreamy 5 year old and a sensible 7 year old. All of whom had different needs. And were on winter break from their schools and daycare.

But she tried, she taught Scott how to change Gordon and Alans diapers and to help with making school lunches. She let Virgil entertain them all with piano music, which was the only thing Alan would fall asleep too. she taught John how to hold Alan properly and he would sit with him for hours in their rocking chair while they both listened to Virgil play.

Alan hated sleep. Sleep meant he was missing out. By the end of the week she was tearing her hair out, she had tried so hard, but she couldn’t do it alone. As cruel and as cold as Jeff could be, he was still the boy’s father and he loved them. 

Jeff insisted all 5 boys be spanked by him for any conceived offense, and she was to fetch them for their punishments which he would deliver and then the boy in question would be ordered to bed for the rest of the day. As they got older, they got more rebellious and started to find little ways to fight back. For which if they were caught, they would be whipped.

Gordon was in trouble every other week. Finding himself in detention or at the principal’s office for a paddling, or worse being told he was being suspended. He never meant to get into trouble, it just happened.

She couldn’t stop it, no matter how much she wanted too. There were a few times she fought back, but she never found the courage to make it stick.

No one remembers what it was Gordon did to earn Jeffs wrath, but he had been sent to his room to await his punishment. By now Gordon was 10 years old, a joy to be around, a kind-hearted, funny, clever, red headed little boy. Alan was already taller than him, but he never minded being the family runt, it made everyone want to protect him more.

But one day he angered his father and the result was the worst beating of his life, later Jeff would admit he went to far, that he shouldn’t have thrown him up against the wall or kicked him repeatedly in the ribs. 

Gordon never mentioned the pain he was in, not to his brothers or his mom and he would never tell his father. He found himself unable to breathe and was rushed to hospital with a punctured lung and severe chest infection.

Lucy knows that it should have been her who found him. That she shouldn’t have sent Virgil.

That was the second time she tried to leave Jeff, but he said he would change, he promised her that he would never put the boys in danger again. So instead of a divorce he sent the boys to summer camp.

Gordon managed the whole summer without incident, him and Alan attending the same camp were able to look out for each other, and their letters home were full of descriptions of horseback riding, archery, swimming in the lake, avoiding the arts and craft cabin, playing tennis and even miniature golf. 

John was sent home in disgrace, which lead to him getting the belt for the first time, and a paddling for sneaking a banned book into school. Jeff never told John the truth about why he burned the book. It had little to do with the book itself and if John had read it at home he would not have gotten into trouble, but he took it out of the house and got caught. A mark on Jeff Tracy’s fatherhood record, one of his boys breaking the law, and that could not be abided.

When Lucy found out that John was cutting, she told him to get out. To find a way to escape from Jeffs shadow because she knew even then that she was going to be trapped forever. 

She knows the boys think she handed them over for whipping willingly, and that all she ever cared about was their father’s money, but it isn’t true. 

Lucy Tracy loves all 5 of her boys deeply but was never strong enough to leave Jeff.

*TB*

Only now it is different, her Gordy is gone forever. She watches Jeff pace up and down the office, snarling and swearing under his breath, and she knows it is now or never.

“Jeff, I want a divorce. You can keep everything I don’t want a single cent from you, just give me Alan and we will leave.” She tells him, finally releasing the breath she didn’t even notice she was holding in.

“We have been through this Lucile. You. Can. Not. Leave. Me. Do you have any idea what that will do to my reputation? This Gordon scandal is bad enough, if the press get wind of it, it could be disastrous for my profits.” 

“Money” Lucy spits at him. “That is all you have ever cared about. I let you bully and torture my boys because you kept promising me that you would change, and if that didn’t work it was the threats that I would never see them again if I left you and if I took them there would be nowhere we could hide that the great Jeff Tracy couldn’t find. You told me that they were waking Allie up from his coma today and that I couldn’t even be with him as he needed to learn ‘his lesson’. I am done with this life and I am done with you. I am going to the hospital to be with my son. My biggest mistake was the day I gave you a chance for redemption after Gordons injuries, but you can never be redeemed Jeff. It’s over” 

Enraged, Jeff lunges for her, pinning her up against the wall. Before screaming “THE ONLY WAY OUT IS IN A BODY BAG LUCILE!” Before he shoves her out of his way and leaves her on the floor, her hand clutching her throat, and for the first time in years, Lucile Tracy starts to cry.


	7. Gordons new Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon has made it to Marineville, but will he like what he sees when he gets there?

Gordon drives straight through to California and attends his first W.A.S.P training selection having got through the first stage of the application, having submitted his initial application online via email, and been subjected to theory and practical tests of his physical strength, his leadership qualities, and his intelligence.

Now it is judgement day, a week after arrival he has been invited to meet Commander Shore, a man who has dedicated his life to both the submarine service and to W.A.S.P. A man with little patience for time wasters, insubordination, and the inability to follow orders. While on duty he always ensures that he is properly dressed in full uniform and there is an air of formality about everything he does.

He is hoverchair bound following an accident several years before and he has never let having a disability get in the way of protecting those who serve under him. 

Gordon has no idea what to expect when he gets to the main building, and is trying to keep an air of confidence as he is waved through security on production of his temporary pass and escorted to the main office where Shore is waiting for him.

“Mr Tracy! Glad you could make it I know its not an easy drive over from Kansas, and a week with our recruitment team has some of the boys running back to mommy at the first hurdle! Have a seat. I have your application form here and your grades, and I have to admit I was impressed, as well as all the results from your tests here” Commander Shore tells him.

“Really? But I didn’t get straight A’s?” Gordon asks confused, grades were all his father cared about.

“You don’t need to be a straight A student Tracy you passed every subject and your list of extra curriculars is impressive. Let’s see if I have this right. Lifeguard every summer at your local pool since you were 14, one Olympic gold medal, 12 world championship swimming medals and you were in the school chess club. Your SAT scores show the basic level of intelligence that would have got you into any college in the country if you had focused purely on grades and not your swimming. I know your father Tracy; he is a good man. He must be so proud of you.”

Gordon can’t help the tears from spilling down his face.

“Gordon?” 

“He’s not he’s not” Gordon cries, it doesn’t matter how far away he gets he can’t escape the great Jefferson Tracy.

Commander Shore presses the button which causes the door to lock and the blinds to fall automatically to give them some privacy.

“He’s a monster” Gordon tells him. There is no bitterness behind his words, just hurt. 

“Gordon, what are you talking about?” 

“I have no idea where to start sir” Gordon replies.

“How about from the beginning? What has he done to you?” Shore is confused, but more than that he is concerned.

They sit there for hours while Gordon tells him about the whippings, lifting his shirt to show him the scars from the belt and from the surgery. About how he nearly died at his fathers hands, how his father covered up scandals with bribes buying even his children’s silence with holidays in the Caribbean and Europe and Australia, expensive summer camps, all designed to show the world that he was a family man and a brilliant father who loved his children and only wanted what was best for them but behind closed doors ruled with an iron fist. He tells him about the fireworks and the barn, and how his father has cast him aside without a penny and he has nowhere else to go, so he is following the only dream he has ever had. 

“Does he know where you are?” Shore asks when Gordons story has finished.

“No. Only Virgil knows I am trying to join W.A.S.P, he has agreed to be my emergency contact.”

Commander Shore’s eyes are dark with anger and he cannot believe that anyone could justify being so cruel to someone they claim they love. He has a daughter; he knows that he will murder anyone who dared to hurt her with his bare hands in a heartbeat. Which is why he was ecstatic when she finally grew tired of Troy Tempests womanising, two timing, string along with him and Marina and kicked his sorry ass to the curb. Marina following shortly leaving him sad and alone! 

He has no idea what to say to this copper haired, skinny, pale faced young man who is not even old enough to drink alcohol, this survivor who has fought back from the brink of death who showed up in his recruitment lecture and aced every test they gave him both theory and practical. Any parent in the world would be proud to have him as a son, yet here he is alone and terrified for his future. If W.A.S.P don’t want him, then what?

Deciding to get back to business, Commander Shore delivers the news he has been waiting for, that he has made it and will join as an officer and not in the junior ranks as he expected. He goes through Gordons career goals, the degree in Oceanography he can study for while working his way up the ranks. Gordon even remembers to ask about the Bathyscape mission he has been reading about for the last 4 months, desperate to be allowed to take part. To be told it is possible, as the project is expected to last for 6 years and he can sign up for up to a year, any longer than that and he would grow gills! 

They go through his basic training programme and he is given a schedule rigidly dictating his life for the next 8 weeks. A schedule which will include stints onboard Stingray, and piloting lessons. 

Learning to fly, trips onboard the best submersible in the world, a free college education and freedom from his father. Gordon only has one question now: When does he start?!

*TB*

Having spent his life being rigidly dictated too, Gordon finds the strict discipline of basic training comforting, he doesn’t mind being shouted at knowing that’s the worst they can do to him, and takes even their most harshest criticisms in his stride. 

The food is disgusting, the barracks are drafty and cold at night and the hot water only works when it feels like it, but it feels more like home than the farm in Kansas ever did. He misses his brothers and would love to know how Alan is getting on, but he knows Jefferson can’t find him. 

Officer Duncan is the officer in charge of knowing the recruits into shape. Standing over 6 feet tall, he has hair as black as Scott’s but keeps it cropped as close to his skull as possible before being completely bald. He believes in the value of hard work and hazing the new recruits. A ritual designed to weed out those he does not consider good enough for W.A.S.P. Subjecting Gordon to a run around the base with no clothes on. 

A challenge Gordon accepted and rose to magnificently. He has never been shy about showing off the muscles gained from his years of swimming, and he has not embarrassed about the scars. He got a day in the W.A.S.P jail for his troubles, but he gained the respect of Officer Duncan, and now the two are good friends. 

His passing out parade after he has successfully completed his basic training takes place on the first official day of summer, and he wakes up to a cloudless sky, visible from the window from his bunk. There were 16 fellow recruits in his group and only 10 have survived the initial training, and as they have left the remaining candidates have found themselves spreading out across the room and Gordon now has an entire bunk to himself.

Leaping down from the bed Gordon throws his pyjamas in the laundry basket and jumps into the shower, humming the one song he remembers Virgil playing on the piano in the hours they snatched for fun while their father was out of the house. 

He knows he will be the only one there without any family, but after today he is an official W.A.S.P. Commander Shore has promised him that he will be there as his surrogate family. Every minute of his free time he has spent with Commander Shore, and when off duty he has even been permitted to call him Sam. Gordon loves this man who in 2 months has been more of a father to him than Jefferson managed in 18 years. 

Stepping out into the bright morning sunshine, Gordon sighs happily at the thought of another day in paradise. The salty scented air blowing in from the coast assaults his nostrils, and he can’t wait until this afternoon when he is free for 2 weeks before he gets his first official assignment, as he and his fellow recruits have been invited to the W.A.S.P barbecue on the beach. A celebration for the recruits and for the start of the summer. 

As promised Commander Shore is there for him, alongside a pretty young woman with short curly red hair who Gordon has not met yet. And they both cheer for him and him alone and make him feel for the first time in his life that he is the most important person in someone’s universe, and it is a feeling he likes. 

“Gordon, this is my daughter Atlanta, she is recently single” Commander Shore tells him, dropping the least subtle hint Gordon has ever heard! 

Her cheeks flush bright red in embarrassment as she gently cuffs her father around the back of the head but she is smiling, and eyeing up Gordon who is also smiling, and they make tentative plans to meet up on the beach. 

The party lasts all night, and Gordon can’t believe he ever had another life. That life of pain and fear is so far away from this world. Walking along the beach barefoot in the sand, one hand clutching a hotdog the other has his fingers entwined in Atlanta’s. 

*TB*

Under the watchful gaze of Commander Shore, Gordon starts to date his daughter. She has been played by Troy for so long that she is as deeply scarred as he is. Her marks are all in her heart. The kitten he once gave her is the only thing she has kept from their relationship and has taken to sleeping on Gordons lap whenever he pops round for a visit. 

They talk, they laugh, they go bowling, they go for meals. He tells her what it was like growing up with 4 brothers in an old non-working farm in rural Kansas. The good parts and the bad. She tells him what it was like growing up on a military base, and that she loves her life here but has often wondered just how different things would have been if her mom hadn’t died when she was just 5. She had her own hopes and dreams, dreams to travel and see the world above sea and not just below it! 

Gordon can’t help but fall in love. This is a kind, caring and compassionate woman and he has fallen hard. 

Running into the apartment with his post one morning Gordons face is flushed with excitement waving a letter about calling her name. 

“Gordon, calm down. What’s happened?” she asks him. 

“I GOT IN!” He shouts happily. The cat startled from sleep hisses at him and stalks out of the room haughtily with his tail in the air.

“The underwater farming project?” Atlanta asks. Even though this will take him away from her for a year she is thrilled for him, this has been his goal all along. 

“YES” He shouts. 

His excitement is contagious, and she throws her arms around his waist and pushes him down onto the sofa where she starts to pull his shirt off, frantically undressing him in a frenzy of passion as she gently bites down on his shoulder. Nothing she will do will hurt him; she can never hurt him.

They have been together for 3 months, and Gordon has never been happier than he is right now. Lying on the sofa together, Atlanta wrapped up in his arms her head resting on her shoulder. “How long until you leave?” She asks him. 

“Next Monday. I won’t be under water for the whole 12 months, it’s a rota of 6 weeks under the sea then 2 weeks shore leave, and we have internet down there now so we can video chat all the time and email.” Gordon tells her trying to reassure her that this separation won’t be as bad as it first sounds. 

“I love you” Atlanta tells him quietly, vowing silently to herself to let him go, he needs this. 

“I love you more” he replies smiling. He hasn’t told her the best bit, he is going to be leading the project, and it comes with a decent pay rise! 

*TB*

The day Gordon leaves for the bathyscape is a bittersweet day, happy to be following his ultimate dream, but he can’t deny that allure of staying above sea level with not only the love of his life but also a man who is quickly becoming a real dad to him. 

Commander Shore highly approves of the match and would love Gordon Tracy as a son in law one day.


	8. Alans story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff is determined to crush Alans spirit, and maybe a ski trip to Aspen will help...

“Allie?” Lucy calls quietly, opening the door to his hospital room. Finding him sitting up leafing through a magazine, looking bored out of his brain. 

It has been a week since he regained consciousness and the copious amounts of soothing cream being rubbed into his arms helps ease the pain and if they would just give him crutches he would be more than happy to walk out of here.

“His name is Alan” a voice from behind her growls.

“Oh great. Dads here” Alan thinks. “Hi mom, hi dad” is how he actually greets them. Trying to sound happy to see them both.

“Oh good you are awake, get up we are going home” Jeff tells him, not bothering with a greeting, “and you are going back to school tomorrow. The doctor said you should stay home and rest for a few days, but you are not going to get away with lying about the house idly” 

“How am I going to get there? I can’t drive with a broken leg?” Alan asks. He would rather be at school than home all day.

“You can either get a bus or walk, I am not available to give you a lift and you are not to bother your mother. If I find out you are trying to guilt her into a ride, I will give you a whipping” Jeff warns.

“Bus it is!” Alan tells him trying to keep the mood light, knowing he can get his mates to give him rides until he is back on his feet. 

Climbing up out of the bed, Alan follows his parents out of the room, hobbling on his crutches and into the back of his father’s car. The journey exhausts him and he is asleep when his father pulls into the driveway.

“Get up to your room Alan, you are grounded until you graduate from college and if you think that just because your brother ran away to god knows where doesn’t mean you can” Jeff tells him, hauling him from the car and roughly pushing him into the house.

Alan vows to obey his father, he has lost Gordon and he will do anything to keep hold of Scott, Virgil, and John. Besides, he knows from his own experiences that his father was serious with his threats.

*TB*

The youngest of 5 boys Alan learned from an early age to fight for attention. His brothers made it their own personal missions to look out for him, even Gordon who is only 13 months older than he is and was born with a serious heart condition which required surgery. Gordon loved to entertain Alan, no matter how often it got them both into trouble. 

There was the time they set the sprinklers in the yard to go off during a family party, the time they put superglue on the hat his dad wore to work – which he had to get shaved off, both of those got them a spanking with the brush. They never learnt, and Jeff never figured out that they were crying out for attention and if the only attention they got was while they were getting spanked then they would take it.

No one knows that Gordon didn’t fall out of the tree house. They had been arguing, Alan wanted to go to a party during the afternoon which he hadn’t been invited too as it was for a boy in Gordons grade. 

He never meant to, but Gordon called him a stupid baby and said he only ever played with him when there was no one else around. He lashed out in anger, just like his father always did. He never expected Gordon to slip and fall, the gut wrenching scream of his big brother as he hit the ground, his painful cries, the panic from his parents, the siren from the ambulance even now make appearances in his nightmares. 

They never discussed it, an unspoken agreement between the 2 boys was never to mention it out loud for fears of what Jeff would do to Alan if he found out, but the incident bought them even closer together. Sure they still fought but they always ensured it never went that far again.

For the first 5 years of Alans life he never knew there was another reason for owning a brush other than for spanking. His brothers only ever ran a comb through their hair before calling themselves presentable and Gordon didn’t even bother with that! 

Alan has never felt any love either from his father or for his father, he has only ever felt fear. His father was the ultimate in control freaks, but he rarely lost control. This man always knew what he was doing when he was giving him or his brothers a whipping. He was cold and calculated. 

Alan will never forget how he felt when he did lose control. He was in his room doing his homework when he was called by his mom to come down for dinner. Halfway through a difficult long division question he stayed to finish it, and his mom sent Virgil to get him and Gordon who had also ignored the call. 

He heard Virgil calling for help, even though he was only 9 years old he recognised terror when he heard it. Running out into the hallway he was flung out of the way by Scott who ran into the bathroom, and the cries of “he isn’t breathing” before his brother was taken away by an ambulance for the second time. 

Alan isn’t stupid, he knows the only reason he went to summer camp was because his father felt bad about what he did to Gordon. Alan loved summer camp. 8 weeks away from his parents, swimming, horse riding, playing tennis, kayaking and there was even a miniature golf course. It was easily the best summer of his life.

From the moment he knew what racing was, Alan was obsessed and would insist on getting up at all hours of the day and night to watch. Didn’t matter if it had 2 wheels or 4 or even 18 if it had an engine and it was raced around a track Alan would spend hours watching. His dad knew this, and would ban him from watching whenever he was being punished, just like Gordon was banned from the pool, or John was banned from the library, or Scott was banned from football practise, or Virgil was banned from art class.

All Alan ever wanted to be was a racing driver, and Gordon would sneak him to the races to compete, lying and claiming that they were staying over at friends houses so he could go karting. Alan kept his trophies stored in a box hidden in the attic far away from his father’s prying eyes.

Racing was his first passion, astronomy and space travel was his second. And the only class he ever got straight A’s in, choosing what his father referred to as “the Gordon route” and not study, preferring to get into trouble, crying out for attention and this was the only way he knew how to get it. 

Alan would never admit that this was the reason for the chemistry lab explosion, and he insists that it was an accident. He would never blow a building up on purpose! Alan was paddled by the principal who also sent the bill to his father for the rebuild. Getting home with the note detailing the crime Alan was shaking when he gave it to his mom, who just looked at him with deeply disappointed eyes and banished him to his room where he was whipped and then grounded for a month and he vowed to never get into trouble again.

His resolve didn’t last long, he had only been grounded for 2 weeks, and the marks on his back had already disappeared as did the immediate memory of the pain, when Gordon snuck him out to a party, and they both got caught sneaking back into the house at 3am drunk. They are grateful that their father was on a business trip and they were only caught by John who had snuck up onto the roof for some star gazing and saw them trying to climb up through Alans bedroom window. John kept their secret, promising them that their parents will never find out. 

What Jeff Tracy didn’t know about his children would fill several novels. 

When his father wasn’t around the house was a completely different place. Virgil would play the piano, they would be noise and laughter, all the things banned when their father was home. Their mom would even join Virgil on the piano, playing duets together while they all sat and listened.

Their mom never reported any of the wrongdoing they got up to when he wasn’t home, and Alan would go to bed at night wishing that his father would never come home. But it never mattered how hard he prayed; his father always returned. 

the night before Scott, Virgil and John left for college Alan would feel envious that they were getting out from their father’s rules and he wasn’t. Until the day Gordon left. He tried to talk to his parents to let him stay, but they won’t as far as his father is concerned Gordon is no longer a Tracy, so he snuck into his room to say his final goodbye.

*TB*

Alan waits until his father has gone back to the office, having taken the morning off to stay home and yell at him and lay down the law the minute he got home from the hospital, before he struggles down the stairs and into the kitchen where his mom is making lunch. “Mom? Where is Gordy? I have tried calling him, but his number doesn’t work anymore” 

“What are you doing out of your room, you are grounded remember” She replies, evading the question.

“Mom please, where is Gordy?” Alan repeats.

“I don’t know Allie, but I am asking you to please just do as you are told. Your father is angry and if he turns up now, I can’t do anything to help you.” She begs him.

“YOU NEVER CAN” Alan shouts back before stomping away and back upstairs. 

Alan vows that he too is done with this family. Vowing to pull out of his college applications he is going to leave home right now, drop out of school and go and find Gordon.

He is still packing when his mom brings his lunch up for him, placing the sandwich on the side next to his bed, she grabs her youngest son up and into her arms, holding him while he sobs. Life in this house without Gordon will be unbearable.

“Allie, sweetheart I know that this isn’t easy, but I am working on a plan to get us out of here I promise. Just stick it out a little longer, your father loves you and he only wants what is best for you” Lucy is begging him, trying not to lose her youngest son the way she has lost Gordon. 

Alan agrees, one final chance. And over the next few months an uneasy truce forms between the two. None of Alan’s brothers have Jeffs permission to attend his high school graduation in June, as it Is too close to Johns launch date up to the space station, Scott was refused leave after his father put a call into his commanding officer offering him thousands of dollars to deny Scott the time off needed to attend, and Virgil was busy sitting his final exams before his own graduation. 

Jeff insists he spends the summer working for him in the office, and Alan finds out on the first day that means scrubbing toilets and mopping floors and if that’s done he is allowed a 15 minute break before being made to sort out filing cabinets. Alan hates it and would love to tell his father where to shove his job. But he is being paid for the work and saving every cent into his escape fund, which is kept in the attic with his trophies.

Jeff pulls him out of college, claiming that he is still grounded and will only be allowed to attend online classes until Jeff is sure that he can trust him. Alan has not been allowed a date, was banned from all field trips and the prom, Jeff uses the excuse with the university he was accepted into that he is still recovering from the accident, even though he has been fully recovered for months, he is still his fathers prisoner. 

He has thousands of dollars saved, some earned from working for Jeff and some from prize money from racing, but mostly it is stolen from the safe as he too knows the number, only he hasn’t had to empty it all in one go, so Jeff has never gotten suspicious, as he has more money in the house at anyone time than anyone could be able to count.

He has long since given up asking about going to college, or even being allowed to go for a walk alone. After losing his control on Gordon, Jeff refuses to let go of the one child he is still able to beat into submission. 

The autumn months pass through into winter and the weather turns cold sharply. Thanksgiving is a dull affair. A formal dinner with a turkey and his mom and dad both sit in silence throughout the meal, and Alan knows better than to speak spontaneously at the dinner table. Just another one of Jeff Tracy’s rules.

Alan can only speak when spoken too.

Towards the end of the meal, a dessert of pumpkin pie being served to the grownups while Alan sits quietly watching as he is not allowed sweets, Jeff clears his throat and addressed his wife and youngest son directly for the first time all day.

“I have a business trip in Colorado next week, I am planning to combine it with the family holiday. Alan you will go upstairs directly after this conversation and pack. You don’t need to pack your skis as you will be spending the vacation in your room while your mother and I relax and enjoy ourselves. We will be there for a week, take some books with you for something to do, as you can keep up with your college work. A holiday is not an excuse to fall behind and if I find out you are not studying…” Jeff trails off. But he doesn’t need to carry on speaking, Alan knows exactly what will be in store for him if he disobeys. 

“Yes father” is all Alan replies, his eyes downcast and a sure sign of the spirit which Jeff has successfully shattered.

“Good boy now go on upstairs and start packing. We leave on Sunday night” 

Alan loves skiing, and the family home Jeff owns in Aspen has always been one of his favourite places in the world, and even if he isn’t allowed out of his room there a change of scenery will be really good for him. The cold, snowy, crisp mountain air is exactly what he needs right now.

Smiling as he packs his suitcase, bringing a snow suit just in case his father feels extra generous and allows him some slope time, knowing he can always hire skis when he gets there, Alan drags the bags down to the Heli jet his father always uses for long trips. 

“I am ready father” He tells him, tapping on his office door, and waiting for his father’s permission for him to speak, only doing so after Jeff nods his approval.

“Good, but we are not leaving for 3 days” Jeff reminds him.

“I know, I just wanted to be prepared. Good night and thank you for a lovely evening” Alan tells him, keeping the conversation between the 2 short and to the point.

It is a lie and they both know it; this evening was far from lovely.

*TB*

The resort is already bustling with people when they arrive, and Jeff ushers Alan straight into the house, opening up his hand luggage to reveal the family belt and hanging it up where he will be able to see it, as a reminder for him to stick to Jeffs rules and do exactly as he is told, before Jeff leaves for his big meeting with some potential new investors. 

Getting comfortable in the room he always shared with Gordon when they were here, Alan starts to unpack his suitcase before collapsing onto the bed with a book. He has no idea why his father has organised a meeting on a Sunday but if it buys him a few hours of peace and quiet then he will take whatever he can get.


	9. Red Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy is alone in the house when disaster strikes.

Alan is bored, and just about ready to tell his father where to stick his punishment and walk out, just like Gordon did. He misses his big brother more and more every single day. Looking out of his bedroom window, he can see the snow-covered mountain, and his feet are itching to get out there. There are hundreds of people, of all ages enjoying the snow. Children just learning to walk laughing as they slide on the icy lake, wrapped up in the comfort of snow suits and the knowledge that loving parents are there to protect them. 

Jealousy burns deeply in the pit of his stomach, as he forces himself away from the window, and back to the book he was reading. Alan hates his life.

*TB*

The meeting Jeff is in drags on for hours, and even Jeff is losing his patience with the people in the room, who insist on arguing every small point of the contract he is proposing, one that will bring in millions of dollars for his company while swallowing and bankrupting a dozen smaller companies so he will be able to control and liquidate their assets. He has no qualms about bankrupting innocent families, or the rumours that his business practices have driven good men to suicide after losing everything. 

How many of the boys are here Jeff?” his secretary and note taker, Mrs Webber, asks during a lull in proceedings. 

The woman is in her early sixties and has worked for Jeff for years, always seeing the charm he easily turns on to the public and has met all five boys numerous times over the years and has always been impressed with their politeness. They are well mannered young men.

“Just Alan, but he is staying at the house as he is still recovering” Jeff replies. Sounding like the kind and caring father he has the world believing he is.

“Oh, but surely a nice walk through the town would make him feel better? He can’t possibly stay indoors all week in such a lovely spot” Mrs Webber replies. “Tell you what, I will treat him to a run down the ski trails and a hot chocolate, it will be just like old times” reminiscing about giving the boys their first ever ski lessons over the years.

Jeff knows that he has no choice, if he keeps Alan locked up all week then she is going to get suspicious. Vowing to keep him under control, Jeff mentally gives Alan an hour of freedom tomorrow morning. “Of course, that sounds like a wonderful idea” Jeff replies, smiling. 

“Excellent, tell Alan to meet me outside tomorrow morning at ten thirty” Mrs Webber replies. 

“Will do Mary” Jeff replies. Inside he is seething, but he knows that he has no choice in the matter.

The meeting is postponed for the evening shortly after, and Jeff makes his way back to the house, mumbling about the injustice of having to release Alan under his breath during the short walk. It is already dark, and there are stars for miles splattering the night sky above him, but he doesn’t care. It has been an awfully long time since he has ever looked up.

Opening up the door, a smell of a roast chicken makes his mouth water in anticipation, this is why he has kept Lucy around all these years he thinks, yes, she has her faults, but she can cook. The table is already set, and the chicken is sitting in the middle just waiting to be carved.

“Welcome home Jeff, I hope the meeting went well” Lucy tells him. Her voice formal and stiff, as it has been since Gordon left nearly eleven months ago. 

“Well enough. Where is the boy?” Jeff asks. 

“Upstairs in his room, he knows better than to come out without your permission” Lucy reminds him.

“Good, go and fetch him” Jeff demands, taking his coat off and walking into the office.

Lucy knows better than to argue. Knocking on Alans door, and politely waiting for Alan to reply “Come in mom” before entering.

“How did you know it was me and not your father?” she asks. 

“Simple, you knocked. Father never does that. He just barges in and starts making demands” Alan replies.

“He wants to see you in his office, get down there quickly and once your done come for dinner. And remember don’t get him angry” Lucy tells him.

“Fine. But we both know I don’t have to do a single thing to make Jefferson Tracy angry” Alan reminds her. 

Lucy flinches at his words. “Never let him hear you call him Jefferson. He is still your father Alan” 

Alan doesn’t answer as he drags himself off the bed and down to the office and knocks on the door, his heart pounding despite the brave face he showed his mom.

“Enter” Jeff calls from the other side. “Ah yes Alan, tomorrow you are going out for an hour. Be ready for half ten, Mrs Webber has taken pity on you and has asked that you spend some time with her. God knows why she wants to spend time with a little runt like you, but there you go. You will go and you will be on your absolute best behaviour, I hear anything negative and it’s a belting. You will be back here by midday or it’s a belting.” 

Alan stopped listening after the words Mrs Webber. The only other adult apart from his mom that Alan has ever loved. This woman has put up with his father for years and was an integral part of his childhood. Even ninety minutes in her presence is enough time to him to escape the oppression in the house. 

“Of course father, I will not let you down” Alan assures him.

“Don’t” Jeff tells him, the threat in his voice is obvious and dire.

*TB*

Alan bounces out of bed at seven the following morning. Happier than he has been in a long time, finally he is free for nearly two hours. Turning the water for a shower up to an almost scalding temperature, as he likes it as hot as possible, Alan happily washes his hair and for the first time in months even adds conditioner and uses the shower gel to scrub his skin until it is clean and fresh. 

Slipping his robe back on he is whistling as he walks back to his room to get dressed. Styling his hair while it is still damp and finishing with a quick blow dry and pulling on a clean pair of jeans, a t-shirt and hoodie. And he is ready. 

Jeff lets him out of his room for breakfast, and even offers him a small compliment on his attire. Determined more than ever to have a good day, Alan accepts the words with a smile and is waiting outside for his “date” by a quarter past ten.

“Alan” Mrs Webber greets him happily, as he holds his arm out for her to take. “Always the gentleman” she tells him proudly, as they walk slowly away from the house and into the centre of the town. 

They stop for coffee, and even though Alan has eaten he joins her in a croissant. 

“Your dad tells me that you are taking college classes online while you recover. How is it going?” She asks, while adding copious amounts of sugar to her coffee.

“Great” Alan tells her enthusiastically, “I am hoping that father agrees to let me join the space programme like John did. I would love to go up to the space station” he knows it is a pipe dream, his father is never going to let him go.

They sit there for nearly an hour before Alan realises that he has to get back. This has been the best morning he has had in a long time and he never wants it to end.

The two take a slow relaxed walk back, until they get to the house.

The house is no longer there.

*TB*

*FLASHBACK*

Lucy watches Alan walk away, smiling to herself that her youngest baby has not allowed his father to destroy his spirit. 

Jeff is sitting with the newspaper at the kitchen table, a cigar dangling between his lips. Lucy hates him smoking in the kitchen where food is prepared but she knows well enough not to mention it. 

“Thank you for letting Alan out for a bit, he has been so good recently and he has earned this chance” Lucy tells him sincerely. If it was up to her he would be in college as planned.

“I had no choice in the matter” Jeff spits back, full of resentment at Alans temporary reprieve. 

“You have to let him go Jeff, you can not seriously keep him locked up forever, he has learned his lesson.” She insists. 

“Alan is my child Lucy and I will make the decisions about his future and he is not ready to leave for college. If you hadn’t spoiled those children rotten he may know how to be a well behaved, disciplined man by now but the damage you inflicted on them still needs to be undone” Jeff insists.

Realising that Jeff is never going to let Alan go, Lucy loses her temper, and for the first time in years finds herself arguing with her husband and sticking up for her children.  
“Damage I have inflicted?! Are you actually fucking serious Jeff?! You nearly killed Gordon. He was a ten-year-old child, and you left him fighting for his life. I have sat back and let you destroy their spirits and I am done, no more Jeff. I am taking Alan and we are getting out of here. I will not let you be responsible for driving away another one of my children Jeff” 

“Oh, so now we are back to Gordon” Jeff spits his name in disgust. Ten months and he hasn’t even tried to look for his son and banned the four boys and their mom from mentioning his name under his roof. 

“He is eighteen Jeff; he was too young to just go out into the world.” Lucy insists, she too has no idea what has happened to her boy, she doesn’t even know if he is still alive and it haunts her every minute, she is awake. 

“Well he should have thought about that before he nearly killed Alan, or is It only me who you think is responsible for that too? He stole your jewels remember Lucy. The boy is a liar and a thief and if it didn’t ruin my reputation, I would have had him arrested and thrown into jail” Jeffs voice is thick with hatred and disgust. 

“You think for one minute I care about that? I want my boy back Jeff and I am taking Alan and I am getting a divorce. We are so done” Lucy insists. 

“No. You just listen to me Lucile, I will not allow a divorce scandal to disrupt my business deals, I am in the middle of a hostile takeover…” 

“Any takeover with you involved is bound to be hostile, you don’t know any other way” Lucy interrupts.

Jeff carries on as if she hadn’t spoken “and I need the backing of my investors. This deal will make the family a million dollars and firm up the strangle hold I have in the construction industry in this country and if you leave me I will ensure that you never see a penny and that Alans education is over, as I will not pay for college and without a good education he will be relegated to washing dishes for a living which is all he is ever going to be good enough for anyway.” 

“We will find a way to make it work Jeff, I have never needed your money to be happy” Lucy insists. 

“Okay so you don’t get it. I know you are stupid Lucile, but I had no idea you were this stupid, so I am going to spell it out for you. You try to leave me, and I will kill you” 

With that Jeff storms out of the house, seething in anger. Bloody Gordon has caused him thousands of problems, and he is done. Everything is his fault. He should have put him up for adoption when he was born then he wouldn’t have this problem hanging over his head like a dark cloud always threatening a storm.

*END FLASHBACK*

Alan panics when he comes across what was his house. It is now buried under a pile of snow. He has no idea if his parents are in there or not. Pulling his phone out, he tries his mom first, crossing everything for good news, his fingers, toes and even his eyes are crossed. But there is no answer, his stomach falling through his butt he dials his father.

“Alan, I hope you are calling to tell me you are in your room” is his fathers’ way of a greeting. 

“Dad? Where are you?” Alan asks, unable to hide the desperation in his voice. 

“In the office answer my question” Jeff replies.

“Dad, the house. Its buried in an avalanche and I can’t get hold of mom, is she with you?” Alan tells him, hoping that he realises that he is not in his room.

“No she isn’t. she must be in the house Alan” Jeffs voice sounds indifferent. 

“I am calling the emergency services, please come and help” Alan begs his father. 

“Do it, I have a meeting to get too. there is nothing I can do to help so there is no point me being there” Jeff replies, hanging up on him before Alan has a chance to say another word.

Alan works tirelessly for hours with the help of the emergency services, and a lot of local people who have come to help. The windows have been smashed by the fiercely moving snow, and there is no sign of his mom. 

Alan climbs in through one of the windows, slicing his leg on broken glass, swearing loudly as the blood starts to seep into his torn jeans but he keeps going. The same word being called over and over again to no response; “MOM?” 

Exploring the house, Alan can’t believe the snow he has always loved so much can do so much damage. Going down the stairs, he can hear a noise from the kitchen. Calling out again this time there is a reply. It is quiet and filled with pain, but it is there.

“Mom, I am coming mom. Stay with me” Alan calls, carefully negotiating the fallen debris to get to her.

Alans heart stops at the sight that greets him. 

“Mom?” he whispers.

The scene is one of utter devastation and he knows it will haunt his nightmares for years. The table has been shattered into firewood, cups and plates have falling to the floor and cracked. And the fridge is lying on his side and worse, his mom is trapped underneath. 

“Allie” She whispers back, grateful that she is no longer alone. That her baby has come to save her. 

Alan throws himself onto the floor next to her, cradling her torso in his arms, his head lowered down so his forehead is making contact with hers. 

“It’s going to be okay mom; we are going to get you out of here” Alan tells her reassuringly.

“It’s too late Allie, I am not going to make it. Its so cold” She trembles. 

“Don’t talk like that, we were going to escape from dad remember?” Alan insists.

“This is the only escape Allie” Lucy insists. There is no sadness in her words, just acceptance now.

“Mom, please, stay with me” Alan begs, tears streaming down his face, she can’t give up now, not after everything they have been through together. He needs her, his shinning light in a world so dark he can’t navigate it without her. Memories of his childhood flash before him, all the happy memories, the ones without his father. The day trips to the lake to go swimming, the cookie baking sessions, weeks where his father would be on a trip where they would stay up late at the weekends eating popcorn and watching movies. This can’t be the end, it just can’t.

Lucy sighs, and releases a deep breath before speaking again, her voice hoarse. “Allie, please look for Gordy for me, and let him know that I loved him and I was never angry”

“You can tell him yourself when we get out of here” Alan insists. 

“Promise me Allie” Lucy reiterates, her voice now desperate.

“Okay mom, I promise” Alan tells her.

“Thank you, Allie, I love you son” Lucy tells him, before one final rattling breath escapes her lips, and her body becomes still and limp in his arms. 

One last whisper of “Mom” and Alan is gone, crying hysterically and refusing to let go of her body, even when the paramedics arrive and insist on taking her away. 

“You can come with us son” a nameless, faceless paramedic tells him, and he has no idea if they are even male or female. His ears aren’t cooperating. 

“No, I am grounded, I have to be in my room when my father gets home, or he will whip me” Alan insists. 

“No one is going to hurt you, come on Allie, you are in shock, come with us. Please” he is told. 

Alan allows himself to be moved from the house and into the ambulance. He doesn’t speak, leaning his head against the window, he tries to cry again, but finds himself unable to. There is a numbness settling over him, and he suddenly feels nothing. He doesn’t know how to feel, he was too young to remember his grandparents who died a long time ago. 

Jeff is waiting for him when he gets to the hospital, and one look at his father and he knows that he knows. The look on his face is identical to Alans, disbelief that this could happen. That his mom who was so healthy and whole just hours before can be gone. 

It is clear that neither father nor son have any idea what to say to each other, before Jeff finally breaks the silence. “Tell your brothers, I am going to find out what needs to be done” that’s it, no words of comfort, just an order before leaving him alone with his grief.

And Alan realises that he shouldn’t have expected anything different.


	10. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan has been given the task of telling his brothers, but has no way of contacting Gordon. Will they be able to tell him before he finds out from a media outlet?

Alan just stands there numbly unable to move, unable to function. He hasn’t moved when his father comes back less than five minutes later. 

“Have you called your brothers?” Jeff asks.

“N-n-no” Alan stutters. “I can’t dad, I just can’t tell them this” 

“Well you have too, we are going home in an hour so get ready to leave for the airport, I have a funeral to organise, and I asked you to do one simple task” Jeff is sounding as if he sees his wife’s death an nothing more than an inconvenience. 

Alan flees from him, running out of the main door, he keeps on running. His feet pounding the icy pavements until he can’t go any further. Looking around he realises he is near the park he used to play in with his mom and brothers during the days when they were still pretending that they were a family. 

He sinks down onto a snow-covered wooden bench just inside the confines of the park and takes his phone from his pocket. Bracing himself for the hardest phone calls he has ever had to make. 

“Alan! It’s good to hear from you buddy” Scott replies, answering his call straight away smiling that his youngest brother has chosen to contact him. Usually his father does not allow him to make calls, scrutinising his phone bill every month.

“Sc-sc-Scott” Is all Alan manages before he bursts into tears.

Scott’s built in smothering instinct kicks in. “Alan? What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Where are mom and dad? Allie where are you?” 

Alan does not know how to answer all of the questions, and just cries harder. 

“Alan, you are scaring me. Please just tell me what’s wrong” Scott persists.

“Moms dead!” Alan blurts out. 

There is a deafening silence on the other end of the line. 

“Alan, no. You must be mistaken, let me talk to her and I will get this all cleaned up for you” Scott tells him.

“No Scott, I was there. She is dead Scott. D-E-A-D DEAD!” Alan insists, screaming the last word hysterically. 

“Where are you Allie, I am coming to get you” Scott tells him. Still in denial, this practical joke is not funny. 

“Aspen, dads so called family holiday.” Alan replies. “But dad said we are going home soon so he can organise the funeral. Scott please come home; I need you” 

“On my way Allie, I just need to organise emergency leave” Scott replies. “Hold on buddy, I will be there before you know it” 

The line goes dead, as Alan hangs up the phone and immediately calls Virgil.

Virgil has graduated from college, top of his class. All the studying, with his basic intelligence put him so far ahead of his peers that he graduated with honours, and job offers from top engineering firms all over the world. He has spent his whole life being told by his father that he is not good enough, only now he is finding out that that was never true. 

He is two months into his first real job, and he finds that he loves the work. Helping to design a bridge over the Mississippi river, he has taken great care to ensure that its construction is environmentally friendly, and has insisted on a pathway along the side which can be walked over with an observation deck that looks out over the whole river, which he knows that Gordon would love. 

As per Gordons instructions he hasn’t contacted him, and that hole in his heart where his brother lives feels like it is growing bigger every day.

Virgil is surprised when Alans name pops up on the caller ID, but pleasantly surprised. His youngest brother is having a hard time under his father’s thumb night and day. 

“Allie, hi” 

The shock is starting to wear off now, and Alan finds it easier to get the words out the second time around.

“Virgil, there has been an accident, mom’s dead” Alan tells him, ripping the Band-Aid off the wound as quickly as he can.

Virgil is struck dumb with the shock and has no idea how to respond and the silence fills the air between them.

“What Happened?” Virgil asks eventually, he has to know.

“There was an avalanche” Alan tells him, unable to continue he finds more tears coming and is unable to stop them.

“Where do you need me?” Virgil asks, his voice now barely audible. 

“Come home Virgy” Alan tells him, before hanging up on his brother and taking deep soothing breaths before making the final call.

He isn’t surprised when it goes to voicemail. John has never liked answering his phone. Alan leaves him a voice mail and a text urging him to call back as soon as he possibly can before he takes the walk back to the hospital, wishing he had some idea what had happened to Gordon. Knowing he has no way of letting him know.

He isn’t even halfway back before his phone starts to vibrate in his hand, he is glad to see it is John on the caller ID, he didn’t know what he would say if it was anyone else.

“John, hi” Alan greets him.

John has never been one for small talk and leaps straight to the point. “What’s up kiddo?” He asks reverting to the name he bestowed on both his younger brothers the minute they were born.

“John, you need to come home. There has been a terrible accident” Alan tells him. And for the second time he can feel the shift in demeanour from his brother. “Moms dead” Alan continues not wanting to prolong Johns agony. 

“No Alan, she can’t be” once again he is met with denial. 

“I am sorry John but it’s true, please come home” Alan begs, his eyes swimming with even more tears. 

Like Scott and Virgil before him, John confirms that he will be there as soon as he can before hanging up the phone. 

Walking through the main entrance to the hospital Alan spots his father talking to one of the doctors. A sudden shyness washes over him as he approaches the pair. 

“Alan, have you done what I asked?” Jeff asks promptly. 

“Yes father, I have spoken to Scott, Virgil and John and they are going to join us in Kansas” Alan replies, he doesn’t mention Gordon, as he knows his dad will react badly to just hearing his name.

“Good” Jeff nods, “We will get going shortly.” 

The doctor can’t believe how emotionless Jeff is being, but he knows that grief and shock affect everyone differently and he is reluctant to judge the man standing before him who has just lost his wife.

*TB*

Virgil knows that he has to tell Gordon, he knows where he is and how to contact him, he needs to know, but he knows that his father would never approve. Torn between his brother and keeping the peace Virgil avoids making a decision to pack for the trip. 

As he is working on site, his supervisor, a gruff and grey grizzled man in his late fifties named Dean, doesn’t have the luxury of an office and is working from the motorhome installed in a makeshift campsite. Virgil knocks on his door, knowing that at this time in the afternoon he will have retired to complete some paperwork. “Come in, ah Virgil. I was going to call for you in a bit I want to go over the designs for the observation deck with you.” Looking up, he finally gets a look at Virgils face, which is a sea of desolation. Something is very wrong with his star employee. “Virgil?” 

“I have to go home; my mom’s been killed in an accident” Virgil tells him. This is the first time he has had to utter the words aloud since hearing them for the fist time, and they get stuck in his throat.

“Oh Virgil, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?” he asks, genuinely devastated for this young man. Having worked with him for the last two months, he knows that he is dependable, and a perfectionist often finding him still awake at midnight going over design plans, and he finds himself consulting with him more and more, putting his trust in him as he knows that he will do whatever it takes to ensure the project is completed. 

Virgil is fighting back tears, prompting him to get up from his desk, and wrap his arms around him and hold him tightly while he cries. There are a million tales hiding in this young man, he knows that he hasn’t had an easy time even though he is wound up tighter than a clam about his past and his family. 

Finally Virgil feels ready to pull away, wiping away the tears with the tissue he has taken from the box on offer. “Thanks, I have everything I need, my father messaged me to tell me that there is a plane waiting for me at the airport, and I will be back as soon as possible.” Virgil replies. Not wanting to let him down. 

“Take all the time you need Virgil, come back when you are ready”. 

Virgil can only nod, he no longer has the ability to perform sentences. 

Virgil’s motorhome is strangely bare. Minimal furniture. The small living space has his single bed jammed against the wall, and a small coffee table. The bed doubles as a sofa for him. The only other thing in the room is a small television, which is rarely watched. The fridge is bare as Virgil rarely eats a proper meal, but he has his scales in the bathroom, and they are the only thing he packs that aren’t clothes. A small bag and five minutes later and he is ready. 

The car he has booked is ready and waiting for him, throwing his bag into the back and climbing in after it, watching the site getting smaller and smaller as they drive away. It is a short drive to the airport, and he wonders if Dean has said something to the driver, as he keeps looking back at him and giving him sympathetic glances, not trying to make small talk. They ride in silence and Virgil mutters a thank you after handing over nearly double the fare before climbing out into the late afternoon sun. it is always warm here and he is going to miss it.

*TB*

Scott knows he should ask for permission before walking out but is tempted to just leave. His heart is hurting, short sharp stabbing pains that appear to be taking over his whole body. Scott has not had a drink since his car accident, but right now if someone were to hand him one, he would happily take it. And he wouldn’t be able to stop. 

Deciding to not risk a court martial, knowing his father would rather see him sent to jail than speak in his defence, Scott goes to see his commanding officer. 

“Tracy? What are you doing in my office? I don’t remember summoning you” his CO asks. 

“I need to request emergency leave to return home, Sir” Scott replies. He is desperately trying not to cry, determined not to show any weakness in public. 

Dropping all airs of formality, he asks, “What’s happened Scott?” 

“My mom has been killed Sir, I need to go home and be with my family” Scott tells him, his voice breaking badly with the words.

“I understand, you have leave remaining and I will get all the paperwork sorted so you don’t have to worry about anything our end, go and be with your family Scott” He tells him. 

Scott doesn’t cry, but he is grateful for the offer. “Thank you, Sir, I will go and pack now” 

“Just give me a call the day before you come back, and I will organise everything for your return” 

Scott doesn’t want to leave, but he needs to be there for his brothers. His packing doesn’t take long, just throwing in the bare essentials, not planning on being away any longer than he has too. This is his life now. 

Once again, Jeff has a small private plane waiting for him at the airport, for once Scott is grateful for his father’s organisational skills. Sitting down on the planes only passengers’ seat, Scott finally allows himself to cry.

*TB*

John is a mess; his mom was the one who saved him and now she has gone. He is the brother closest to Kansas, but even he is several hours away. For several minutes after hanging up with Alan, John just lies on the bed and cries. 

Not wanting to move, but knowing he has no choice, John drags himself off the bed and starts to pack. His breathing is rapid, and he can feel his palms growing sweaty. Abandoning his packing, he throws himself on the floor, he is crying and unable to stop the anxiety attack from engulfing him stopping him from functioning for several minutes, before his heart starts to calm down and he feels able to get up. 

He knows facing his father is never easy, but he is determined to be there for his brothers. He like his brother’s packs lightly, only planning on staying as long as absolutely necessary. Before having to request leave from his boss. 

Choosing a call rather than face to face, selecting sound only on his video phone in the apartment. 

“Hi John, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you at this time, is everything okay?” 

“No, I have to go home for a few days, my mom has been killed in an accident” John replies.

“Oh John, I am so sorry. Please let me know if there is anything I can do”. 

“I will, thank you” John replies before ending the call. Knowing that it is time for the trip to the airport and to face his father for the first time in nearly a year, and for the first time without his mom to shield them from the worst of their fathers wrath.

*TB*

Within six hours of hearing the news, they are all gathered in Scott’s room, together for the first time since Christmas. Gordon is conspicuous by his absence and they are all feeling it. 

“We have to find him” Alan announces. “Guys he has the right to know, she was his mom too, our family is famous enough for this to make the news, he can’t find out on the television that isn’t fair.” 

Virgil can feel his insides squirming, he knows that Alan is right. 

“I know where he is” Virgil tells them, flinching at the looks they give him. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Scott demands.

“To keep us all safe, if you all knew then the chances of anyone letting something slip to father increases. He asked me not to tell anyone, and I couldn’t let him down” Virgil insists. 

“I get it, I don’t like it Virgil, he is my brother and I have been worried sick about him, but I understand why you would keep it from me” Scott tells him. He knows that Virgil is right, the fewer people who know where Gordon is the safer he is.

“You need to call him, mom wanted to find him” Alan tells him. “She was going to leave dad, we were going to look for him.” 

This is news to the three brothers in the room, but secretly they are relieved that they had a plan to leave the monster that they call their father.

“Okay fine, I will call the emergency contact number he has given me” Virgil promises them, sighing exasperatedly when they don’t leave. “Guys, some space please”

“We aren’t leaving Virgil.” Scott replies, “This has gone on long enough and I know why you didn’t tell us, but Gordon is our brother and we have a right to know”.

Virgil is not an idiot, he knows when he is beaten, “Fine” he grumbles under his breath as he calls up Gordons emergency contact.

“Commander Shore here” The call is answered, almost instantly. 

“This is Virgil Tracy. I need to talk to Gordon” Virgil tells him.

“Can I ask what this is about?” Sam asks him. 

“Our mom has passed away; he needs to know” Virgil tells him.

“I am so sorry for your loss, I will get you patched through to Gordon straight away” Sam assures him, before placing him on hold. 

The hold only lasts a few minutes, before Gordons face appears on Virgil’s phone screen. He is wearing a diving suit, and his skin looks healthy and lightly tanned. And to the surprise of his brothers, he looks happy.

“Virgil! I never expected to hear from you, what’s happened?” Gordon asks. His voice his light-hearted and enthusiastic. And Virgil is about to destroy that.

“Gordy, mom has been killed” Virgil tells him disconsolately. 

“WHAT?!” Gordon replies shocked. 

“There was an avalanche Gords” Alan tells him. 

That is as far as they get before Jeff bursts into the room, having been standing outside Scott’s door, listening to their every word. 

“YOU!” he screams at Gordon. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU DID THIS. IT WAS YOU WE WERE ARGUING ABOUT. IF YOU WERENT SUCH A PATHETIC LITTLE SCREW UP THEN SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HERE FOR THE FUNERAL YOU ARE NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY AND YOU ARE NOT WELCOME” Jeff rants angrily. “HANG UP ON HIM NOW VIRGIL” 

“Bye guys” Gordon tells them sadly, ending the call.

Jeff turns his anger to Virgil. Seething with anger he continues to rant. “THAT ANIMAL HAS NO RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS FAMILY, YOU KNOW I FORBADE YOU ALL TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM, AND YOU WILL ALL SUFFER FOR THIS BLATANT DISREGARD OF MY DIRECTIVE. ALL OF YOU GO TO YOUR INDIVIDUAL ROOMS, THE FUNERAL IS TOMORROW MORNING THEN I WANT YOU ALL BACK TO WORK” 

Jeff turns and walks away. And one by one the boys get up and follow him out. 

*TB*

Gordon is half-way through one of his 6-week stints underwater. Excusing himself from the poker game they about to play, and instead heads straight into his tiny living quarters and throws himself down onto the bed and cries himself to sleep.

He is woken abruptly hours later, to his shock by Atlanta, who silently slips into the narrow bed next to him and cradles him in her arms and holds him while he cries. 

“How did you get here?” he asks. 

“Paul called up to the command centre and told me what happened, Stingray bought me down here for you. Father wants to know if you would like to come back with me.” She tells him gently.

“I can’t even say goodbye. Jefferson is so bitter that he can’t even bring himself to let me go to my own moms funeral” Gordon tells her, his heart cracking with the agony of his father’s words. 

Atlanta has no idea what to say to make the pain go away, the best friend she has ever made is hurting so deeply and she can do nothing but offer him words which seem to meaningless as they leave her lips. “We can, we will go and say goodbye after the funeral. We can have our own ceremony.” 

Gordon nods, that sounds nice. Just the two of them. “You never got to meet her” Gordon tells her sadly, not bothering to wipe away the tears from his face. He had hoped that one day there could have been a reconciliation, despite who happy he is here, he misses his brothers.

“Come up to the surface with me for a few days, you need room to grieve” Atlanta tells him. Having lost her mother when she was young, she is speaking from experience. “Father has cleared it for you” 

Gordon smiles, but it isn’t a true Gordon smile, this is the one from his first few weeks at Marineville when he was still getting used to not having his family, he has already lost them once and now It looks like he is going to suffer that loss all over again. “Can we go to the aquarium to see the sharks?” he asks.

“Anything you want, and if you want to imagine one of them ripping your fathers leg off, go right ahead” Atlanta replies, which gets her a proper smile. His impish grin that made her fall in love with him. 

Gordon promises his colleagues that he will be back in a few days before climbing aboard Stingray where Marina is waiting to take them both back up to the surface, where his real family are waiting for him with comforting words and hugs. 

*TB*

The church where the funeral is held is full with standing room only, packed with business associates of Jeffs, and one or two friends from the boy’s childhoods. The four boys immaculately dressed in their best suits and identical black ties enter the church carrying the coffin that they know their mom is resting in. 

Jeff would have been happier with a private ceremony and burial instead of this costly, garish affair. But appearances mean everything to this man, and he is determined to maintain his strong persona, disgusted with the displays of emotion from the boys as they take their places on the bench beside him, Alan clinging to Scott as he tries not to cry. Scott lets him cling, slipping one arm around his shoulders, grasping his hand with his fingers, and giving it a reassuring squeeze. His other hand is holding onto Johns who in turn is holding Virgil’s.

Jeff glares at them, but they ignore him for once. Knowing that he wouldn’t dare cause a scene in public.

They don’t know it, because he is so good at hiding it, but Scott is nursing a severe hangover, but he is determined to keep it together, not for his father’s reputation but for himself and his brothers. 

From now on, he is going to do everything for his brothers and not his father. 

Jeff organises a wake at the house after the burial, a ceremony that all four brothers sob through, John wishing he were the one in the box, the one who has escaped his father’s tyranny. And now they have to smile and greet complete strangers for hours. Side by side on the sofa they sit and accept the condolences and field awkward questions about Gordon, not even knowing what Jeff has told everyone. 

They make it through the worst day of their lives, the only way they know how; together. And tomorrow they are going back to their lives, away from Jeff. Scott, Virgil and John just wish that there was a way to take Alan with them, and not leaving him here alone with this monster.


	11. The Best Year of their Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott is done with Jeff, and is going to rescue his brother and reunite his family no matter what is costs.

“Alan pack” Scott demands of his youngest brother later in the evening when the house is finally empty of visitors. It has been the longest and easily worse day of each of their lives, and Scott is done. 

“Why? Dad will never let me leave.” Alan replies, confused.

“We are leaving in the morning, and there is no way we are leaving you here alone with him anymore.” Scott insists. “I have the money to support you, without having to ask him for help. This is your one chance to get away.” 

“Are you serious?” Alan asks, barely able to believe that there might be a way out of this house for him. That’s all he sees it as now, a building with a roof. It is no longer a home. Not without his mom. 

“I am serious.” Scott confirms, smiling at the first look of hope he has seen on Alans face in a long time. 

“What about college?” Alan asks. He knows that it doesn’t matter how much money Scott is earning he will never be able to afford to pay for Alan to attend college.

“Leave that with me, I know you have some money saved, there is no way you can live with this monster and not plan an escape. We will look at enrolling you for next September, and if you promise me that you will get a job in the mean time to help save you can live with one of us rent free” Scott tells him. 

“What kind of job? No one is going to want to hire me, straight out of high school with no work experience Scott” Alan tells him, that fleeting look of hope extinguished immediately. 

“Any job Allie, no you aren’t likely to get hired for the next space shuttle mission, but there are hundreds of jobs you can do, and just think of the independence and life skills it will teach you” Scott insists. 

“Why shouldn’t he go up on the next space shuttle? We are always looking for people at NASA, why don’t you come down to Houston with me? Even if they just let you sweep the floors and make coffee. You will learn a lot, and my apartment has a pull-out sofa you can sleep on” John asks. 

Alan smiles, that sounds like his idea of heaven, but he has one more brother in the room, and it wouldn’t be fair to accept Johns offer without hearing from Virgil. Turning to his second eldest brother with a grin.

Virgil’s grin matches his, he knows he has nothing to offer Alan in terms of a place to stay or a job offer. “Well I am living in a one room motorhome with a 21-inch television, bed that doubles as a sofa and the bathroom is just a sink and toilet. There is a five-minute walk to the shower block with you get to share with my twenty colleagues. As for job prospects the only thing open is alligator wrestler as the old one got his leg ripped off!” 

“I was not sold on your option until you said I could wrestle alligators, now I am torn between John and you!” Alan tells him actually breaking out into a small laugh.

“Go with John, you are not wrestling alligators” Scott tells him laughing. “Now, go and pack all of you we are getting out of here as soon as possible, I would rather spend the night at the airport than here.” 

*TB*  
Scott finds Jeff in his office, deep in paperwork, he doesn’t bother knocking. He is done with being afraid if his father, and now he is getting Alan away from him he has no reason to be afraid anymore.

“GET OUT AND KNOCK” Jeff roars when he is disturbed.

“No. I won’t be staying long Jeff. I am only here to let you know that we are leaving as soon as Alan has packed. He is not staying here with you to be belittled and bullied anymore. We are done Jeff, finished, kaput. No more.” Scott tells him.

Jeff stands up from behind his desk, spitting with rage. “AND YOU THINK YOU CAN DO A BETTER JOB OF LOOKING AFTER THAT SPOILT BRAT?” He screams, poking Scott in the chest. 

Only for the first time in his life; Scott does not back down. He only nods with his resolve strengthened by his fathers’ anger. “Between us we can do a much better job, without resorting to beating him if he says or does something we don’t agree with” 

Scott turns to leave; he is going to be free. Forever free. They are going to leave Jeff to rot in a proverbial hell of his own making and reunite with Gordon.

“YOU WALK OUT OF THIS HOUSE SCOTT AND I WILL CUT YOU ALL OFF! NO MORE MONEY, NO PRIVATE JETS, NO HOLIDAYS IN THE CARRIBEAN, AND IF YOU THINK THAT I WILL LET YOU WALTZ BACK IN HERE IN A FEW WEEKS TIME BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE THE REAL WORLD THEN FORGET IT” Jeff screams each word, before lunging at Scott, eyes wild with rage. 

Scott easily sidesteps him, causing him to stumble and fall. Scott laughs at him, tempted to leave him lying on the floor and walk away. Only Scott is Lucile Tracy’s son and not Jeffs, so he doesn’t. instead he holds a hand out for Jeff to grasp and helps him up. 

“Goodbye father” Scott tells him, as he walks out the door. And he doesn’t look back.

*TB*

The airport is empty when they arrive just after midnight, and they know it is going to be a long night before check-in opens, but this is cheaper than booking into a hotel and safer than staying home. Alan keeps nervously looking over his shoulder, expecting Jeff to jump out from behind a trash can and drag him back to the prison which was his former home. 

“Is too late to contact Gordon?” Scott asks, looking at his watch.

“Why don’t we try it?” Virgil replies with a grin, swiping his finger across the lock screen and dialling the number. A number that he has only ever had to dial once before but has memorised. 

“Lieutenant Fisher speaking” 

“Oh, I was looking for Commander Shore” Virgil replies confused. 

“He is out with his daughter and a family friend; it is not possible to connect your call as they have requested that they do not be disturbed.” Fisher replies. 

“This is Virgil Tracy. I need to speak to Gordon, it is urgent. Please either put me through or ask him to call me as soon as possible” Virgil requests, desperately trying not to roll his eyes.  
“Please hold, I will see if he will take your call” Fisher tells him, after checking the list of acceptable contacts for Gordon. Something Commander Shore has set up and no one is allowed to deviate from the list.

Virgil is put through to Gordon after a near ten-minute hold. Finding his brother at a restaurant with Commander Shore and Atlanta. 

“Virgil?! What’s happened now?” Gordon asks anxiously. His face is pale from the same lack of sleep his brothers are suffering from. And he never thought he would hear from his brothers again, but they are all crowded around Virgil’s phone grinning at him.

“We have all left Jeff! We kidnapped Alan and we are gone. Following in your footsteps bro!” Virgil tells him with a laugh.

“Huh?” Gordon replies confused. “There is no way Jefferson would let you take Alan. what have you done, and please don’t tell me its murder him and bury him in the yard!” 

“We just didn’t give him any choice, all five of us are now cut out of his will, and we have never felt freer. And you no longer have to worry about him finding out you are in contact with any of us because we don’t care what he thinks!” Virgil assures him. 

Gordon is astounded, he can’t believe his brothers are free too. “I am so thrilled for you, and we will have to meet up once I have finished my stint. I have seven months left underwater then I am free for a month, why don’t you all come over to California and you can meet Atlanta.” 

“Who’s Atlanta?” Scott asks. 

“This is Atlanta” Gordon replies proudly, shoving the phone into her face. 

“Gordon!” she declares laughing, “Hi Gordons brothers, I have heard a lot about you guys” 

“We have heard nothing about you, so we will ask all the questions!” Alan tells her. 

“Later Allie, we have to get back to base before they throw us in jail!” Gordon tells him laughing. “Jail here is awful” 

“How do you know?!” Scott demands.

“He got caught running around the base butt naked as a hazing ritual” Atlanta tells them laughing. To which they all join in. 

“I hope he has told you about the time he got caught cow tipping on our neighbours farm” Virgil tells her, causing Gordon to go bright red, and Atlanta to burst into renewed giggles.

“No he didn’t tell me this story” she assures them.

“Ooo how about the time he decided he was going to go vegan and released all the chickens on the farm?” John adds. “Jeff forced us all to help round them back up. To this day I can’t even think about eating a chicken!” 

“Did that neighbour hate you?” Atlanta asks. 

“Yeah, especially after he snuck into their house on Christmas Eve and swapped all their children’s stocking gifts with lumps of coal” Scott tells her.

“I have never heard any of these stories Gords!” Atlanta tells him in mock condemnation.

Gordons grin is sheepish now, “I have turned over a new leaf!” he tells her.

“Yeah right, is that why Paul won’t let you in his bathroom anymore?” Atlanta reminds him.

Gordon groans, “You cover one toilet seat in clingfilm, and you’re condemned for life!” 

“We really have to head back now” Commander Shore announces cutting their reunion short. “Gordon will call you tomorrow and as his commanding officer I can make it happen!” 

“Night guys” Gordon replies smiling. “I will call you later and I will organise getting my personal number over to you so you don’t have to call through to the base every time” 

“Good night Gords” they all reply. 

“I love you all” Gordon tells them sincerely.

“We all love you too” They reassure him happily.

Ringing off Gordon turns to look at Atlanta. He is happier than she has ever seen him be before, and the smile lighting up his whole face makes him look even more beautiful than usual. They leave Commander Shore with the bill and walk hand in hand out of the restaurant, taking a casual slow stroll back to their shared apartment. 

Atlanta leads him straight into the bedroom, mentally undressing him with her eyes. Pushing down onto the bed and whispering into his ear “So tell me more about your bad boy days” 

*TB*

Alan loves Houston, thanks to Johns influence they give him a job. It isn’t well paid and it isn’t glamorous, and he spends more time at the end of a mop than he ever thought he would enjoy, but it is his job, and he is determined not to let anyone down. His brothers for helping him, his boss for giving him a chance but most importantly himself. 

The pull-out sofa he was promised is surprisingly comfortable, and he keeps his clothes in a spare cupboard in the apartment. He has less space here than he has ever had before, and virtually no privacy, but he has never been happier. 

And neither has John, he loves having Alan around and is spending the evenings with him, studying to help him prepare for college. Alan wants to follow John into space, and they are looking into affordable colleges for him, and possible scholarships. The money that they have managed to pull together between the five of them, with Gordon helping out won’t even cover a single year of any course. 

Until Alan has one bright idea that will guarantee him the money and decides to ask his brothers what they think during their now weekly video chat catch up. 

*TB*

Alan has now been with John in Texas for 3 months and barely given his father a second thought. His only thoughts are how to put himself through college without being a burden on his brothers financially. He misses his mom, but the pain of her loss recedes every day as he finds ways to move on, while keeping her memory alive. He has even talked John into letting him redecorate the apartment. The once white walls are now a vibrant shade of red, and a portrait of the family is hanging above the sofa bed, painted by Virgil. Who has added all five brothers and their mom, there is no sign of Jeff.

Alan is enjoying a rare afternoon off, cooking a pasta bake for himself and John to have when he gets home knowing that he is due shortly for their family meeting. 

John is right on time, as usual, as he hates being late for anything. “Did you cook?” John asks, sniffing the air in appreciation.

“Sure did, now come eat and then we will call our reprobate brothers” Alan replies, dishing him up a plate and setting it on the small dining table situated in the corner of the room. Squeezing down into what has become his side. 

“This is good” John tells him.

“Of course it is, I made it!” Alan replies cheekily. 

“Don’t push your luck kiddo!” John tells him smiling. 

John washes the dishes, as Alan cooked, he sees that as fair. Before they congregate in the living room for their weekly catch up. 

The sofa is still set up as Alans bed and they have given up making it back into a sofa, choosing to lie on it during the evenings when they are both home. John sets up his tablet, just as Virgil requests his presence and the screen is filled with the faces of their brothers.

Gordon is still under water, but he only has a few months left now before his stint is done, he hasn’t told his brothers his big news, but there is still time. But he has started to make plans for life above the sea level, he has plans to complete his Oceanography degree, and he is looking at the hydrofoil testing programme. There is a prototype speedboat capable of speeds of up to 500 knots, and he is itching to try it out. 

But there is time for these revelations, right now he needs to talk to Alan. the kid is clearly hiding a big secret of his own, he knows Alan too well.

“What are you hiding Alan?” Gordon asks, jumping straight to the point.

“I have come up with an idea which if it works will pay for college” he tells them nervously.

“You are going to sell one of Virgil’s kidneys on the black market?” Gordon asks.

“No!” Alan replies laughing. “Not a bad idea though” 

“Hey!” Virgil interrupts. “No selling my vital organs!” 

“Okay fine!” Gordon replies with a fake pout. “You are becoming a male escort?” 

“Over my dead body is he!” Scott replies. “No way is my baby brother selling himself for sex” 

“I agree with Scott! Gross Gordy!” Alan tells them. “No, but I really want to do this.” 

“Do what?” Virgil asks confused.

“I have been talking to my old team boss…” Alan tells them. nervously running his tongue over his lips. “And he thinks I could do it”

“Do what?” Virgil repeats, even more confused than before.

But realisation has dawned on Gordon. “That is a fantastic idea!” 

“What is a fantastic idea?!” Virgil now demands.

“Tell him Allie” Gordon tell him, “put him out of his misery!”

“Racing” Alan replies. “I have an offer from a top formula one team for this season, and they are offering me five hundred thousand dollars to complete the season. With an additional thousand for every point I score as a performance incentive. One year and I can pay for college.” 

“Well it is certainly better than prostitution!” Scott replies with a grin. Racing is safer now than ever before, with the halo device and HANS system protecting drivers from serious injuries. 

“Gordon knows that I was on the verge of an F1 drive last year” Alan tells them. “I can do this” 

“He sure can” Gordon replies smiling. “Let me know when the races are as I will have to organise my big event around it as I want you all there” 

“What big event?!” Alan asks in surprise. 

“My wedding” Gordon replies. 

“Wedding?! You are getting married?! Who too?!” Alan asks, realising that sounds stupid the second the words are out of his mouth. “No wait don’t tell me, Atlanta!” He adds quickly. While his brothers all burst out laughing.

“Yep I proposed on New Year’s Eve, I have been trying to tell you, but I didn’t want to say the words out loud in case it made them untrue, but yeah and I want you all there. I was thinking that Virgil can be my best man, John can be the ring bearer and Scott can be an usher. That way you are all apart of my big day.”

“What about me?!” Alan asks indignantly.

“Oh yeah, how would you like to be my flower girl?” Gordon was hoping he would ask!

“Ha bloody ha” Alan replies. 

“Ungrateful! You can just be another usher then” Gordon tells him with a grin. “Paul is going to officiate. This is amazing, he registered online to do it, you guys will love Paul, he is the best friend I have ever had.”

“Didn’t you booby trap his toilet?” Scott asks.

“Yeah. He likes a practical joke too!” Gordon tells him. “You know me, I wouldn’t prank anyone who couldn’t take it, it’s not worth the hassle! He has helped me out with the degree” 

“You have a degree?” John asks. “But you have never been to college?” 

“Not yet but I am getting there, it’s a perk of the job. They are funding my Oceanography degree and let me tell you living down here has really helped. I get to take the sub out with Paul and help map trenches unseen by man before.” Gordon tells them with pride. 

“Did you see any mermaids?” Alan asks curiously.

“No” Gordon replies with a hint of sadness. “We went to Scotland on our last leave to try and hunt down the Loch Ness Monster but didn’t have any luck!” 

Virgil has been listening to this conversation with interest, enjoying being an observer. He will never get tired of listening to the banter between his brothers. He is the happiest he has ever been. His weight is maintaining at a just below healthy level, but he doesn’t mind the extra pounds as much as he did before. The bridge will be completed in weeks, and Dean has already got him signed up for his next big project. Which will even see him get a small house for accommodation and not a caravan! 

They continue to catch up for another hour, the conversation turning to what Alan is going to spend his money on after he has completed his college degree. None of the suggestions are remotely sensible but they laugh a lot and before they know it, it is nearly midnight in Texas and John finds himself falling asleep on Alans shoulder. 

Hanging up, Alan looks down at John who is snoring gently. Slipping away from his side and tucking the blanket around him, leaving him to sleep while he quietly goes about cleaning the kitchen and goes to sleep in Johns bed. 

*TB*

Alan wins the opening race in Melbourne six weeks later, from Victor Gomez. Standing up on the top step of the podium in front of a crowd of seventy thousand fans, Alan grins out as his adoring public, leaping down from the top step with the champagne and proceeding to soak his team down below. He doesn’t pick up on the daggers from Gomez, who was the favourite for the title before Alan showed up and blew him away. 

Follow up wins in China, Bahrain, Russia, Barcelona, Monaco and Germany with a second place in Canada give Alan a comfortable lead even with the retirement in Austria and a shocker of a race in the rain in Hungary where he spun early and spent the rest of the race playing catch up, finally finishing in tenth place for a single and possibly crucial point, the last race before the summer break and everyone is talking about the greatest rookie that the sport has ever seen. 

Already being compared to the sports greats, thanks to his brothers bringing him back to earth and never letting him get involved in the party scene that surrounds him always ready with some brotherly banter for him. 

He has a four-week summer break during the season after the Hungarian Grand Prix and he needs it. The seasons pace is relentless, and he can’t wait until he is fast asleep on Johns sofa again! It is nearly two in the morning when he stumbles in through the door, exhausted and collapses onto his makeshift bed not even bothering to take his shoes off. 

He has never been this happy, he has everything he has ever wanted right here. His brothers in his life being the loving supporting unit they were before Scott first left home, together they are working through the pain of losing their mother. He has had no contact with his father in several months, and he doesn’t miss him and he knows his brothers are happier without him in their lives. 

*TB*

“FREEDOM!” Gordon declares on his first day on dry land the second he steps out of Stingray and into the lounge, grabbing Atlanta and spinning her around above his head before lowering her to the ground. 

“Do you mind Tracy? You are still on duty!” Commander Shore tells him with a grin. 

“Sorry Sir” Gordon replies with an unapologetic grin.

“No you aren’t!” Commander Shore laughs. The transformation in Gordon has been wonderful to see. The sad, defeated young man who cried on his shoulder eighteen months ago has been consigned to history and replaced with a happy, confident, loving young man. “What are you doing with your leave?” 

“Going down to Texas as Alans season is on a break, Scott has some leave to use up and Virgil’s project is a shopping mall an hours drive from John so it makes more sense for us to go there. Besides Atlanta has never seen Texas” Gordon tells him with a grin.

“Have fun, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” Commander Shore tells them smiling. 

“We will see you in four weeks father” Atlanta tells him. She too is smiling, “I will drop Tornado off with you” 

“Bring her to my apartment and leave her food and cat litter where I can find it” Commander Shore replies. 

Getting Tornado into his basket is harder than the initial W.A.S.P officers’ exam, as the large black and white cat gives them the run around for nearly twenty minutes before being wrestled into the carrier by Gordon, who is nursing the scratches on his hand as he carries the cat down the road to Commander Shores apartment.

“I will see you in a few weeks Tornado baby” Atlanta tells the cat, who is used to travelling between the two apartments and is happily making herself at home on the bed licking the her paw and cleaning the back of her ears. 

Gordon gives his furry step daughter a quick scratch behind the ears and gets a purr in return to let him know that she forgives him for forcing her into the basket, while Atlanta sets up her food and water bowls in the kitchen and a clean litter tray, before giving her one final stroke before they leave for the airport for a family vacation.

*TB*

Jeff can’t stand it anymore. The house feels so hollow now, he watches every single one of Alans races just to get a glimpse of his youngest son. None of the boys have contacted him, not once. There is something deep in his gut telling him that it is all his own fault. That he drove these boys away and now he is reaping the seeds he had sown so many years ago. 

Leaving a message with his secretary, Jeff decides what he needs is a vacation. Jumping into his plane that familiar happy rush of being in the air fills his heart with an adrenaline he has missed as he flies in the general direction of Australia, but he doesn’t really have a plan in mind.

The engine starts to grumble, and a warning light flashes on his dashboard, forcing him to make an emergency landing in a dense jungle. 

Climbing out of the cockpit, Jeff tries to figure out where he is, but he is surrounded by trees in all directions, and his right ankle is badly sprained. Putting weight on his injured ankle causes him to cry out in pain and sit down on a tree stump. The only thing remaining from a once majestic tree. 

Jeff knows he is stranded here, and worse no one is going to be bothering to look for him.


	12. Jeffs terrible secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys are getting on with their lives, but when they find out about their fathers disappearance Scott discovers something that he wishes he never found out.

Jeff knows he can’t stay here forever. He doesn’t even know where here is. Pain shoots up his leg when he tries to stand. Knowing that he needs water more than anything, he starts to stumble through the undergrowth of the jungle, blindly. 

Twelve hours he keeps going for, there are blisters covering every inch if both his feet, and the heat from the humidity is causing sweat to pour down his face, dripping into his eyes and mouth. The short sleeved t-shirt he is wearing is sticking to his back, and he would love to peel it off and throw it on the ground but it is protecting the skin on his back from the relentless burning of the sun still beating down on his head. 

Exhausted, and unable to physically move any further, Jeff collapses to his knees before lying his head down on his outstretched arm and is unconscious within minutes. 

*TB*

“GORDON! Are you even getting up?” John calls from his doorway, finding the young red head curled up under a thin, fluffy blanket snoring loudly.

“I am up” he calls back, groaning just as loudly as he had been snoring. 

John grins, sneaking up to the bed and pulling the blanket off him, breaking out into laughter when Gordon blindly reaches out to grab it back. “Johnnnnnnnnnny!” he whines, “What time is it?” 

“Half five” John tells him.

“I slept all day?” Gordon replies, sitting up in shock.

“No! half five in the morning. Virgil has been up for hours and we won’t let him open his birthday presents until everyone is there. Atlanta has made coffee, you need to keep her Gordon she is lot more domesticated than you are!” 

“Okay fine, do I have to get dressed?” Gordon asks. His pyjama top has twisted around his upper body, and two of the buttons have come undone. 

“No, none of us have bothered getting dressed, but this is the first birthday we have celebrated all together for years, and we promised Virgil a good time so get your lazy little butt out of bed” John tells him, but he is smiling to let Gordon know that the order is in jest. 

Gordon, used to following orders, both from his father and at W.A.S.P does as he is told and follows John out of the room yawning and stretching his arms above his head. 

Johns apartment is crowded with the six of them, Alan has given up his sofa bed for Virgil and Scott claiming that the old men can’t sleep on the floor, which earns him a good natured smack round the back of his head by Scott, who happily takes him up on the offer though. 

Alan is sleeping on Johns floor, and Gordon and Atlanta have a camp bed in the small dining room to give them a tiny bit of privacy. 

It is small and cramped, but the boys are so happy to be together again that they don’t care. 

Gordon joins his brothers and fiancé in the crowded living room sitting on the table which has been shoved up against one wall. Squeezing his way into a small gap between Scott and Alan having to cling on to his eldest brother to stop him from falling off. 

None of the presents Virgil unwraps are expensive, no fast cars or private jets this year. Instead he unwraps small heartfelt presents. Paint sets and sketchbooks from John, a gift voucher from Scott for the music store they found on a trip to the city centre, the most hideous shirt Gordon could find with matching socks from Atlanta, and a book about the greatest modern engineering feats from Alan. Virgil is thrilled, these gifts were bought for him, by people who love him and want to celebrate his life with him. 

Eyeing up the neon pink shirt covered in purple and orange spots from Gordon Virgil knows that he has done this to wind him up and hopes that he is not actually expecting him to wear this?! Looking into his younger brothers rapidly falling face, Virgil realises that he is fully expecting him to wear the shirt when they go out for lunch later. “I love it Gords” Virgil tells him smiling.

Gordons face goes from about to cry too lighting up the room again, as he pulls out a bag that the has kept hidden all day. “Oh good because I got everyone one! Put them on boys. We can be twins!”

Virgil laughs at the looks of horror on his brothers faces, but they pull the shirts on anyway. “Much better!” Gordon tells them appreciatively. “Here is your real present by the way bro” Gordon hands him a neatly wrapped gift. 

Virgil chokes on the coffee he has just taken a gulp out of as he unwraps the box. “Gordon you can’t be serious?” he asks incredulously at the golden disc in a custom-made display box. 

Gordon nods happily. “Polishing it was a pain in the neck!” He tells him 

“But this is your Olympic gold medal” Virgil tells him.

“I want you to have it, you saved my life Virg” Gordon reminds him. “And you know you’re my favourite!” 

“I promise you, I will cherish it forever” Virgil tells him, his eyes swimming with tears. 

“Don’t get all soppy on me!” Gordon warns. 

“I love you guys” Virgil replies, standing up and holding his arms out for his brothers who all pile into them for a hug. 

*TB*

The next time Jeff opens his eyes he is on the back of a flat bed truck. He tries to move, but there are thick heavy straps across his chest, arms and legs pinning him to the hot hard surface underneath his back. “W-w-water” he stutters weakly. The scenarios buzzing through his mind include that he has been kidnapped by pirates or cannibals. This is the end of his life, destined to die alone and afraid. 

To his surprise one of his captors holds a straw to his lips. “Small sips please”. The voice sounds veneered and gentle, and he finds himself trusting this strange man. Even though his eyes are bandaged to protect them from further harm. Surely if they were going to kill, cook and eat him they wouldn’t have taken such care to keep him safe?

“W-who are y-y-you?” he asks, his voice parched despite the water. 

“You can call me Kyrano” The stranger replies. “We saw your plane go down, it has taken us hours to find you. What is your name?” 

Jeff thinks about it for a while. Can he trust this man? Deciding that he has no choice he answers him croakily “Jeff Tracy” 

Kyrano is non-plussed and has clearly never heard of him. Which both surprises Jeff and insults him. Surely he is famous enough for the whole world to have heard of him? 

They lapse into an uncomfortable silence as the truck bounces across the rough terrain, jarring his leg again with every bump. The pain is intensifying with every jolt, and he finds himself passing out from the combination of pain and exhaustion. 

Waking up hours later it is dark now, but the air is still oppressively humid and dense. he appears to be in some sort of hospital. His ankle strapped up under a lightweight blanket. Looking around at his surroundings the building is primitive, and he is the only patient in the room as the other seven beds are all empty. 

“Welcome back sir” A voice from somewhere on his right, this is a different voice. More light-hearted, and definitely female. “Can I get you anything?” 

“Where am I?” Jeff asks. 

“Back in the village” is the response. 

Frustration is now growing, as no one will tell him where this village is, and he desperately wants to go home. “And where exactly is this village?” 

“We are two hours away from Kuala Lumpur” is the reply.

Malaysia, Jeff thinks. “I wish to go to the airport so I can fly home” he tells her. 

“I am afraid that won’t be possible, you are suffered extensive heat exhaustion from being exposed to the sun out there for hours and you can not walk on that leg” he is told.

“Well how long will it be before I can get out of this mud hut?” Jeff asks in frustration. 

“Well you will need to be monitored, and we are waiting for the doctor to come from the nearest village” she is struggling to remain polite to his grumpy, ungrateful and frankly rude individual. She had plans to go out to the local bar with one of the boys from her school this evening, and was asked by her father to shelve her plans to keep an eye on this man, he hasn’t even asked her name or even uttered a single word of thank you. 

“That is ridiculous, how can you possibly stay here in this backwards primitive country?” Jeff asks. 

The girl is more insulted than ever, they may not have much money here in the village, her uncle having seen to the family fortune when he ran away after organising the murders of her grandparents, but they care for their people in a way that she suspects he has no idea how to do. 

“Do you need anything Sir?” she asks, manners have been instilled on her since the moment she learned to talk.

“Yes” he snaps back angrily. “I want to get out of here you silly little girl” 

She doesn’t bother to reply. Hoping that he falls asleep soon. 

*TB*

The meal turns into a party, and this day has been so perfect that Virgil never wants it to end. He finally has the only family he has ever wanted back, his brothers, and they are all healthy and happy. Virgil does not miss his father and has barely given him a moment’s thought since his mom’s funeral. He doesn’t even mind the weird looks they get with their matching outfits as he stands to the side of the dance floor watching Gordon with Atlanta. The song playing has a fast beat, but they are twirling slowly, her head rested on his shoulder and they are both completely oblivious to the world around them. 

Scott rounds them up just before midnight and they all go back to the apartment, Scott has made sure none of them are drunk and has even managed to not have a drink all evening himself finding that he would rather remember this one perfect day and not let the alcohol destroy the first happy memory he has had in a long time. 

They all sleep late the following morning, ignoring the phone ringing of their phones for extra sleep, until Scott can ignore it no more, “Hello?” he asks sleepily. 

“Scott?” a female voice greets him. “It is Mrs Webber” 

Scott groans, his fathers lackey. He loves Mrs Webber, she used to look after him and his brothers when they were children, but he wants nothing to do with his father. 

“Hi Mrs Webber, how can I help” He asks politely. 

“Finally. I have been trying to contact you for hours.” She tells him. 

Scott picks up on how frantic her voice sounds. “Sorry Mrs Webber, I have been asleep I had a long day yesterday. What’s wrong?” 

“Your father didn’t show up for work this morning, he took some vacation days and was due back this morning. He has never not shown up for work before. We can’t contact him” Mrs Webber informs him. 

Scott is sorely tempted to tell her that he does not care, that this man stopped being his responsibility a long time ago, but Mrs Webber has always been so good to him and his brothers. “I will see what I can find out” Scott promises her, hanging up the phone.

Virgil is stirring on the sofa next to him. “Who was that?” he asks.

“Mrs Webber, apparently dad hasn’t shown up for work and she can’t contact him” Scott tells him. 

“Is that all? Wake me up when breakfast is ready!” Virgil replies. 

Scott slips off the sofa and into Johns room, to check for their opinions. Waking John first. “Is the house on fire?” John asks, opening one eye and glancing at his eldest brother. 

“No, Mrs Webber called to advise that dad is missing” Scott tells him.

“But the house isn’t on fire?” John confirms. 

“No” Scott reiterates. 

“Oh good, wake me up in a few hours then” John replies turning over onto his other side and starting to snore.

Scott approaches Alan, who he knows is grumpy as hell when he has not had enough sleep and just grunts at him when he tries to tell him. 

Scott knocks on Gordons door, not wanting to walk in on something he would rather not see. But it is Atlanta who calls him in, and he finds them both sitting up on their bed sipping coffee. “Sup Scott”? Gordon asks.

“Mrs Webber called, dad hasn’t shown up for work and she can’t contact him” Scott tells him.

“And what does she want me to do about it?” Gordon asks indifferently.

“Look for him, I said we would have a look later, when we are all awake.” Scott replies. “John, Alan and Virgil all know and have gone back to bed, and I am going too. I promised her I would let you know and that we would try to contact him. Never told her when” 

Gordon grins back at him, “So we are united here, we don’t care?” 

Scott nods. “No we don’t I have done my job and I will see you in a few hours” 

“Good night Scott” Gordon replies with a smile. 

*

The boys don’t make it to Kansas to look for their father for two days, as they were too tired the day after Virgils birthday and the day after Alan and John wanted to show them the plans for Johns trip to the space station at the beginning of next year. 

The farmhouse when they arrive has an air of abandonment. The rooms are dark and have a musty unused smell, apart from their father’s office and bedroom. These are the only two rooms that look like they have been used. 

Scott starts by taking the post into his father’s office and starting to open and read it. Sorting the letters into categories of importance. Making a few half-hearted calls to make enquiries into his fathers’ whereabouts. But no one has heard from him. 

Scott starts to rummage through draws for clues, taking out the brush their father would use to beat them with and throwing it in the bin in disgust, wishing it was cold enough to start a fire so he could burn his fathers torture instruments. 

His fingers pause on a letter that has been hidden in the draw underneath where he found the brush. Lifting it up Scott reads its contents with interest. His eyes filling with tears as his brain drinks in the words on the page. Heart broken he is tempted to rip the letter to shreds but he doesn’t. putting it back in the draw Scott slams it shut in disgust. All thoughts of finding his father gone with the revelations in the letter. 

He joins his brothers, who are dusting off their rooms, if they are going to stay for a few days they may as well live in comfort. Scott finds tackling the cleaning of his room therapeutic as he aggressively removes surface dust and shoves the nozzle of the hoover into the corners of the room to get rid of the cobwebs. One he is happy with the room he collapses on the bed and starts to cry.

*TB*

Jeff has now been in the village for three days, the young lady he has learned is named Tintin and she is the daughter of the man who rescued him. The village is made up of a number of small buildings, homes and shops and a small school which Tintin attends during the mornings, before spending the afternoons helping her father with chores in the village. She is an intelligent young woman, but the family don’t have the money or the resources to send her onto higher education. Jeff knows that it is a shame, but it is not his responsibility to save the world.

“Mr Tracy?” Kyrano approaches him, three days and he is already aware that this man is volatile and cruel and he can’t wait until he is well enough to be taken to the nearest airport and exiled from the country. He has done a lot of complaining, about his accommodation, about the humidity, about the noise, about the food, and especially about the bugs. Jeff told him his worries that they were cannibals and he was destined to be his meal, Kyrano is beginning to wish that were true as he would at least then be rid of him!

“What?” He growls. Jeff is bored, and he is in pain. Happy to take it out on anyone who will listen.

“I was wandering if you would like to join us for some dinner, we have a campfire. It is a tradition at this time of year that my great grand parents started a hundred years who” Kyrano asks him.

Jeff shrugs, it is not like he has anything better to do he thinks. “Sure” he replies.

It is a shock to both men, as neither can believe he has said yes, but Jeff gets up and follows Kyrano to the clearing where there is a roaring fire burning in the middle. Adults happily gossiping and eating while they watch their children playing. It is a happy relaxing evening, and Jeff finds himself enjoying the friendly atmosphere. 

The days drag into a full week, and Jeff starts to make friends with some of the villagers. Realising that they are hardworking, and loyal. One week becomes two, and he finds excuses to not leave. There was the irrigation project, the fence that needed to be mended, the harvesting that needed to be done. Every time it was mentioned that he was healthy enough to leave, he stayed. Before even he realised it, this was home now. 

*TB*

Scott has no idea if he should tell his brothers the awful secret he found in the draw. Keeping quiet while they all enjoyed the last days of their leave, before they got back to their lives. Alan having to be in Belgium for the resumption of his formula one championship challenge, Gordon and Atlanta back to California to oversee the hydrofoil testing, Virgil back to his own apartment to continue the designs on the shopping mall, John back to Nasa and Scott back to his own air base. 

The guilt of not telling them Jeffs most terrible secret is hurting Scott, and he finds himself unable to sleep at night, tossing and turning struggling to cope with the burden of what he has found out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just what is Jeff Tracys terrible secret?!


	13. Jeffs Tracys most terrible secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott decides to keep this new found knowledge from his brothers will this ultimately be the correct choice?

Scott has no idea what to do, does he tell his brothers that their father is a murderer or not? They are so happy right now. Alan is on the verge of becoming the youngest formula one world champion, Gordon has found his place in life with W.A.S.P and is so busy with the testing for the new hydrofoil tests, something that he knows takes up all his concentration as he is determined to make them as safe as possible, John will be going up to the space station the day after Gordons wedding and Virgil is finally painting in the open. He can’t tell them. 

The words of the letter are burned into his brain and his grandmothers handwriting floats in front of his eyes whenever he tries to close them. 

Dear Jeff,   
I cannot believe that you could be so irresponsible. I have turned a blind eye to everything you have done to Lucy and to the boys because I believed that you loved them, but this. This I can not forgive. You bought that house in Aspen, knowing that without the new Avalanche proofing it was a potential death trap. I told you, your father told you even Lucy told you that the house was not safe.   
It would have cost you a fraction of your wealth to make the house safe. You refused to do so. Now that wonderful woman has lost her life, and I have heard that you have cast Gordon out of your so-called family. I will not be attending the funeral Jeff, you don’t deserve to have me there. Please tell the boys the truth. That their mother died because you refused to invest in the technology that would have saved her life.   
The day is coming when all five of your boys will join Gordon in abandoning you to your lonely fate Jeff Tracy, and I will be firmly on their side and not yours.   
Sincerely, your mother.

Scott wants to go and visit her, but he has just taken a month of leave to be with his brothers, he can’t ask for more time. Never before has he been tempted to quit the Air Force and return to civilian life. If his father really is gone, then surely he has some responsibility to take over the company. 

It has been two weeks, Scott has spent every free second he has researching the measures his father should have taken, reinforced windows, insulation in the walls to keep the house warm until those trapped can be rescued, panelling on the exterior which would have prevented the walls from collapsing under the sheer force of the snow. Even a basic avalanche warning system wouldn’t have been cost prohibitive. Scott has estimated that the improvements would have cost less the money Jeff kept in his safe at anyone time, it was pocket change to the billionaire. 

Realising that any of them could have been in the house at the time of the avalanche is what spurs Scott into action. He doesn’t want to, he loves the air force this has been his home for three years, but it is time to move on. 

Putting in his resignation with his commanding officer Scott gets into his car to start the long drive back to Kansas. 

His brother’s reactions to his resignation excuse that he needs to sort out the family business, as he is the eldest and therefor his father’s natural heir is predictable. 

Gordon: Rather you than me bro, but when you have control of the purse strings send me a million or two to tide me over!   
Virgil: Have fun!  
John: Dude? Why?  
Alan: I agree with John, Why Scott?

It takes hours for Scott to reply to their WhatsApp chat, he isn’t ready for them to know that their father was happy to risk all their lives and was responsible for their mother’s death. This is one burden he is not putting on his brother’s shoulders. 

Scott: Because with him gone bills aren’t being paid and he has hundreds of employees who aren’t being paid. Someone has to take responsibility for the company or those innocent people will be out of jobs.

It is a partial truth, there are employees threatening to quit unless they get paid, and they deserve their wages. 

Scott calls for an emergency board meeting and is elected acting CEO for the company, he is insulted when this causes a further dip in the share price, but he knows that he can do the job. After all, his father could do it! 

Scott moves into the farmhouse full time, sticking to his original bedroom, and commandeering the bathroom opposite. He can’t deny that it is a lonely existence. Meetings with faceless executives’ day after day drain the life from Scott and he finds himself looking forward to the weekends where he is working on his new project: uncovering his fathers past. Trying to find a reason for they way his father was.

He contacts his grandmother, after all she raised him, she should know better than anyone. He has not seen her for several years, their father never let them go to their grandfather’s funeral, when he passed away from a heart attack when Scott was seventeen. 

He is pleasantly surprised when she agrees to come and stay with him for a few weeks. Together they go through the paperwork stashed away in the attic, and uncover further fraudulent activities, and several sweatshops set up in the heart of Kansas where he is taking advantage of illegal immigrants desperate for shelter and security. 

“Did you know any of this?” Scott asks her, he is disgusted by what he is finding, and more determined than ever to turn this company around. 

His grandmother shakes her head sadly. “No Scott I did not. I have not spoken to your father for years, your grandfather was so ashamed to admit that he was his son, and we would have taken you all and shielded you from him if we could, he always said that if we tried to interfere then you would all bear the brunt of his revenge. We tried Scott, we even reported him to child services when he hurt Gordon, but he must have paid them off, just like he has been covering all of this up for the last twenty years.”

“No more Grandma, we are all free now and I am going to turn this company into an ethical business, one which will help look after the planet and pay all of it’s workers fairly. I want to contact my father’s lawyers to see if they can help with the immigration status of my father’s slaves. For that’s what these poor folks are. His slaves. Just like I once was.” Scott tells her, watching her reaction closely and relaxing at the happy easy-going smile on her face.

“You truly are your mother’s son Scott” she tells him. “She was a loving kind-hearted woman. I know you don’t believe so, but she tried so hard to save you all from him.”

Scott doesn’t question her he has learned recently that she had no choice in the way they were treated, and the perception of her being a willing component in their treatment at their father’s hands was not the truth. 

Grandma even joins them for their weekly video catch up, as Scott fills them in on the progress he is making with the company. Grandma is the calming influence that Scott needs, a buffer between him and his old habits and with someone to talk too he doesn’t even need alcohol anymore. Gordon is happy to invite her to the wedding, even if he gives her a theatrical groan about the seating arrangements! John, Alan and Virgil are all excited for another family reunion and are thrilled that Scott has reached out to her. 

Two months fly by and Scott realises that being the head of a multibillion-dollar empire is a lot more stressful than he ever gave his father credit for. No one has heard from or seen his father since that fateful plane trip, and Scott has ordered that the search be officially called off and has petitioned for the courts to declare Jeff Tracy legally dead in order to enact his will. 

Jeffs will leaves everything to be split among all five boys equally and was changed shortly after Lucy’s death. Making all five boys overnight billionaires. 

“Why would he leave me anything?” Gordon asks confused, “he made it perfectly clear that he hated me” 

“Guilt?” Scott suggests, “maybe the crotchety old bastard felt some remorse for his actions”. 

“I will take it Scott, wire it all over to me, I have a wedding to pay for. And something else I can’t tell you about yet” Gordon tells him with a grin.

“When is the big day Gordon?” Grandma asks. 

“The first of December. Traditional church ceremony as I know a heathen orgy on the beach is not your style” he replies with a cheeky laugh. 

“Don’t even think about that” Grandma tells him, but she too is smiling. These boys have lived through hell and survived, but more than that they have made lives for themselves that they can all be proud of. 

*TB*

Scott wakes up to a blanket of crisp white snow outside of his window. Jumping up out of bed in the master bedroom, a room he has had extensively remodelled, adding a large walk in closet, small seating area and his own bathroom. He has had all of his mother’s things stored safely away in a fireproof vault to protect them, until a time he can get his brothers together to go through everything and keep what they want. His fathers’ stuff has been taken to the attic and left to rot. 

The room is bright and airy, he has even had new windows put in, much larger and on two walls to bring in as much natural light as possible. He has fresh flowers delivered weekly placing them in his suite, and in his Grandmothers suite, which too has been remodelled. He knows Alan and Gordon won’t really mind the changes he has made to their rooms, knocking the wall down and turning it into a large suite, again adding in a bathroom and closet. 

He has also remodelled what he now considers his office. The walls are now his favourite shade of light blue, with portrait photos of his brothers replacing the artwork on the walls. Every room has been redecorated in bright happy colours in stark contrast to his father’s tastes. 

Scott retrieved the hairbrush from the bin, instead choosing to burn it along with his fathers’ old belt the first evening the air was chilled enough to light his first fire of the winter. 

Scott Chooses not to burn the records he found among his fathers’ papers, extensive records he kept of every single beating he had given his brothers. Dates, offenses and even how they were punished, from the hairbrush to the belt. All meticulously recorded. Apart from one page in Gordons punishment book which has been torn out. The one time even the great Jefferson Tracy knows he made a mistake. Storing the volumes away with all the evidence he has been able to gather, just in case one day he needs it.

Bile rising in his throat as he reads some of the entries. Johns only has one entry, and Scott is impressed with his younger brother for managing to escape the worst of his fathers’ anger. Gordons book is the fullest and includes the time he got a whipping for putting a skunk in his father’s office. Scott laughs at the memory even now of the way the office smelled for weeks and the look of disgust on his father’s face each day when he retired to the office when he got home. The memory of Gordons tears after push the laughter away, and with it Scott’s desire to dredge of the old painful memories. 

Scott dresses in a dark blue shirt, which is one of his grandmothers favourites as she claims it brings out his eyes, a black tie patterned with golden snitches as it is Friday and he has been told by his colleagues that Fridays are crazy tie days and participation is not optional! Finishing off his ensemble with smart black trousers, the creases ironed within an inch of their lives and black shoes, and socks which match his tie. 

This is his final day in the office before the Christmas break, even though it is only November he is closing down the office for a month and giving Jeffs long suffering staff the month off. he hasn’t told any of them yet, planning to call a meeting to inform them this morning. If this works out, then he will make this an annual event. 

Pouring himself a third coffee into his travel mug, Scott gives his Grandmother a quick goodbye kiss, before getting into the car for the commute to the office. 

This drive in the rush hour traffic is why Scott hates this job. Honking his horn at a large SUV which has just happily cut him up while he was trying to turn into the car park Scott swears loudly, knowing that she can’t hear him, but it does make him feel better! 

The news that they are getting a month vacation fully paid thrills his new employees, who love the way Scott is handling the business, and he has found that confidence reflected in the share prices as everyone rushes to get a piece of the new Tracy Industries. 

Scott had only intended to stay for the morning as he has a flight to catch if he is going to make Gordons wedding, but instead is forced to attend a meeting with a young engineer named Hackenbacker. He is a recent graduate from the scholarship programme his father set up, he is asking for a grant to do some research into a safety company he is looking to start. Scott is interested and makes an appointment to go through his plans in more detail when he gets back from the Christmas break. 

Scott has never mentioned the letter to his Grandma or his brothers. Finding ways to get out of mentioning their fathers most shameful secret. Not wanting to disrupt Alans championship challenge or put a dampener on Gordons wedding plans. Deciding that they don’t need to have their newly found happiness torn away from them. 

The drive back to the house, without the rush hour traffic is a lot easier on his nerves, as he races down the country roads to home. Getting changed into jeans and a hoodie before loading his and Grandmas luggage into the back of his car. Before jumping back in and driving to the airport. Sometimes, just sometimes Scott resents having to drive so much but a motorway devoid of traffic is a beautiful time to be alive.

Being the acting CEO of a multibillion-dollar industry means that Scott has the use of his own private plane again, and is shown to his private hangar where he is able to park up in comfort and style before transferring the bags onto the plane. 

*TB*

It is Alan who is waiting for him when he arrives. A large grin on his face as he rushes to meet his grandma, throwing himself into her arms for a cuddle. “Oh Allie” She greets him enthusiastically. “Congratulations on the world title honey” 

“I can’t believe that you’re here Grandma, you are going to love California. Gordons house is the coolest thing you have ever seen!” Alan tells her happily. 

“Hi Alan, it’s good to see you” Scott tells him sarcastically.

“Yeah you too. but seriously Grandma let’s get going, I can’t wait to give you a guided tour.” Alan tells her. 

The weather here is a stark contrast to the weather in Kansas the sun is shining and Scott happily peels his hoodie off and basks in the sunlight. 

Alan is right. Gordons house is situated about two miles from Marineville, close to the beach. Set on one level the house is laid out around a large yard which is home to a pool and a seating area. The main entrance is flanked by two bushes sitting in heavy terracotta pots. There are wall to floor windows in every room, and there is a large skylight over the main lounge. 

Even Scott is impressed. “I am guessing you didn’t have any say in decorating Gordon, this is too tasteful! OW!” he shouts, as the pillow Gordon throws at him hits him in the head! 

Scott throws it back and before long Gordon, Scott and Alan are engaged in an all-out pillow war. Virgil and John join in without questioning when they arrive moments later, and before long all five brothers are lying in a heap on the floor laughing and gasping for breath. 

“So tomorrow is the big day” Scott says to Gordon once he has got his breath back. 

“Yeah. Tomorrow is the day I become Mr Atlanta Shore!” Gordon tells him. He has his head rested on Scott’s chest, and Scott has never seen his brother look so happy. 

“You’re taking her name?” Alan asks. 

“Nah, we were thinking of hyphenating it but decided on being more traditional. So she is becoming Atlanta Tracy, we think it suits her” Gordon replies. “What time are we leaving for my bachelor party?” 

“You have already had it remember?” Virgil replies laughing. “And besides, we promised Atlanta we would get you to the church in one piece and not hungover. Sorry buddy” 

Gordon fakes a pout, but he is smiling. “Paul is joining us for dinner, if that’s okay.” 

“Sure, we like him” Scott replies. He knows that Paul has been Gordons best friend since they met during his year under water and has been there for him during everything. “What is for dinner?” 

“Whatever you want to cook” Gordon replies shrugging. 

“Pizza?” Scott replies rolling his eyes, there is no way he is cooking, because he knows Gordon will get him to clean up too.

They all agree on pizza and Gordon orders it from his spot on the floor. 

“Are we getting up or just staying here all evening?” Alan asks, not bothered either way.

“I am happy here, Scott is fairly comfortable for a pillow” Gordon replies. 

“Get off me fish face” Scott replies, shoving Gordons head off of his torso and sitting up. They make their way over to the sofas, and collapse into them while Alan flicks the television on. 

Paul arrives with the pizza carrying eleven boxes into the lounge. “How many people are you feeding Gordo?” he asks, having only counted seven people. 

“Paul come on in. let me introduce you to everyone. This is Scott, Virgil, John, Alan, my grandma and I am Gordon. Just in case you had forgotten! And just the seven of us, but Scott can finish two of these on his own and I am starving” Gordon tells him with a grin. 

Paul and Scott turn the pizza eating into a competition, each refusing to admit defeat and soon every slice is gone, they are so engrossed in betting on who can out eat who that no one notices Virgil picking at his slice delicately nibbling the cheese from the edge before hiding the rest of the slice away from prying eyes. 

Everybody that is apart from Grandma, but she is happy to put it down to pre wedding jitters. Being Gordons best man is a tough job. 

Scott can’t out eat Paul and he is impressed with the mans stamina as they agree to call the contest a draw, as neither of them can be bothered to order more pizza. Gordon has fallen asleep on the sofa and Scott orders Alan, Virgil and John to bed as tomorrow is going to be a long day.

He never did tell his brothers what he found out about their father. They don’t need this burden on their shoulders, but if by some miracle Jeff Tracy is alive Scott has the evidence to ensure that their mother gets the justice she deserves.


	14. A perfectly perfect day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding day is here! will it all go without a problem ;)

Over eighteen months as a W.A.S.P officer has left Gordon with the inability to sleep late, and his body clock has him wide awake by five-thirty on the morning of the wedding. For a few moments he has no idea why he feels so nervous then he remembers:

Today is the day he gets married! 

So much preparation has gone into making this day the most perfect day of both of their lives, this isn’t just about him, and he hopes that they can keep their big secret precisely that: A secret. 

Whistling happily, he jumps in the shower and starts to shampoo his hair. Usually he just squirts shower gel into it before rubbing it dry with a towel, but today he is going to make an effort! Once showered, he wraps his robe around his body before wandering down the hallway to get some breakfast. It does not matter how important today is, he is never to nervous for food! 

He isn’t surprised to find Scott already up, blindly shoving slices of bread into the toaster with one hand and trying to figure out how to get the lift off Gordons coffee maker with the other. 

“Scott, no! Don’t force it, there is a catch underneath. Here” Gordon shows him kindly. 

“Thanks” Scott replies dopily. “I would have never of figured that out!” 

“It’s fine, I had the same problem with it when we first got it. Had to look for the solution via a YouTube video tutorial!” Gordon confesses brightly. 

“You make the coffee, I am going for a shower.” Scott commands. 

“Sure thing Scotty, I know you need something to wake you up!” Gordon tells him with a grin. 

By the time Gordon has made the coffee, he has been joined by Paul, Virgil, John and Grandma. Only Alan is still asleep, and Scott is still in the shower. 

“Are you ready for your big day Gordon dear?” Grandma asks. 

“Yeah I am Grandma. I can’t believe that this day has finally arrived” He tells her happily. Now he is awake and has his brothers, Grandmother and best friend alongside him he is no longer nervous, and an excitement is building inside him. 

Scott joins them a few minutes later, just as John downs the last of the coffee. “Seriously?! You didn’t save me even half a mug?” he tells them trying to sound angry, but he misses fighting over food and coffee with his brothers when they aren’t around.

“Sit down, I will make some more” Gordon tells him getting up. 

“Make enough for me” Alan asks walking into the kitchen, still in his pyjamas with his hair sticking up. There are dark circles under his eyes which are still crusty with sleep. 

“What’s the magic word?” Gordon asks. 

Alan just glares sleepily at him and sinks into a free seat. 

Gordon pours a mug for Scott while deliberately ignoring Alans puppy dog pleas until he asks nicely.   
“For pity sake Alan, just say please!” Virgil tells him laughing. “Then go and get showered because we aren’t waiting for you!” 

“Okay fine. Please may I have some coffee Gordon?” Alan asks. 

“Better” Gordon replies smiling and pouring him a mug. “How would you like it?” 

“As dark as my soul” Alan replies.

“So extra sugar, extra cream?” Gordon asks.

“Yes please” Alan tells him. 

Despite the early start, it is still nearly five hours before they are all dressed and ready to leave. Outside there are two stretched chauffeured limousines waiting for them. Gordon climbs into the first one with Scott, Virgil and Paul while Grandma, John and Alan climb into the second one, and they start their journey to the church. 

They arrive three hours early to help set up. Gordon has hired the building for the whole day, Alan refused to be his flower girl so one of Atlanta’s friends’ daughters is going to do it instead! Alan and Scott are both taking their jobs as ushers very seriously and are studying the guest list to ensure that they are familiar with everyone invited. John is the obvious choice for the ring bearer, as he is reliable and unlikely to lose the rings before the ceremony. 

The nerves Gordon felt dying away are now back in full force and there are butterflies tapdancing in his stomach. The worst-case scenarios are bouncing around his brain like beachballs. One of them accidentally revealing their big secret, Atlanta changing her mind at the last minute and leaving him alone and broken hearted, even if she does show up, he might throw up on her he is that nervous or pass out. 

“You okay?” Grandma asks him. They are both sitting in the lounge of the church just off the main chapel. 

“Sure” Gordon replies, not as confident as he was just a few hours ago.

“You haven’t told them have you?” She asks.

“Told them? Of course I haven’t. How do you even know?” Gordon asks incredulous that she has already figured out their secret. 

“A grandma always knows” She tells him kindly. 

“We decided to leave it until after, so it doesn’t overshadow our wedding” Gordon tells her. “And Atlanta has said that once her girdle is in place you can’t even tell. We don’t want anyone to think that it was the only reason we got married, but I swear we agreed to get married before we found out” 

“No one would think that, you announced you were getting engaged a year ago Gordy. And I may be old, but I know how human biology works!” Grandma reassures him. 

Gordon manages a smile, “I can’t believe I am getting sex ed from my own grandmother, and it’s not awkward!” 

“Hush you and go and see if there is anything you can help your brothers with.” Grandma tells him. 

“Fine, is there anything I can get you?” he asks, smiling. She is going to be the best Great-Grandmother. 

“A glass of water would be lovely Gordon” She replies smiling. 

*TB*

Five minutes before the ceremony is to officially start the church is crowded with the friends of both the bride and the groom, the only thing missing is the bride. But Gordon isn’t worried, it is tradition for the bride to be late! He is standing up at the altar with Virgil and Paul who are both laughing and joking together. 

“Relax Gords. She will be here, there are still five minutes to go” Virgil reassures him.

“Four and one quarter minutes Virgil and I am NOT nervous!” He fires back determined to keep a level head. 

“Your palms are all sweaty, look” Virgil replies.

“Yeah and your mascara is running!” Paul tells him.

“I am not wearing mascara!” Gordon replies indignantly. 

“At least he put his underpants on under his trousers” Virgil tells him.

“If he remembered to put them on at all!” Paul carries on. 

“GUYS!” Gordon cries in horror.

They are stopped from teasing him by Scott who pop up from behind the curtain hiding the secret door. “They’re here” he announces.

“They can’t be, they aren’t due for another two minutes, Scott tell them to go away again!” Gordon tells him desperately. 

“No, Gordon calm down. We know you are nervous, but everything is under control. Trust big brother Scott.” Scott tells him in his calm, big brother knows best voice.

“Okay, I am calm. Thinking of the magical place in ten minutes time when all of this is over, and we are at the reception and I am getting drunk! Oh I knew we should have eloped on a beach in Mexico. What was I thinking?!” Gordon replies.

Virgil wishes he had chosen to play the wedding march, not that he doesn’t love standing here giving away his brother but being able to hide away behind a large musical instrument sounds like heaven right now. and looking over at Gordon he realises that is exactly what he wants, his Squid brother didn’t look this nervous before his Olympic gold medal winning race. 

“You okay?” He whispers into his ear.

“Yeah, I really want to get married Virg, just not in front of thousands of people” Gordon whispers back.

“You’ll be fine, just imagine them all naked and you won’t feel any embarrassment” Virgil tells him.

“Ugh Virg!” Gordon giggles.

“See, better already!” Virgil replies smiling.

The main doors swing open to reveal the bride, and suddenly it doesn’t matter how many people are in the room, Gordon only has eyes for one. They are on their beach in Mexico, just the two of them like he always wanted. Looking into her deep brown eyes, he can sense the same nervous fear in her heart that is in his. Getting married in from of a room full of people isn’t her idea of a good time either! 

The dress she is wearing belonged to her mother, who died several years before. It is a simple white gown, with iridescent beading along the bodice, and a veil trailing back down the aisle, and she has never looked more perfect.

Paul takes them through their vows, both agreeing to stick to the traditional vows rather than writing their own. The ceremony is all over before they even realise, and Gordon cannot believe he ever felt that nervous, as he kisses his new bride, Mrs Gordon Tracy, and together they walk out of the church arm in arm, both happier than they have ever been before. 

Gordon may have agreed to have the wedding in church, but the reception is on the beach and a barbecue Is in full swing when they arrive. California is Gordons favourite place in the world. He knows back home in Kansas there is no way an outdoor party would be possible in December, and he wouldn’t swap life in this climate for anything! 

The section of the beach has been closed of especially for their reception, and no one who is not on the guest list has a hope of getting in. Approaching security, Gordon finds out that this means him and Atlanta too. When Virgil was organising the party, he figured that the bride and groom would automatically be allowed in! 

Rolling his eyes Gordon calls his brother. 

“Hey Gords! Where are you?” Virgil asks upon answering.

“Outside, you forgot to add Atlanta and I to the guest list!”

“Oops! Stay there and I will come and get you” Virgil replies laughing and hanging up the phone.

Gordon isn’t angry, he is in far too good a mood to get angry.

“Stanley my main man, can I call you Stanley?” Virgil asks the security guard once he has arrived.

“No you may not” He replies sternly.

“Why not?” Virgil replies.

“Because my name is Shaun!” 

“Oh, that makes sense, be a good dear and let the bride and groom into their own party, I didn’t think I needed to add them to the list when I organised it!” Virgil tells him.

“If you are sure they are meant to be here.” Shaun asks, clearly sceptical.

“Of course they are meant to be here, what do you think they did steal a wedding gown and show up pretending that they are the bride and groom?” Virgil asks.

“No, of course not. In you go guys and I am sorry for the confusion” Shaun says turning his attention to Gordon and Atlanta. 

“Don’t worry about it Sebastian” Gordon calls back over his shoulder grinning.

“IT’S SHAUN!” 

Despite his vow to get really drunk, Gordon realises that he doesn’t need too, the atmosphere at the party is enough to give him the same buzz a litre of vodka would, and he finds himself sticking to just a couple of beers before joining Atlanta in virgin cocktails. 

They are snuggled on a rock together, looking out over the sea as the sun dips beneath the shore, a blanket draped across their legs. Atlanta has her head rested on his shoulder, and neither of them need to speak as they sit together and watch the sunset. The sky a brilliant shade of scarlet slowly fading into a clear blanket of stars.

The party is starting to move indoors now as it is starting to get chilly. This is the most perfect ending to the most perfect day, and the best way to start the rest of their lives.

*TB*

Twenty four hours later, In a log cabin on the other side of the world, Jefferson Tracy is reading the story of his son’s wedding with a tear glistening in his eye. He knows he made a mess of raising his boys and more than ever he wishes that he could go back in time and fix everything. 

“Are you okay Mr Tracy?” Tintin asks bringing him a fresh pot of coffee. The months he has lived with them have seen a softening of the rude and arrogant tyrant who crash landed in their jungle. He is no longer the terrifying dominatrix of before. 

“I am fine Tintin, thanks for asking” He replies politely, her father Kyrano has made it perfectly clear that he won’t accept rudeness from his guest, and Jeff likes not being in charge all of the time. 

“I will be outside if you need anything further Mr Tracy” she tells him backing out of the room. She noticed the difference in him when they bought him news that Scott has taken over his company and he is no longer acting CEO of his own company. She knows that reading his own obituary could not have been an easy task, and now one of his children has gotten married without him there. Tintin loves her father more than anything in the world and couldn’t imagine ever getting married without him with her every step of the way. 

Jeff clips the article from the paper and adds it to his ever-growing collection of photos and articles he has been able to gather. The photo of Gordon with Scott, Virgil, John and Alan makes him cry harder. Despite everything he put those boys through they have survived it all. 

He has photos from events attended by Scott, races won by Alan, and the wedding. Until now he has not been able to get anything from Virgil or John but he greedily pursues the article and discovers that John is following in his footsteps and going into space and his heart bursts with a mix of pride and regret at missing out on all of this.

But he knows he made his choice, and he knows that he cannot go back. He pours himself another mug of coffee, and relaxes back into his chair, allowing the tears to flow freely down his face as it sinks in just what he has lost.


	15. The honeymoon is over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> following a honeymoon in paradise, Gordon and Atlanta return to real life.

Gordon and Atlanta make the joint decision to tell his brothers that they are going to be uncles. Gordon is still only twenty years old, but he has everything he ever wanted. A real father in Commander Shore, the best brothers anyone can ask for, a Grandmother who only wants him to be happy but most importantly he is married to his best friend. He is determined to be a real father to his baby, one that is nothing but kind and understanding. 

The newly weds have just returned from their honeymoon, jet-lagged and exhausted neither bother to get undressed before they collapse onto the top of their bed. 

Atlanta is the first one awake, groaning as she glances at the digital clock on the bedside table which is advising her that it is two in the afternoon. Gordon is still asleep, his head leaning up against her shoulder, happily snoring.

Slipping out of the bed, yawning heavily, Atlanta wanders aimlessly down the stairs. To find Scott and Paul sitting at her kitchen table, helping themselves to her coffee supplies. “What are you doing here?” Paul asks in surprise.

“I live here! What are you doing here?” Atlanta fires back. “And make me a coffee” 

“Feeding Tornado and watering your plants” Paul reminds her, “I didn’t think you were back until tomorrow” 

“Looks like you’re doing a good job watering yourselves!” Atlanta says, sitting down on one of the empty chairs. The small black and white cat jumps up onto her lap and she absently scratches his ears. 

“You did say to make ourselves at home” Scott reminds her, placing his feet on the table. 

“Why are you still in California Scott?” she asks, not even bothering telling him to get his feet down, with four brothers in law you have to choose your battles wisely! 

“We are setting up a California office, I am selling the farm and moving up here. We need a fresh start and I want to be closer to Gordon. That and it doesn’t snow here, have you been to Kansas in January before? It is bleak and depressing. This is the life I deserve!” Scott tells her with a smile. “And besides, I had to stop Paul here from burning down the house.” 

“Don’t listen to him!” Paul protests, throwing a cushion at Scott. 

“Hey, I wasn’t the one who tried to microwave a metal fork!” Scott reminds him. 

“I am never leaving home again” Atlanta gives them a facepalm, groaning loudly.

“Where is Gordon?” Scott asks, changing the subject from Pauls cooking skills to save him further embarrassment.

“Still asleep” Atlanta replies. 

“Ooh I will go and wake him” Paul volunteers grinning evilly. 

“Don’t even think about it, he needs to rest” Atlanta replies, glaring at Paul through her slightly open fingers. 

“Fine, let me. I am his big brother, therefor annoying him is my job” Scott insists getting up. 

“NO!” Atlanta demands. “You wake him up and I will throw you both in the pool!” 

“I am up anyway” A voice calls out from the doorway. “Where is the coffee?” he asks Scott, while pushing him off the seat so he can sit down. 

“HEY!” Scott exclaims. 

“My house, my rules. If you don’t like it Scotty, you can rent your own apartment!” Gordon reminds him.

“Fine, I will make you a coffee” Scott replies giving in easily. “Now I have finally figured out how to use this blasted thing” 

“It isn’t that hard Scott” Gordon tells him.

“Yeah right, it took you three hours and four YouTube tutorials before you figured it out” Atlanta reminds him smiling fondly at the look of indignation on his face. “Where are Virgil, Alan and John?” 

“Virgil is in Texas building a shopping mall, John is about to leave for the international space station and last I heard Alan was in Monaco looking for a European base for next season” Scott replies. 

“What about college?” Gordon asks. 

“He would rather be an internationally famous racing superstar” Scott tells him, looking disgusted and proud at the same time.

“Don’t blame him, I would have done the same in his position.” Gordon replies, “we need to have a video chat soon, I have something I need to tell you all” looking over at Atlanta smiling.

“You are getting divorced and running away with Paul?” Scott asks. 

“No!” Gordon replies.

“You are leaving W.A.S.P and becoming a drag queen?” Paul asks.

“N… Actually that sounds like fun. Maybe I should consider that as my next career” Gordon replies.

“I give up. Gordon, Scott gather your reprobate siblings within the hour I am going to take a shower and get dressed” Atlanta tells her husband and brother in law.

Gordon who is still wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and no intentions of anything else nods before downing the rest of his coffee. “Not bad Scott, could be stronger next time though” 

“Next time?” Scott asks. “I am not your own personal maid Gords” 

“No, you’re living in my house rent free though. The least you can do is make me the occasional coffee!” Gordon reminds him.

“And you could put a shirt and some jeans on” Scott tells him.

“My house my rules!” Gordon reminds him. 

“I might go and sleep in the pool house” Scott tells him laughing. 

*TB*

Gordon consents to getting dressed for their scheduled video chat, pulling on a clean shirt and pair of jeans before downing his fifth coffee of the day and gathering at the table with Scott and Atlanta. Tornado is sitting on the table, while Gordon strokes her fur, nuzzling into his hand. 

Alan looks exhausted when his face appears on the video screen, his hair is sticking up and dishevelled, and his face is wrinkled from the lines on his pillow.

“Are we keeping you up?” Scott asks, disapproval etched into his face, as Alan is clearly enjoying his freedom with non-stop partying.

“Scott I am nine hours in front of you. It maybe eight o’clock in the evening for you but it is six in the morning here!” Alan reminds him. “The last party I went to was Gordons wedding reception, I don’t have the time to party. I am studying remotely during the off season.” 

“Studying?” Scott asks smirking. “That’s a new name for it!” 

“Grow up, or I am not inviting you to my graduation!” Alan replies. 

“Okay fine, I will be good” Scott assures him. “Why did you call this meeting Gords? Because I am fairly sure it wasn’t so I can pick on our younger brother!” 

“No it wasn’t. That is just a delightful bonus. No I wanted you all together in the same room, well video chat to let you know that in five months time you are all going to be uncles” Gordon tells them, before settling back against the chair to watch their reactions. 

“You’re pregnant?” Alan asks Gordon in surprise. 

“No, Atlanta is pregnant you idiot” Gordon replies laughing. 

“I knew that” Alan replies poking his tongue out. “I was going to add that you don’t look very pregnant!” 

“Thanks Allie. I think!” Gordon replies still laughing. 

“Congratulations guys” Virgil tells them smiling. 

“Yeah congratulations” John adds.

“You are going to be a great father Gords” Scott tells him. 

“You think?” Gordon asks, he can’t help feeling nervous, his own father was a bitter disappointment, and he is terrified of following in his footsteps.

“Absolutely, and besides, you have us to help” Scott reminds him. He may tease his brothers relentlessly, but he loves them more than anything in the world. Gordon has never failed at anything in his life, and there is no way he is about to let him fail at this. “I can teach you how to change diapers, I changed Alans often enough” 

“I didn’t wear diapers” Alan insists.

“Of course not, you walked out of the womb, toilet trained and fluent in four languages” Gordon tells him laughing. 

“I did!” Alan replies. But even he is laughing now. “What are your plans now your farming project is finished?” 

Gordon grins happily, “Well little brother I am going to start testing the new hydrofoils. These babies make your race car look like a snail. I have been working on some new underwater breathing apparatus too, that is going to be patented so I will earn even more than you do from partying. I mean racing.” 

“I don’t party!” Alan replies. “How fast do these fancy-pants boats go anyway?” he asks, determined to keep the conversation away from his lifestyle. 

“They can get up to 700 knots, we are taking them out onto the Pacific Ocean as we need the room to get them up to top speed” Gordon replies. His enthusiasm for the project growing by the minute.

“700 knots, what is that in non-boat geek?” Alan asks.

“805 mph roughly” Gordon tells him. 

“You are not doing 800 miles an hour on some flimsy boat!” Scott tells him interrupting, “That is suicide!” 

“Scott don’t panic, we aren’t even planning on doing that kind of speed with a crew on board, I am captaining this mission Scott. Safety is my number one priority” Gordon reminds him. 

“See that you don’t” Scott tells him sternly. 

Virgil, ever the family peacemaker decides the only way to avoid Scott getting into full smother brother mode is to change the subject. “John, when are you leaving for the space station?” 

Johns face lights up with delight. Any excuse to talk about space and he is happy. “Next Monday, for six months. I will miss the birth of your baby Gords, but you naming it after me will more than make up for it!” 

“Sure, we are having a girl!” Gordon tells him.

“Actually we are having one of each” Atlanta tells him interrupting for the first time.

Gordon spits his coffee out in shock. “Twins?! When did you find that out?” 

“This afternoon at the scan, remember the doctor said there were two definite heartbeats” Atlanta reminds him.

“I thought that meant yours and the babies!” Gordon replies. 

“No sweetie, my heart is nowhere near my womb! You were at the scan remember?” She asks him. 

“Yeah but I was jet-lagged and sleep deprived!” Gordon reminds her. “So we are naming our daughter John, but what about our son?” 

“I am not naming my precious baby girl John!” Atlanta tells him, smacking him lightly with the scan photos.

“Sorry John, I tried!” Gordon tells him. 

“Do we have any other news, or can I go back to bed?” Alan asks.

“Actually…” Scott starts nervously, twisting his hands in his lap.

“Yes” Virgil prompts.

“Iboughtusanislandandiwantostartarescuebusiness” Scott mutters without taking a breath.

“Use your words. Speak clearly and enunciate” John tells him.

“Exactly. Say it with me Scotty. Wingardium Leviosa” Gordon chimes in.

“Shut up you dork!” Scott tells Gordon fondly, laughing. “Okay, so as you know I have taken over the business and I am running the company now” he starts. Stopping to see the reaction from his brothers, and they are all giving him his undivided attention – for once!

“I have bought us an island, and I have hired an engineer to help with a new project. I want to start a rescue business, and I want us all to be involved.” 

Now he definitely has their interest, so he is happy to continue. “Think about it, dad made billions of dollars and never once lifted a finger to help anyone else. This is our chance to give back to the whole world. Brains, my engineer and project leader has designed the most amazing craft. Including a submarine for underwater rescues, a spaceship capable of going into deep space, a large cargo plane and a small jet which can reach speeds of 15,000 miles an hour and anywhere in the world in less than two hours. And a space station which will pick up distress calls to be relayed to earth.” 

There is a stunned silence in response. Before they all start talking at once. 

“What about my racing?” Alan. 

“I am building a shopping mall” Virgil.

“I am in space for the next six months” John

“We are having babies” Gordon.

“John, you can have your own space station” Scott reminds him.

“Sold!” John replies.

“You can keep building the mall Virg, we won’t be ready to start operating for about twelve months and none of this is mandatory, I am not going to disinherit you if you don’t want to join us” Scott tells Virgil. The last thing he wanted his brothers to feel was that this is a forced life decision. 

“Can I think about it?” Virgil replies. 

“Of course. Alan, Brains is working on a prototype engine and he needs someone willing to test it” 

Alan too is sold, a racing car is the only thing he needs to be happy!

“Gords, you can bring the family! You can even bring commander Shore, I was hoping that he would agree to come with us, and help with the organisation, I was going to speak to him in a few weeks once I had some more of the details worked out” Scott reassures him. 

“It sounds great Scott” Gordon tells him sincerely. Having spent time with W.A.S.P he knows that there is so much more the world can do before it is a safe environment for everyone, and he can’t wait to get stuck in. “Can I use the submarine for research?” 

“As long as you don’t crash It and are available when you’re needed then fine. Just think, your own personal submarine” Scott tells him, knowing that he has Gordon sold on the idea already. 

“Can we take a trip to the Island to check it out?” Virgil asks, he is already coming round to the idea, and the thought of doing something so worthwhile with his life apart from build shopping malls.

“Of course we can. Why don’t we all go next weekend? We can go through the plans, and yes Gordon there will be a pool!” 

They wrap the call up shortly after, and Alan goes straight back to bed! 

*TB*

“So we aren’t having a baby, we are having two?!” Gordon confirms once they are alone. 

They are lying on one of the deck chairs near the pool, Scott has long since disappeared for the nightclub down the road, and despite it being mid-winter it is warm enough to be outside still.

“We are. If I had known you were so tired this afternoon, I would have rearranged the appointment” Atlanta tells him, looking over at her husband.

“Yeah sorry about that, I can’t even remember the name of the doctor!” Gordon tells her apologetically.

“It’s fine, you had a really long day remember. Just think this time yesterday you were still surfing in Hawaii” Atlanta reminds him.

“I know, this doesn’t seem real yet, I am tempted to get back on the plane!” Gordon tells her. “Leave this world behind and start our own.” 

“I think that is what your brother is trying to do.” Atlanta tells him.

“I can’t say I blame him, I wonder what this Island of his is like” Gordon asks, as they continue to sit, relaxing and watching the waves crash against the ocean floor content to just enjoy each other’s company. 

*TB*

The island is everything Scott promised them, a rock sticking out of the Pacific Ocean about an hour away from New Zealand. 

The main guest house has rooms for everyone, including what Scott hopes will be the nursery. A bright, airy room painted in a sunny yellow with a wallpaper border of ducklings around the ceiling. There are wall to floor windows on the East side, so the twins will wake to bright sunshine every morning. The furniture is all custom built and painted in a clean white colour. 

“What do you think?” Scott asks hopefully, as he is desperate to get all of his family back living under one roof.

“It is beautiful” Atlanta assures him. The whole island has a peaceful and tranquil feeling to it and would make a perfect home. 

Scott gives them a tour of the underground facilities, and the hangars where the thunderbirds will reside. Brains is every bit the genius that Scott claimed, and has an impressive attention to detail and safety. There is even a dock with a boat, for fishing trips and a runway for access via air. 

Even Virgil is impressed, and is drawn to the plans for the giant transporter craft. “Hey Scott, can we paint it green?” he asks.

“Does this mean you are in?” Scott asks.

“Yeah. I am in” Virgil replies smiling. “What are we going to call this organisation?” 

“I was thinking Gordon and his entourage save the world” Gordon replies.

“That’s a good idea, get all the awful ideas out of the way first!” Alan replies.

“Well do you have anything better?” Gordon asks.

“How about International Rescue?” Commander Shore asks. 

“Much better” Scott replies smiling. 

Grandma is happy to live out her retirement years looking after her grandsons and great grand children in a tropical paradise. Cooking them up a dish of their favourite lasagne they gather in the kitchen for their first island family dinner. 

“These tests you are starting next week Gordo. You promise me that you will stay safe?” Scott asks.

“Scott, it is perfectly safe, trust me” Gordon replies smiling. “I have spent hours on the simulators, and we have remotely tested the crafts. They have been put through thousands of miles in testing. And we are not even going to go close to maximum speed.” 

“Who else is doing the tests?” Scott asks, despite Gordons confidence he is terrified that something will go wrong. 

“The boat crew is Paul and I, and there are marshalling posts all along the route.” Gordon tells him. Nothing will go wrong Scott, we have everything under control.”


	16. Testing Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Pauls big day has arrived, and they know that they have everything under control.

Waking up in the five star hotel in Hawaii, Gordon yawns sleepily as he turns towards the window for a weather check. Atlanta is still on the Island, having decided to stay and help Scott with the finishing touches to the interiors. Smiling out at the calm blue ocean that stretches for miles in front of him. Even though it is only eight oclock in the morning there is not a cloud in the sky and it looks perfect out there for the Hydrofoil tests. 

He is already in the shower, singing love songs from the nineteen eighties as the warm water beats down on his freshly shampooed hair. He curses loudly when there is a knock on the door, wondering if he ignores it for long enough then they will go away. But they continue to pound away and whoever it is is determined to get his attention. 

Switching the water off and grabbing a towel which he quickly wraps around his hips he wrenches the door open, as Paul runs in laughing. 

“HIDE ME!” He shouts, diving for the cover of his best friends desk.

“What have you done?” Gordon asks, trying to sound annoyed.

“Nothing, if anyone asks I have been here for hours” Paul replies breathlessly.

“I am not being an alibi without knowing why!” Gordon replies, trying to keep his voice stern but wanting to burst out into laughter at the scene in front of him.

There is another knock on his door. Looking down under the desk, Gordon grins at his friend. “Looks like we are going to find out what nothing is!” 

Commander Shore is sitting on the other side of the threshold, his face is red with anger. “Where is he Gordon, he was seen heading in this direction.”

“Who?” Gordon asks feigning ignorance.

You know who Tracy, I can see his feet sticking out from under the desk!” Commander Shore replies. 

“I think he knows you're here Paul” Gordon tells his friend. “What did he do, he won’t tell me?!”

“One of your old tricks Mr Tracy, organised a wake up call to everyone's rooms at four-thirty in the morning!” Commander Shore rages. “THIS IS NOT FUNNY!” he rages as Gordon and Paul both break into hysterical laughter. 

“I want you both fully dressed and presentable and in my office in ten minutes” he barks at the two men. Before reversing back out of the room and slamming the door closed. 

“Why didn’t you do my room too?” Gordon asks.

“You were asleep and it would have been cruel. You are my best friend” Paul tells him, wriggling out from under the desk and climbing up onto his feet.

“Go and get dressed, I will meet you in Shores office. He isn't really angry, he's just nervous about the tests.” Gordon insists. Closing the door behind him and focusing on his own outfit. Realising that his hair is still covered in shampoo, and it is making him shiver slightly from cold. Over two years of W.A.S.P service and eighteen more of fighting his brothers for the bathroom, Gordon is an expert of getting ready in minutes, and finds himself waiting for Paul outside of Commander Shores makeshift office within the hotel.

Paul makes it with seconds to spare still buttoning his shirt. “Phew made it!” he gasps laughing. 

“Come on, let’s get this over with.” Gordon tells him, knocking on the door.

“Come in,” Shore calls from the other side. 

Paul, knowing that this is his fault, opens the door, before the two walk towards their fate. 

“What am I going to do with you two?” Shore asks in exasperation. 

“Gordon is innocent Sir” Paul tells him, determined not to let his partner in crime get punished for something that is not his fault. 

“Innocent? Gordon Tracy will never be innocent!” Shore replies, spitting his coffee out in shock. “But for the rest of the exercise I will be waking you both up personally at three-thirty in the morning! Now both of you get out of here and get some breakfast, you have a long day ahead of you, and if I hear of either of you causing any more trouble I will have you both removed from the programme and you will not be allowed to test the Hydrofoils!” 

Not stopping to argue Gordon and Paul flee the office, making sure they are well out of ear shot before they start to laugh. 

“That could have been a lot worse, I was sure he was going to ban us from the tests. Did you see his face?” Paul says as they sit down for their breakfast. Filling their plates with eggs and bacon before finishing off with copious amounts of coffee. 

“That would be the worst thing ever!” Gordon replies, “We have both worked so hard for this. The hydrofoil tests are going to be so much fun.” 

*TB*

The boat is only just big enough for its two crew members to sit in comfortably, Gordon at the controls. Spinning the steering wheel as fast as he can, feeling the wind rush through his hair laughing as the boat turns at his slightest touch.

“Stop playing with it and concentrate, or we will never be allowed to go out onto the open water” Paul tells him laughing and poking him in the back of the head. 

“Okay fine. I have completed the final checks on my end, and everything looks good. The engine breaks working perfectly. We are just waiting for the green light and we are good to go” Gordon tells Paul before adding “I have everything under control. You just have to trust me” 

“I trust you with my life Gordon” Paul replies smiling. “Look, green light! Let’s go” 

Gordon guns the engine, and the hydrofoil starts to move, comfortably moving up to sixty miles an hour in mere seconds, as they move out to open water. 

The course has been carefully chartered and as Gordon told Scott there are marshals lining the course every few hundred feet. Gordon doesn’t even get the opportunity to wave to them as the boat continues to pick up speed. 

At these speeds, there is a wide turning circle, and Gordon takes the first bend easily, slowing down on entrance with a gentle squeeze on the brakes, just kissing the apex of the corner before accelerating away. “ALAN COULDN’T HAVE TAKEN THAT BETTER IN HIS RACE CAR!” Paul shouts over to him, but his voice is lost on the wind and doesn't even travel to Gordons ears.

The four hundred mile trip is completed in less than thirty minutes. Slowing the boat to a stop, Paul presses the release for the air brake, which they need in addition to the engine brake to stop in time. 

“GORDON IT ISN’T SLOWING DOWN FAST ENOUGH” Pauls voice has flipped from jovial to terror, knowing that something has gone wrong and he has no idea how to fix it. The air brake pre test check was his responsibility.

Gordon tries applying the override from his control panel, and even though it activates the brake, they both know that it is too late to bail out.

They are going to crash. 

The stress from the brakes being applied with maximum pressure is causing the boat to break apart, the wooden planks splinter, and the engine bursts into flames which shoot ten feet in the air. The last thing Gordon remembers is being thrown from the craft and his body hitting the water with enough force to knock him unconscious. An explosion rips the last remnants of the broken boat part causing debris to rain down on him like hailstones, a large flaming metal panel strikes his lower back with so much force he is dragged below the surface.

*TB*

Coming round Gordon is still in the water, the airbag built into suit is the only thing keeping him above service level. His whole body is screaming bloody murder at him. He can see the remains of the boat about a hundred metres away, still on fire. He has no idea what happened, but there is a nagging sensation at the back of his head, telling him that there was someone else out here with him, but he can’t see anyone. 

Starting to struggle to remain afloat, as the airbag surrounding him is starting to deflate, Gordon tries to get to a large chunk of drifting steel, hoping that if he can climb up onto it he will be safe. His instinct to survive drives through the pain he is feeling, as he treads water to get to safety. The muscles in his legs don’t work anymore, but he forces himself to move through the water. 

He is desperately gripping on to the one thing stopping him from drowning, and it is hurting every fibre of his being. 

There is a distant call of “THERE” and “HE IS STILL ALIVE” before he feels hands on his back. Strangers hands, wanting to shout at them to leave him alone, and that being touched hurts, but his throat is raw with smoke from the nearby flames and his protests fade to whimpers. 

“Come on Kid, let’s get you out of here” The voice is distant, and scared despite the years of training he has received for these situations, and he has no idea if this is Paul or Gordon as the suits are damaged beyond repair.

“Grodorn” Gordon mumbles, trying to give them his name, but it comes out unintelligible. 

More hands, more words. Gordon can’t stand it anymore, he can’t stay awake anymore. 

Losing consciousness once more as he is slowly moved from his liferaft and onto a rescue boat. 

He has no idea who it is that is saving his life, but the hands holding onto his left arm feel strange, not like human hands at all. Trying to force his eyes open doesn’t work, and the longer he lies here the more aware of the pain he becomes. Apart from his legs. 

Gordon can’t feel his legs.

*TB*

Back on the Hawaiian shore, there is no sign of a panic, still unaware that anything has gone wrong. Commander Shore is laughing at a joke Leutenant Fischer is telling him. “That is the worst joke i have ever heard!” He tells him with a chuckle. 

“Gordon told me it the other day Sir” Fischer tells him.

“What is the joke?” a young W.A.S.P cadet asks, having been invited to watch the tests. 

“What do you call a laughing motorcycle?” Fischer asks.

“No idea?” 

“A Yamahahaha!” 

“That is not funny!” the cadet replies, laughing.

“Yet you are still laughing!” Fischer tells him grinning. “When are they due back Commander?” he asks Shore, getting back to the serious business.

Commander Shore doesn’t reply, his attention being drawn away from them by the radio. His face is now deathly pale as he processes what he is being told. 

“Sir?” Fischer repeats.

“Somethings gone wrong, no one speaks to the media, all press briefings will go through me” is all Commander Shore is able to reply before spinning his hover chair round and heading back to the command room. He should never have left the command room, he could have been able to prevent this from happening. 

“What do you think he meant by that?” the young cadet, who has not even been introduced to Fischer asks.

“I don’t know” he replies apprehensively. 

*TB*

Scott is just about to go to bed, it has been a long day. He knows that Gordon is planning on calling in once he has finished the testing, but he is too tired to wait up any longer. The room he has picked out for himself has never looked so inviting, the king size bed in the centre of the room set on a dias and surrounded by soft velvet curtains. Stripping his clothes off and throwing them neatly into the laundry basket in his bedroom, he pulls on his favourite pyjamas before sinking down into the memory foam mattress and drifting into a happy and peaceful sleep. 

Which he is torn from less than an hour later, by gut wrenching screams coming from the room across the hall. 

Leaping out of bed, throwing the curtains aside, Scott races into his sister in law's bedroom, finding her sobbing in anguish. Commander Shore is on the video phone, his face is heartbroken and full of pity. Pity Scott knows is for everyone and not just his daughter. 

“Sam?” Scott asks, his voice is barely audible and he isn’t even sure he spoke the request for information aloud.

“There was an accident. Your brother has been severely injured and airlifted to our military hospital here in Hawaii for emergency surgery” Commander Shore informs him. His voice is devoid of emotion.

“And Paul?” Scott asks. He hasn’t mentioned him yet and Gordon will need to know his best friend is okay.

“I am sorry Scott, he didn’t make it” Commander Shore breaks down once again. Tears are flowing freely for all three people inhabiting the room, no matter how remotely.

“Tell him we are on our way” Scott tells Commander Shore. He has to get to his brother, he has to be with him no matter what happens, ending the call Scott holds onto Atlanta as she desperately clings to her brother in law.

Scott knows that it is his job to tell his brothers the news.


	17. Jeff Tracy Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Gordon be okay?? And what happens when the news reaches their father?

Alan has been up all night, as per his reputation as the family party boy, but he hasn’t even looked at a beer bottle. 

His Monaco apartment overlooks the harbour, filled with multi million dollar yachts, including one belonging to his favourite wingman. An ex-conman turned chauffeur for the fabulously wealthy Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward. He knows technically the boat belongs to lady Penelope but that’s not what they tell people they meet on a night out! 

But last night he didn’t manage to get any sleep. News of his brothers accident has spread quickly, all across the globe. After that initial call from Scott to let him know that Gordon is now in a desperate struggle to survive he’s not answered a single message or answered a single call. 

Climbing up on to the windowsill in the darkness, the late winter breeze rustling through his hair as he tries to process the earlier conversation. 

Even now, twelve hours into the future, Alan can’t cope with what he is being told. Scott stopped him from jumping on the next plane, telling him instead that he is organising the jet to come and collect him, keeping him away from the public eye. 

Knowing it is almost time for him to head for the airport, he is surprised when the door buzzes, letting him know he has a visitor. Hoping if he ignores them they will get the message and leave him alone, but these hopes are dashed quickly when the buzzing doesn’t cease. 

“Damn damn damn!” Alan exclaims to his empty room. “Alright, I’m coming” he calls impatiently to the door. 

He is surprised to find Parker at the door when he grabs the receiver. “Alan, I am here to give you a lift to the airport. The rolls is far more comfier than any taxi” 

Alan has no idea how to say thank you, even the most basic of manners have slipped his mind. But he is grateful, more grateful than anyone will ever know, as he climbs into the back seat with his luggage. 

The short drive to the small private airport Scott has commandeered for the journey takes place in silence. Which is only broken by Parker swearing at an old blue Renault for getting in his way at a junction. 

Driving directly into the private hanger, Parker helps Alan with his luggage before offering him a hand shake. “Gordon will be okay Alan, I just know it” Parker tells him, it’s an empty gesture and they both know it, there is no way he can come back from the injuries Scott was describing, but Alan appreciates it nonetheless. 

“Call me if you need anything” are the last words Parker speaks to him. Less than fifty words have been exchanged between the two, and none have come from Alan himself. He nods in Parker’s direction before walking up the steps and onto the plane. 

He knows Scott only had his best interests at heart but it’s so lonely on this plane. Only himself and the crew who flash him brief looks of sympathy before going about their own business. 

The weather upon his arrival is a direct contrast to his mood. Bright happy sunshine greets him, as he gathers together his luggage and hops into the waiting taxi. 

His brothers are already at the hospital. Scott standing slightly aloof, his arms folded as he glares blankly at the wall opposite where Virgil is standing. John has only just begun his stint on the international space station, and if he knows his brother like he believes he does, John will never forgive himself for not being here. 

“Any news?” Alan asks nervously, sidling up to Virgil’s side and reaching out for his beg brother. Desperate for human contact. 

“Still in surgery” Scott answers him. “This is all my fault. I should never have let him do this?”

“How is it your fault?!” Virgil asks. “Gordon knew the dangers involved, and he is an adult Scott, there is no way you could have stopped him”

“You have no idea Virgil. He promised me he would be safe. I was stupid enough to believe that promise and now he’s dying. I should have fought harder to stop him.” Scott breaks down into tears and allows himself to be folded into Virgil’s arms, Alan joining in for the cuddle he so desperately needs. 

“None of this is your fault Scotty” Virgil reassures him quietly. 

“Sure doesn’t feel that way right now” Scott replies, he hasn’t pulled out of Virgil’s embrace yet, and the three brothers stand huddled together for several more minutes before Gordon’s surgeon breaks the spell and they pull away. 

“Well?” Alan asks, not a hundred percent politely but the doctor lets it go, the boy looks like he has not slept for days. 

“We have done all we can for now, we will need to make sure he is a lot more stable before we can complete anything further. His left tibia, fibula and ankle are broken, and both the hip and knee were dislocated. His pelvis is also fractured and he has suffered extensive trauma to his lower back. And internal organs” the doctor advises the trio. Not going into extensive details, they don’t need to know that he’s had to have his spleen removed as it was ruptured upon impact, and that he almost died on the table from blood loss. For now it’s enough that he is alive. 

“What are his chances?” Virgil asks, taking over the roll vacated by Scott. 

“Depends. If he makes it through the next forty-eight hours we will know more. But he is in for a rough ride, and he’s going to need as much support as you can give him” 

“Thank you, can we see him?” Virgil asks. 

“One at a time and for two or three minutes only, Gordon needs to rest” 

Virgil bravely goes first. Gordon’s room is dimly lit. Virgil didn’t know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this. 

His brother is lying on his back on top of a pale blue blanket. His leg leg is encased in a metal cage, which pins inserted deeply into the bone in order to keep his leg together. The pins travel all the way down to his ankle and the leg itself is suspended in the centre of the cage. 

His right leg is in a cast, which is also covering his hips and stops just short of his rib cage. 

The heavy sedation is keeping him from waking up, and Virgil is glad for it as the pain would be too much for any one person to handle 

He doesn’t speak to his brother. He doesn’t get close enough to touch him before becoming overwhelmed and fleeing the room in tears. 

Scott does little better on his turn. Seeing him lying so helpless breaks his heart, and he too can’t stay for the whole two minutes he was allocated. Neither Scott or Virgil notice Atlanta, calmly sitting by her husbands bed gazing at his unconscious face, silently praying to anyone listening to save the love of her life, to not let their twins grow up without their father. 

Leaving Alan alone, Scott finds himself hurrying out after Virgil, finding him in the bathroom throwing up. 

“Virg? You okay in here bro?” Scott asks, pushing the door open. 

Virgil wants to lie. He wants to tell Scott that he’s fine, that he can cope. That by now he is so used to the crap his life has thrown at him that it isn’t even a problem anymore. 

But he can’t, Scott is going through the same thing he is. Gordon is their little brother. If they’re going to get through this then they need to stick together. To be honest with each other. 

Virgil leans back against the toilet door, his head resting against the solid wood, his cheeks are streaked with tear stains. Sucking in a deep breath, Virgil tells Scott the truth.

“I can’t keep this up Scott. I have been living a lie for the last three years. It was just a diet at first. Cutting out refined carbs. I thought that maybe, just maybe I could keep my weight from spiralling out control. Now it’s the only thing I know how to do and I can’t. Two days I passed out in the office while going over the plans, when I came round I told everyone it was from exhaustion and heat. Scott it was freezing in that office, I can tell no one believed me. I don’t even believe me. Help me. Scott please” Virgil pleads with his eldest brother. He doesn’t want to die. 

Scott is horrified. He knows that Virgil is underweight, and that he barely eats in his company, but he never thought it had gone this far. Unable to offer any help other than to just hold him and let him cry on his shoulder, Scott vows to do just as he’s asked. He’s going to get help for Virgil. 

*TB*

Jefferson Tracy is distraught by the news bought to him on the small television set in the hut he has recently finished building. 

Gordon. His fourth son, the trouble making prankster who gave him so many grey hairs he lost count. Being described as an orphan, realising that it is accurate. Jefferson Tracy does not deserve to call himself this boys father. 

Images from Gordon’s childhood flash before his eyes. The week after he was born, still so fragile and able to fit into the palm of his hand. 

Eighteen months old being smacked across his diapered bottom for throwing a tantrum in the supermarket because he wouldn’t allow him to climb the freshly stacked pyramid tins. 

Seven years old, and being awarded a certificate for his diving. Up on the stage with children twice his age smiling out at his audience, with no front teeth. 

Ten years old and lying in the hospital having undergone emergency lung surgery. 

Twelve years old and being whipped across his bare shoulders with the belt for breaking into the neighbours chicken coop and releasing their chickens while their cranky old neighbour stood watching and jeering. 

Sixteen years old and standing on a podium about to receive a gold medal at the olympics. 

Seventeen years old and telling him that he wasn’t going to college. He was going to do some good in the world. 

Why hadn’t Jeff listened to him then? Why did he think it was such a disgrace to have a child determined to help save the world? 

Realising that he was never there for Gordon, or Scott, or Virgil, or John and especially not Alan, Jeff finds himself throwing his clothes into a battered old canvas bag. He doesn’t own much anymore, having chosen this simple life in the village. But he can’t stay here anymore. Not while Gordon is going through this. 

Packed and ready to leave, Jeff goes to find Kyrano. The man responsible for turning him into a kinder and more compassionate man. He is over at the village school house with his daughter going over lesson plans for the children. 

“Kyrano I have to go home. Now” Jeff tells him. The cold hearted abrupt businessman persona he perfected over the years firmly back in place. 

“Is everything okay Mr Tracy?” Tintin asks. She is able to perceive the changes in him, this is a man on edge, a desperate man who will do anything to get home. 

“Gordon. My son.” It is all that Jeff can manage before he chokes on his tears. He didn’t cry when Lucile died, he didn’t cry when his own father died. But right here. Right now. He is a man in great pain, one who knows that the only person responsible for what’s happened in his life is himself. 

Tintin realises that Jeff has never mentioned Gordon’s name out-loud once In the many months that she has known him. “What’s happened Mr Tracy? Sit down, I will fetch us some coffee” 

Jeff, unused, even now, to following orders doesn’t sit. Instead he stares around at the work on the walls. Students art and science projects. Colourful multiplication tables and poems they have written. He could have enjoyed all of this with his own boys. Instead he banned Virgil from painting and the piano. Telling his second born that he would slam the lid closed on his fingers if he caught him. Jeff knows he’s been the worlds worst father. Picturing their individual “punishment books” Jeff flinches at the memory. These boys aren’t going to forgive him. In their position he wouldn’t be forgiving. 

Tintin arrives back in the room, holding out a mug of strong black coffee, steam rising up out of the top. 

Standing next to him, she waits for him to open up. Knowing that pushing him isn’t going to work, he needs to do this in his own time. 

Jeff slowly starts to sip the coffee, blowing on it, trying to cool it down. “My son has been in an accident. I need to get to Hawaii” Jeff tells her. 

Tintin doesn’t ask questions. Silently she leads him out to the truck. The same battered old truck with no air conditioning that is one of the few vehicles available. 

Jeff knows he should be thanking both her and Kyrano for saving his life, and one day he hopes to do just that. But as he is driven away from the village, words escape him once more, and he finds himself unable to speak. 

The driver is a man he doesn’t know by name, and there is an unspoken agreement between the pair to keep quiet. Jeff doesn’t need the conversation right now. He doesn’t need to hear anything but his own disgruntled and terrified thoughts. 

He doesn’t know it until he arrives at the airport but Kyrano has packed his passport into the bag and organised the flight home for him. There is barely enough time for him to appreciate the efficiency of the man who managed to accomplish so much with so little before he is whisked onto the plane and he’s finally going home. 

Jefferson Grant Tracy is going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will the boys ever find a way to forgive their father?! Let me know what you think!


	18. Never Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeffs return is about to be made known to his boys, how will they take it?

He can hear someone calling his name. A female voice he thinks he recognises, but it is so warm and comfortable here he doesn’t want to wake up ever again. 

Only the voice doesn’t stop, and it is such a friendly, loving voice that maybe he should find out what it is they want. 

Waking up Gordon can’t feel any pain. The room he wakes in is has been painted with plain white walls, and apart from his bed there is no other furniture. The bed is soft and he can feel his body sinking into the cloud like mattress. 

Throwing the blanket off, Gordon climbs of the bed and onto his feet. “Where am I?” he says aloud to the seemingly empty room. Where is that voice coming from?

“Gordon?” the voice tries again, spinning round to confront the person who has disturbed his slumber Gordons heart soars at the sight.

“Mom?” he asks. Something deep inside breaks, and he throws himself into her loving arms and starts to cry. “I never sold the jewellery I took when I ran away” he confesses.

Lucille holds her precious fourth child. The one who has been through so much pain in his short life. Drinking in the scent of him as they stand entwined for several long minutes, until Gordon feels able to pull away. “You know I never cared about any of that, I just wanted to keep you safe. Losing you broke my heart Gordon, and you have no idea how happy I was when you boys reunited. I have been watching you for a long time sweetheart.” 

“Am I dead?” he asks her, his voice only just audible in the plain and silent room.

His mom doesn’t answer him, the selfish side of her wants to take him with her, and never give him back. She wants this moment to last forever. 

“Mom?” he queries again. 

“No. You aren’t dead” she confirms. Cupping his face in the left hand her eyes don’t drop from his. 

“But…?” Gordon starts allowing his voice to trail off.

“You don’t have to go back. You can come with me” Lucile confirms, and together they walk from the room.

*TB*

Lucile guides him to the hospital where he Is being treated for his injuries. Holding him when he lets out a gasp of shock at the sight of his mangled body lying on the bed. Atlanta is still sitting next to her husband, having refused to leave his side since he got out of surgery. Her eyes are red, a stark contrast against her dead white skin and there are bags under both of her eyes, and she clearly hasn’t slept for days.

Scott is in the other chair, but the room is silent apart from the steady beating of the monitor above Gordons head. Scott has his head in his hands, and Gordon can’t tell if he is asleep or not. 

The deathly silence doesn’t last long, as Virgil pushes open the door holding three Styrofoam cups filled with steaming coffee. 

“Scott?” Virgil asks, his voice calm and gentle. His eldest brother looks up, and the look of exhaustion on Atlantas face is mirrored on the eldest brothers face. Accepting the coffee from Virgil, Scott just holds the cup for several long and silent minutes staring into the black depths of the drink thinking. 

“Where is Alan?” Scott finally speaks.

“I sent him back to the hotel for a shower. Which is where you are going as soon he is back” Virgil replies sipping the still too hot drink. “Ugh, that is disgusting!” is his verdict on the drink.

“Burned the beans again?” Scott asks, equally disgusted by his own drink. 

“Yep, and don’t ignore me, you need a shower” Virgil says, his face set and stern.

“I am not leaving until I know he is going to be okay.” Scott snaps back, before pouring what is left of the coffee into the nearest plant pot with a grimace. 

“Yes you are, you stink!” Virgil informs him. “Gordon is supposed to be resting, but if you don’t shower soon Scott your smell will bring him round!” 

“Okay, fine I will go and take a shower if it makes you happy!” Scott tells him, not wanting an argument.

“Thank you” Virgil replies smiling. “And stop pouring the coffee on the plant!” 

*TB*

Alan has taken his shower in the hotel across the street from the hospital and is now sitting in silence on one of the two beds in the main room. A towel strung across his hips. He really wants to go back to the hospital, but he can’t just sit there like Scott can. He can’t stand seeing his brother in this condition. He knows from listening to the conversations between Scott and Gordons doctors that he is going to be in the hospital for months. If he can pull through. The fears of not being there if the worst should happen aren’t as scary for him as going back in the room. Just like Scott, Alan would do anything to change places with him. 

*TB*

The boys aren’t aware, but their father has landed back on American soil, and is finding his way to the hospital. Jeff has not slept during the flight. Details of his sons’ condition have been hard to uncover, as W.A.S.P have taken every step possible to keep the details out of the public eye apart from their initial statement. But there is only one military hospital in Hawaii, so finding out his sons’ location was not difficult.

Thanks you Kyranos arrangements, he has a hire car waiting for him, and directions programmed into the on-board computer. Pulling up to the security gate, he can feel the dryness in his mouth from nerves, he has no idea how the boys are going to react to his sudden reappearance in their lives. 

“I am here to see Gordon Tracy” Jeff announces.

The guard eyes him up from the other side of the bullet proof glass window separating the two. “And you are?” he asks. He has had to chase away numerous tabloid journalists from trying to get into the building. 

“His father, Jeff Tracy” Jeff replies, handing over his passport for inspection. 

Scott never thought to mention that his father may show up, as he genuinely believed that he would not, which has meant that he has not been blacklisted from entering the facility. 

“Go on through Mr Tracy” the security guard says to him, pressing the button to raise the barrier and Jeff drives forward. Parking up in an empty space, Jeff gets out of the car. There is a beep as he presses the button on the remote to lock the doors, before he walks slowly and deliberately into the reception area.

He didn’t bank on Alan being there, and he is unsure that a confrontation at this moment would be a good idea. Hiding behind a large Ficus to avoid being spotted, Jeff watches Alan apprehensively as he walks across the lobby towards the elevator. 

Jeff doesn’t even realise that he is holding in a deep breath, as he slowly exhales in relief, running his hands through his rapidly greying hair. 

There is a- young officer, he doesn’t recognise, but why should he recognise anyone? He thinks bitterly, he has missed out on so much. Approaching the desk, Jeff is not kept waiting long, as the officer has been trained in efficiency from the minute she signed up.

“Can I help you sir?” she asks, concerned at his appearance, as the hospital has been put on a maximum-security alert to protect Gordons privacy. 

“I am looking for Gordon Tracy” Jeff confirms, not bothering with small talk. 

“And May I take a note of your name sir?” she asks, suspicious. There is something about this man she does not trust. 

“Jefferson Tracy, I am Gordons father” Jeff confirms. Once again holding out his passport to prove his identity.

The girl manages to hide her shock, as she believed, as does the rest of the world that the Great Jeff Tracy died in a plane crash months ago. 

“Have a seat I will ask someone to come down” She tells him, keeping her cool and pointing to a seat in the waiting area. 

Jeff turns back to the waiting room, but does not sit down, preferring instead to stand with his arms folded in front of him and gaze out of the window. Lost in his own thoughts, which are full of a deep despair he has never felt before.

*TB*

It is Virgil who has the misfortune to answer the call. Alan has relieved Scott’s vigil, in order for his eldest brother to take the shower Virgil demanded. 

Virgil’s eyebrows disappear into his hair in shock and he feels the blood drain from his face. “M-my fa-fa-father he stutters in disbelief. 

Scott turns on his heel and grabs the phone from his brother’s hands, all thoughts of that shower gone. “Excuse me?” he asks, like Virgil he can’t believe that his father is downstairs. 

“Your father Mr Jefferson Tracy is in the waiting room. He wants to visit with Gordon.” The receptionist repeats for him. 

“Absolutely not. Tell Jefferson Tracy he is not My father, he has never earned that right and he is not showing up here now pretending to care. Also ask him if he bought a belt. Maybe he wants to give me a whipping for putting my brother’s life in mortal peril.” Scott’s voice is low and menacing. His breathing on the line is deep and full of an anger he hasn’t felt in several years. “And if he won’t leave, call security and have him removed” 

Scott throws that headset back down onto the receiver before turning to his brothers. “I am going for a shower” he announces, before storming from the room.

“Virgil?” Alan asks in shock. “He’s dead. You said he was dead, you said I was safe” 

“You are safe, he can’t get you to anymore. I am not afraid of him, and I will not let him hurt you again” Virgil reassures the frightened teenager in front of him. Realising that Alan is still only nineteen years old, still a child. Virgil wraps his arms around the trembling boy, who starts to cry on his shoulder. 

*TB*

Jeff has scarpered by the time Scott reaches the bottom floor, back to the car and barely stopping for the exit barrier to lift before making his way back to the airport. His heart is racing and there is sweat pouring into his eyes, causing tears to form. Tears he can’t fight back, resting his head against the steering wheel.

*TB*

“Mom?” Gordon asks, having witnessed the conversation between Virgil and Alan. “I have to go back don’t I?” 

Lucille places a hand on his shoulder but doesn’t speak.

“That hand? That was one of the ones which helped get me out of the sea isn’t it?” realisation that the soft, cold fingers got him to safety. “What if I can’t do this?”

“The choice is all yours, but they need you Gordon” Lucille tells him. Her eyes have not left his once. 

“It is really going to hurt isn’t it?” He phrases it as a question but they both know it is a fact, a statement of truth. 

“Yes sweetheart” Lucille confirms. “But remember, I am always going to look over you and your brothers and your family.” 

*TB*

Scott is pacing the floor of the hotel room, after chasing his fathers hired car out of the parking lot and down the street until he could run no further. Nursing a stitch in his side, he limped back to the hotel and obeyed Virgil’s order to take a shower. 

The steaming hot water beats down on his skin, almost scalding him raw but he doesn’t stop standing there. Like his youngest brother and Father Scott can’t stop his tears from falling, until he stand physically bear the heat any longer. Switching the water off, Scott paces. And paces. And paces. 

His heart is crying out in pain, and not for the first time in his life, Scott Tracy wishes that he had never been born. If he never existed then he would never know what this pain feels like. But he was born, and his four baby brothers need him to be strong, now more than ever.

Burying his hatred for his father, Scott pulls on a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and his just running a comb through his hair when his phone rings. 

Intuition is telling him it can only one of his brothers and it can only be bad news, Scott slides his finger across the screen. 

“Speak to me Virgil” Scott says into the phone. 

“Scott, where are you?” Virgil asks concerned.

“At the hotel taking that shower you so politely told me I needed!” Scott replies, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

“You need to get back here now” Virgil insists. 

“Why Virg?” Scott asks, all thoughts of making a joke of his disappearance gone. “What’s gone wrong?” 

“Gordons waking up”


	19. Burying the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following Jeff's return Scott snaps and runs away, but is he going to find what he needs?

Gordon’s limbs are heavy, and there is a fog circling his brain. A small whine escapes from his lips. Why does he feel so awful? What happened to him? 

“Gordy?” Virgil says looking down into the confused eyes of his younger brother. 

“Ugh” is all he can reply before he falls asleep again. 

It is a start, and the first positive piece of news that he has had in the five days since the accident. 

*TB*

Scott’s anger at Jefferson showing up at the hospital is not dissipating the longer he remains in the hotel room. His skin is red and raw from the heat of the water. He knows that he needs to be with Gordon but the return of the man who claims that he raised him has driven all reasonable and rational thought from his brain. 

He wants to be at the hospital, he wants to hunt down his father and he wants to destroy everything within his eyesight. 

It is only thanks to the hotels laundry facility and someone who collects, washes, irons and delivers the clothes back to his room that he still has clean clothes. Pulling on jeans and a t-shirt, Scott goes back to the hospital where Virgil is sitting vigil next to Gordon’s bed.

“I thought you said he was waking up?” Scott asks looking at his once again sleeping brother. there is an edge to his voice that Virgil doesn’t even recognise anymore. 

“He did briefly, you know the doctors said it might be weeks before he is fully conscious” Virgil says. 

“Weeks” Scott says. “You know whose fault this is, don’t you?” 

“It was nobodies’ fault Scott. The initial investigation has found a mechanical fault in the braking system. They didn’t stand a chance” Virgil replies.

“No. it is his fault. He was the reason we were all born into this corrupt and vicious world, and I am done Virg. I can’t do this. I can’t be here. He will be okay without me. He doesn’t need me, and neither does anyone else. It doesn’t matter what happens, or what I do it goes wrong. I am leaving Virg. and please don’t follow me. Stay here with Gordon, Alan and Atlanta, because you are better off without me” Scott insists. 

Virgil can’t believe what he is hearing. Scott is walking out on them, just when he needs them the most. But he knows he has to let him go. Getting up from the uncomfortable plastic chair he pulls his eldest brother into his arms and hugs him tightly. “Come back when you’re ready, we will be here for you” 

“Virg, I’m so sorry but I have to do something that isn’t this.” Scott says, allowing Virgil to hold him. “Tell Alan for me” 

“Tell Alan what?” Alan asks from the doorway where he has just entered the room carrying fresh coffee supplies. 

“I have to go to the mainland” Scott says lamely, as a way of explanation. 

“And you aren’t coming back are you?” Alan asks even though he already knows the answer. “YOU ARE SO DAMNED SELFISH. JUST LIKE JEFFERSON. GO SCOTT WE DON’T WANT YOU TO FEEL FORCED TO STAY HERE” he explodes. 

“You don’t understand” Scott says, pulling out of Virgil’s embrace. 

“YOU ARE RIGHT I DON’T” Alan shouts. “I AM STAYING HERE WITH MY BROTHER” 

Scott gives them one last look before fleeing the room. 

They don’t get it. No one understands. Gordon promised him he wouldn’t get hurt, he promised him that he would remain safe. This is Gordon’s fault and he can’t sit there day after day and watch his selfish brat of a brother ruin all of their lives. 

*TB*

His plane takes him to California, parking up in the private hangar, Scott rents a car and drives along the coast to Gordon’s old house. The “For Sale” sign Is still in the garden and Scott let’s himself into the now deserted building. The rooms are empty, as most of their possessions have been shipped to the Island. 

Curling up in the floor, Scott is too numb to cry, instead he lies on his side in complete silence as the sun starts to set and the room goes dark. He doesn’t sleep. He has not slept for more than a few hours in nearly a week and he is desperate for a drink. 

He is still awake when his phone buzzes with a message, but there is no curiosity in him to even read it, but he picks the phone up and realises with a grimace that it is an article about the crash. His heart cracks as he reads the article headline. 

Paul’s funeral is today. They are burying his brother’s best friend. The harsh reality of his life never relents. 

The ocean is glittering with the rays of the early morning sun as he walks along the beach, lost in the darkness of his pessimistic thoughts. He doesn’t know where he is going, and he doesn’t know why but he keeps a steady pace, his feet pounding the ground with every step. 

Finally coming to a stop across the road from the church, he realises that he did know where he was going all along. 

The church is still quiet, as he slowly makes his way across the dewy grass and into the main building. There is a wreath of freshly cut roses spelling out his name, but he isn’t here yet. No one is here yet. But the quietness is soothing his anger the longer he sits here. 

“Can I help you?” someone asks, startling him out of his reverie.

Turning round, Scott finds himself facing a woman he instantly recognisees, even though they have never met. She is Paul. The same shade of dark brown hair, and those soul-searching eyes that are now looking him over. But that isn’t what he recognises. She is broken too. “Melanie” Scott says, finally speaking. 

“Yes. Who are you?” she replies. 

“I am so sorry. I should never have let him go. If I had stopped him, if I had told him that I didn’t want him to go” Scott breaks off, placing his head in his hands. He can’t stand there in front of his sister at his funeral. Not while Gordon is still alive. He has no right to be here, intruding on their family’s grief. 

“You’re Scott, aren’t you?” Melanie asks, making the connection between his words and everything his brother had ever told him. “How is Gordon doing?” 

“He won’t walk again, and he will never swim again. His life may as well be over. My brothers sit there day after day watching him breathe through a tube, Gordon would hate this existence.” Scott tells her.

“But he is alive Scott, and he needs you. None of this was your fault, Paul would never blame you. He loved you, you have to know that. You were a brother to him, just like Gordon. It is okay to be upset and it is okay to get angry. Hell you think I haven’t screamed my lungs raw with how unjust this whole shit situation is? Because I have. I shouldn’t be burying my brother today, he should be out there living life, causing chaos. For the first two days I was in denial. This couldn’t be happening to my big brother. I kept expecting him to leap up from the mortuary and exclaim that this has been one terribly thought out practical joke him and Gordon had cooked up together. But it never was.” 

Melanie reaches out for his hand and he allows her to take it, before she pulls him to his feet and into her arms. Her own tears mingling with his as they stand together, the two families united in their grief against a world they no longer understand. 

*TB*

Scott stays silent during the funeral. No one questions his attire of jeans and a t-shirt. Taking a seat near the middle before members of W.A.S.P start to stream in, devastated by the loss of one of their own. Watching on as he is described fondly by those who knew him best. 

School friends talk about a daredevil who once tried to start a petition to introduce wing walking to the school curriculum. 

His mom and dad talk about his kind and compassionate nature. A boy who used to rescue spiders for his terrified arachnophobe neighbours and try to keep them as pets. 

Scott is reminded so much of Gordon, and everything that his brother is still fighting for, and he knows that he will keep fighting. Gordon has never given up on anything in his whole life, and he doubts that he is going to start now. 

Scott is so lost in his own memories of Paul, even though he never got the chance to really get to know him, that he doesn’t even realise that the ceremony is over until the church has started to empty as the crowds make their way outside.

“Are you coming to the burial?” Melanie asks. Once he has emerged back out into the sunlight. The brightness and warmth of the day are at odds with how he is feeling. 

“I thought it was a closed site, with family only?” Scott replies.

“You are family” Melanie insists, taking his hand once more and leading him to the spot they have chosen. Under the shade of an opulent sycamore tree. 

Scott somehow remains stoic, even though he can feel the now familiar ache in his heart. The one that is threatening to break his dignified silence as the dark mahogany coffin is lowered into the ground to become the final resting place of the fallen soldier.

Knowing that this could so easily be Gordon’s fate, Scott doesn’t stay long. 

“What are you going to do now?” Melanie asks. Her face is streaked with drying tears, but her voice is steady and assured, and invites confidence. They have only just met, but he feels like he can tell her anything. 

“I don’t know. I need to go back, I know that, but I can’t face him” Scott admits. 

Melanie places her hand on his shoulder, before forcing him into her arms and refuses to let him go. “Do what you need to do, but if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you.” She knows telling him to go back to Gordon would push him further and further away from the family who need him.

*TB*

Scott drives to the airport, with no destination in mind. Planning on jumping on the first flight and just going. Alan is right, Scott is just like Jeff. Sucking back tears, Scott finally checks his phone. But there are no messages from Virgil or Alan, not even an update. He knows that this is what he deserves. 

He needs answers, and he knows that he is only going to get them from one source, his father.


End file.
